Open Mic: Stepping Stones

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Hey,
Skeletons rattle chains in my attic space
A static look of tragedy was dragging on my saddest face
Bad habits pace my carcass like starving vultures
Molding memories like angry artists carving sculptures
Jolts of culture shock, thunderbolts rock the wooden
panels
I’m not reclusive,
Just refuse to leave the comfort of my room ‘n woolen flannels
DON’T JUDGE ME! My life is in ruin and shambles
Can’t decipher loose screws, my brains usually scrambled
Campbell soup cans span my filthy domicile
Screaming homicidal rants to random verses in the bible
See my moods been volatile. Prone to snap and go off
Because I can’t take the load off with a bottle of Zoloft
God I’m so lost, a ghost drifting in blackness
Tears wrapped in burlap sacks dragging my baggage  
The clock’s face laughs the longer the riddle lingers
Each tic is a minute hand closer to giving the middle
finger
These broken wings fling outta’ sockets when I fly
You say sky’s the limit, I tell my little flock its lies
Just nod your head while I pour out a little liquor drop
To cover the stench of my companion missing his litter box
With every winter lost, and every season at a close
I plan to reemerge into the world the way that Jesus rose  
I suppose it’s just a dream. But only heaven knows
Maybe tomorrow after waking up . . .  ill tip along those stepping stones

Maybe.

Edited by rhetorical - 19 June 2018 at 12:58am

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rhetorical Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote rhetorical Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: Stepping Stones Posted: 19 June 2018 at 12:52am
	Hey, Skeletons rattle chains in my attic space A static look of tragedy was dragging on my saddest face Bad habits pace my carcass like starving vultures Molding memories like angry artists carving sculptures Jolts of culture shock, thunderbolts rock the wooden panels I’m not reclusive, Just refuse to leave the comfort of my room ‘n woolen flannels DON’T JUDGE ME! My life is in ruin and shambles Can’t decipher loose screws, my brains usually scrambled Campbell soup cans span my filthy domicile Screaming homicidal rants to random verses in the bible See my moods been volatile. Prone to snap and go off Because I can’t take the load off with a bottle of Zoloft God I’m so lost, a ghost drifting in blackness Tears wrapped in burlap sacks dragging my baggage The clock’s face laughs the longer the riddle lingers Each tic is a minute hand closer to giving the middle finger These broken wings fling outta’ sockets when I fly You say sky’s the limit, I tell my little flock its lies Just nod your head while I pour out a little liquor drop To cover the stench of my companion missing his litter box With every winter lost, and every season at a close I plan to reemerge into the world the way that Jesus rose I suppose it’s just a dream. But only heaven knows Maybe tomorrow after waking up . . . ill tip along those stepping stones Maybe. Edited by rhetorical - 19 June 2018 at 12:58am


Nigma Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision	Post Options Post Reply Quote Nigma Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 19 June 2018 at 1:17am
	Hey, Skeletons rattle chains in my attic space A static look of tragedy was dragging on my saddest face solid opener, very technically sound, love the assonance blending Bad habits pace my carcass like starving vultures Molding memories like angry artists carving sculptures damn showcasing a lot here already. Jolts of culture shock, thunderbolts rock the wooden panels I’m not reclusive, Just refuse to leave the comfort of my room ‘n woolen flannels too many syllables here, coulda dropped 'woolen' imo DON’T JUDGE ME! My life is in ruin and shambles Can’t decipher loose screws, my brains usually scrambled Campbell soup cans span my filthy domicile Screaming homicidal rants to random verses in the bible lol some pretty out there imagery here. bizarre but interesting See my moods been volatile. Prone to snap and go off Because I can’t take the load off with a bottle of Zoloft God I’m so lost, a ghost drifting in blackness Tears wrapped in burlap sacks dragging my baggage The clock’s face laughs the longer the riddle lingers Each tic is a minute hand closer to giving the middle finger the way giving the middle finger was worked in felt a little unnatural. i think its a bit of a miss with the metaphor. ticking hands dont have a lot that manifests imagery-derived visual synaptic transmits linking to a the smooth dopamine release well executed metaphor when comparing to the physical action of giving a middle finger. gnome sayin? These broken wings fling outta’ sockets when I fly You say sky’s the limit, I tell my little flock its lies Just nod your head while I pour out a little liquor drop To cover the stench of my companion missing his litter box With every winter lost, and every season at a close I plan to reemerge into the world the way that Jesus rose I suppose it’s just a dream. But only heaven knows Maybe tomorrow after waking up . . . ill tip along those stepping stones overall really enjoyed reading this. lots of set up/punch success laced together with impeccable technical prowess allowing for plenty of nice one liners. the content itself was pretty out there but it was definitely unique and imaginative. good to see heat still being dropped out here


iLL ScriptureZ Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote iLL ScriptureZ Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 19 June 2018 at 1:32pm
	I think outside of some wording "issues" (I mean issues only as saying I'd change it up slightly) this was pretty cool. I liked the 3rd and 4th bar as well as the screaming at the bible verses. I thought it was a nice way to show pain and aggression, it almost came off like I was watching a Stan video lol ... Good stuff there. Enjoyable read overall. Glad to see you posting again.

daydizzle89 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote daydizzle89 Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 19 June 2018 at 2:05pm
	Hey, Skeletons rattle chains in my attic space A static look of tragedy was dragging on my saddest face ________________________________________________ Nice imagery. The second bar "Saddest face". It felt a little outta place but no biggie bru Bad habits pace my carcass like starving vultures Molding memories like angry artists carving sculptures ___________________________________________ This is nasty as fuck. Great imagery and totally loving the vocabulary Jolts of culture shock, thunderbolts rock the wooden panels I’m not reclusive, Just refuse to leave the comfort of my room ‘n woolen flannels _____________________________________________________ Jeez woolen flannels? Where you living? DON’T JUDGE ME! My life is in ruin and shambles Can’t decipher loose screws, my brains usually scrambled ______________________________________________________ Dope internals throughout Campbell soup cans span my filthy domicile Screaming homicidal rants to random verses in the bible _______________________________________________ Bro, crazy shit literally . So far, the imagery is top tier and dope See my moods been volatile. Prone to snap and go off Because I can’t take the load off with a bottle of Zoloft God I’m so lost, a ghost drifting in blackness Tears wrapped in burlap sacks dragging my baggage _______________________________________________ Emo "Tears wrapped in burlap sacks" This was dope The clock’s face laughs the longer the riddle lingers Each tic is a minute hand closer to giving the middle finger ________________________________________ Sick meta These broken wings fling outta’ sockets when I fly You say sky’s the limit, I tell my little flock its lies Just nod your head while I pour out a little liquor drop To cover the stench of my companion missing his litter box With every winter lost, and every season at a close I plan to reemerge into the world the way that Jesus rose I suppose it’s just a dream. But only heaven knows Maybe tomorrow after waking up . . . ill tip along those stepping stones Overall, This was really nice. The amount of meta's and imagery was really the highlights here. Definitely love all the technical stuff. The opener was a little slip for me but that didnt take away from the overall drop. good work here brotherman

spume corrupt Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3163 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL	Post Options Post Reply Quote spume corrupt Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 June 2018 at 8:03pm
	Not gonna do a big old breakdown thing, you had a few of them already Gotta drop in and say this was really enjoyable though You wrote this with an incredible fluidity, your word placement and rhyming ability is dope as fuck on this work The pleasure was mine on reading Thanks for that


Sammy Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Sammy Report Post Likes(1) Quote Reply Posted: 21 June 2018 at 8:19pm
	The clock’s face laughs the longer the riddle lingers Each tic is a minute hand closer to giving the middle finger DDAMMNNN!!! another dope piece, my dude.


Neek Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Neek Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 June 2018 at 1:52pm
	Skeletons rattle chains in my attic space A static look of tragedy was dragging on my saddest face Bad habits pace my carcass like starving vultures Molding memories like angry artists carving sculptures why are they angry tho? isnt that shit supposed to be relaxing? fucking artists man..I swear. they always mad about something. solid opener tho. id be lying if I said the second bar was my favorite bar. Jolts of culture shock, thunderbolts rock the wooden panels I’m not reclusive, Just refuse to leave the comfort of my room ‘n woolen flannels DON’T JUDGE ME! too late. I was judging you from the minute you took your first sip of sun-tea from that mason jar and nearly dropped your monicle into it. your only saving grace was that Tragically Hip vinyl record you had playing. My life is in ruin and shambles Can’t decipher loose screws, my brains usually scrambled Campbell soup cans span my filthy domicile Screaming homicidal rants to random verses in the bible damn bro. thats not very Ned Flanders of you. See my moods been volatile. Prone to snap and go off Because I can’t take the load off with a bottle of Zoloft God I’m so lost, he might guide a little better if you didnt mix your homicidal rants and your scriptures together. a ghost drifting in blackness Tears wrapped in burlap sacks dragging my baggage theres alot of dragging going on here. sad faces and louis vutton.. are you lowkey doing a kanye west fishdicks narrative here? #SunkenPlace The clock’s face laughs the longer the riddle lingers Each tic is a minute hand closer to giving the middle finger These broken wings fling outta’ sockets when I fly You say sky’s the limit, I tell my little flock its lies pocket dial a marksmens rifle.. columbine. Just nod your head while I pour out a little liquor drop To cover the stench of my companion missing his litter box With every winter lost, and every season at a close I plan to reemerge into the world the way that Jesus rose I suppose it’s just a dream. But only heaven knows Maybe tomorrow after waking up . . . ill tip along those stepping stones hey man, great closer. between this and the drunk uncle at the christmas party piece the other day.. id say you got this type of person down to science.. no pun intended. overall, this was a really cool read. felt a tad sporadic at points, but went along smoothly at the same time. if that makes sense? anyway, keep dropping man. Sammy has never been happier my dude.
	#Bananas

XcesE5 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 23 June 2018 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 20	Post Options Post Reply Quote XcesE5 Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 25 June 2018 at 11:27pm
	I feel as though Ill hit the nail on the head here. There are a few one offs that could potentially be worded better. In general this shit is strong through and through though. "Bad habits pace my carcass like starving vultures Molding memories like angry artists carving sculptures" easily my favorite bit of this - love the image and how this sounds coming out. " Can’t decipher loose screws, my brains usually scrambled Campbell soup cans span my filthy domicile" this is also hilarious to me

iNF3KT3D SYRiNG3Z Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Suspended Joined: 27 July 2018 Location: West Coast Status: Offline Points: 23	Post Options Post Reply Quote iNF3KT3D SYRiNG3Z Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 July 2018 at 5:50am
	Always Dope to find a piece that uses words in a rhyme you don't see/hear often... Jolts of culture shock, thunderbolts rock the wooden panels I’m not reclusive, Just refuse to leave the comfort of my room ‘n woolen flannels Stay Written...

Crimson Juice Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Crimson Juice Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 July 2018 at 8:46pm
	Loving the depiction in this verse,and your similies were creative too,the flow itself was as smooth as the mirrors on the James Webb telescope,it read as pacey and nice on the eyes,like a track driver finishing first whilst seeing a checked flag in front of him,(very coherent and fluid),the way you opened this piece up set the tone straight off the bat,describing the anguished mind set, in a very poetic fashion i thought,and the rhyme scheme was a plus in its own right,it carried this piece effortlessly along,coupled with the fact that here lays some Stella and seasoned writing here,in truth i could go on,but i won't,,except to type that I got a real nice kick from this on reading,ripe work...peace.
	"You need to learn how to make an exit, before you can dare make an entrance".