Text Battle Archive: Stalin vs Vellum

4 bars
Due Saturday?

Good luck

4 bars... Vellum is a paper made out of cow hide.

Here's 4 bars.

You stretch bars trying to impress hard, the style has been the worse played text form
Using 30 words for what should be said in 10 doesn't make your wordplay less forced
I'll incite a riot for your type of writing cuz I despise it
This Vellum cow word could never be about beef unless he tries to hide it

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.

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V

The E and stalactite were my faces, $ and bathroom were weaker. Your verse read like 7 bars long idk its 2am here just back from a bar and structurally your verse looks drunker than me rn. The ideas were there though even if laden with filler

S

Lacked setups, punches flair. Hell even the vellum line didn't smash anything, you could have done better. Still you were what looks like closer to 4 bars so structurally sounder. Less forced/text form was highlight multi for me but hassling dudes writing makes me wonder if you know Vellum or are him and gave away a W. Idk but

Mvgt Valium

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.

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Vellum... I'll punish this wack dude, I damage nerds with punches and slaps too. fuck it, this cats doomed .. This is quite filler. Make jabs or at least add clever references in these setups to really build-up high off the ground to the punch you are progressing towards.

I'm quoting that opening line as an example. You've got solid bars but the verse as a whole lacks finesse. Fine-tune it, perfect it. Be artistically deadly with each line.   Stalactite setup was poorly worded. 3rd section is too convoluted. I'm topping S with a line, and I ain't talking 'bout dollar signs would have been a lot smoother. Keep it simple. Less is more. If you got the punch, execute it swiftly and effectively. No additives needed 'coz it messes with the flavour. Closer is your smoothest bar. See? You got your punch and you play it, job done.

Stalin, you had the personal angles to go off as you clearly setup with them, but those personal shots were left as setups. The first 3 lines was build up stuff to follow a punch with. Doesn't need to take 4 lines to make the actual punchline and considering you only had 4 lines your angle here lost all venom and the verse lacked the sting/firepower. Vellum backed his concepts with punchlines in each bar so the fact he just formulated wordplay to work his angles into proper shots get home the win here.

OK Vellum score's a ko..3-0..peace.