Open Mic: The God Artifact |
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SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Posted: 31 December 2017 at 10:23pm |
...A PVP battle verse written to the picture
I don't know much about physics, nor am I scientifically inclined I'm just a normal guy from Georgia .. who works a nine-to-five For a civilian based employer known as Stonehenge Enterprise The global giant in Robotics that owns ‘Quantum Core Designs’ Which are carbon-coated constructs .. of monolithic size Computers so complex they've been rumored to be finds Of an underwater ruin near Bermuda in July ... of 1985 When two scuba divers tried to exhume a sacred site Of a luminescent blue ancient pyramid of light Which presumably just might be the last looming relic Of Atlantis due to time being brutally unkind ... To historic artifacts . . As they departed towards the bottom the aquatic habitat ... Holographically became a tropical location full of oxygen exchange It was awesome and insane to observe such a change As the dirt beneath their flippers quickly turned into a stage ... And lifted them away ... To the center of the entrance which was hexagonal shaped And connected to the cosmos out in Subatomic Space A quantum gateway to where the clock is not obeyed And they weren't hostages or slaves to its concept or its games Beyond the 4th Dimension to the Source’s algorithm That configured into chains made of quartz and DNA Transformed and rearranged into a ginormous eye ... That orbited the plane and told them Horus was its name . . An artificial brain of a deceased de•i•ty ... . . That morphed its database into string en•er•gies And incased it in the safety of the pyramid machine That lay beneath the sea as the greatest source of wisdom ... In the whole galaxy ... From the Olmecs to Egyptians to the Dogon and Chinese They all knew of it’s existence in the “West Indies” ... Protected by Atlantis and the pre-Columbus Mayans Til they suddenly just vanished leaving nothing but thier silence But those lucky scuba divers rediscovered what was hiding In the ‘Devil’s Tri-angle’ of those Caribbean islands ... But apparently their finding wasn’t something we should know Cause they never told the public, but became the CEOs Of Stonehenge Enterprise where I work in vid•e•o ... ... Surveillance operations and security patrol . . A private corporation that the government supports Such as military branches for their weaponary and force And of course the CIA so they can spy and report To Illuminati masters what the Eye has informed (Cause the monolithic structures are like giant thump-drives Of quantum information from a cosmic god’s mind!) Edited by SELF ACTIVATE - 31 December 2017 at 11:04pm |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Hmm it doesn't get much better than this really,loaded with sequences and
scientific angles was this piece,so much so that from the start i was compelled to read,you had an awful lot of everything to ponder on here i though,String theory/dimensions/time/Bermuda triangles/Atlantis,shit even very nearly the kitchen sink,I liked the way you tied it all in also via the all seeing eye cult,a ripe verse that very much identifies domination/manipulation and control,whilst all relating to one big guise,that's what im getting on reading this verse anyways, the only gripe/draw back to this piece is this,(can't believe I'm typing this) it was a constant assault on the brain,you gave us too much to ponder on,in effect it was saturated with subject matter,(that can be identified and realised by the reader if time is taken to check it all out),and the detail/imagery was solid also,it felt like it was written for a narrater to present..lol,still a really clever and ripe verse despite my gripes,(and in truth my gripes are miniscule), now before i say peace,i would just like to let you know I'm going to give this a couple of more reads,(because i have the feeling I've missed something here perhaps),as this verse definitely commands that,a real ripe piece that's laden and fit to burst with knowledge,well done my man..peace. ps..did you win the battle by the way?.. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Crim, you're a real gem, bro. Thank you for the feed. Sorry it took so long to respond back, but I've been cooking up a verse I think you're really gonna dig.
And yeah. I actually ended up securing the win in that battle. Soon as I'm done writing this verse I'll vote on you and Slip's mmatch Peace. |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Bro they way you construct your lines are literally seamless. It's so impressed to watch you manipulate lines and rhymes to really make each individually shine. Some verses, including my own, have some throw aways that people just use to get by, yours always seem to have value. Always pumping content man.
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daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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Vocabulary be like
Content be like Flow be like This is what i think you do when writing |
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Captive
Groupie Joined: 20 July 2015 Status: Offline Points: 132 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-0-0 Form: W |
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This is great .. Like, all the elements are there .. The story based off the picture is crazy, the imagery too .. Really felt like I was reading a Dan brown book lmaoo .. Honestly .. I don't see much to critique, you have a grasp on what you're doing
...did you win?
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spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3162 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
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You did what?
You sold this one brother Massively enjoyable and I don’t even like this kind of stuff Master class right here |
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SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Wow
Thanks for all the love, fellas. |
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Absolute Abomination
Standard Member Joined: 15 May 2015 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 556 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: LLWW |
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God damn Self this was dope. sounding like GZA, Bus, and K-Rino here. Very impressive.
I felt like you did a good job keeping the story coherent while never lacking in the imagery or rhyming. In fact the rhyming was very on point, I did not, however, like the "oxygen exchange"/"such a change" bar. Everything else was solid and that one seemed like a standout weak point since you repeated the word seemingly just for the scheme. Not that that's a bad thing but when the rest of the drop highlights a superior vocabulary then you are forcefully repetitive (in my interpretation) in a singular instance it seems weaker. Still, a great piece. |
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Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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Dntplywelwitothers
Groupie Joined: 30 November 2013 Status: Offline Points: 172 |
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You start this off by grabbing my full attention, nothing is more intriguing to than story mode.
Stage is set..... second part ....the imagery is vivid, the rhyming / rhythm and syllabic count of the rhyme scheme made the flow right here smooth as fuck. "Awesome and insane/ oxygen exchange " your manipulation of sound is almost unreal. Anyone can read this out loud and hear the near perfect rhyming Next.... you stay with the imagery. I have an infatuation with tyme.... "A quantum gateway to where the clock is not obeyed. And they weren't hostages or slaves its concept or its games" Again rhyming and rhythm is on point here.... But the characteristics you use to describe tyme is a highlight for me. I enjoyed how you tied everything together, and the concept you built. The fact you're able to connect all of the theories and myths...and in a way explained the unexplained.... fantastic. The flow and rhythm to the way this is written is a mystery all in its own....it's such a fluid read. Once again, I came, I clicked and I enjoyed. |
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"My name has the most shout outs in the history of rap...."
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Blood Eclipse
Groupie Joined: 21 April 2017 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 58 Crew: Pending Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-4-0 Form: LLLL |
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No lie.
This is dope, from all angles. I've never read such artistic verses in a while |
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alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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I can't really add anything else to what's been said already. But just wanted to say that this was incredible. I loved everything about this. All the (at times) subtle and various references from ancient events/figures to some popular scientific mentions were relevant to the greater course of the 'narrative', which is impressive in itself. Of course your signature flow and schemes were another highlight. Thanks for sharing.
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