Open Mic: RosenBoss Rhyme Intro |
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RosenBoss
Groupie Joined: 05 September 2018 Location: Nebraska Status: Offline Points: 66 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-2-0 Form: LL |
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Posted: 05 September 2018 at 6:44pm |
RosenBoss, forgotten not lost
Stuck in middle management but climbing to the top There's no limit to my rise and my will won't stop Until the end of days when I punch the final clock My success is mine and judged by me But if you want to celebrate, fine by me Everyone's invited to party of rhymes by me But I hope I never catch you quoting my speach Say what you want, but don't quote me I don't take lightly to those who don't regard The status I've earned like top dog in the yard I've been chained up and that's made me hard My skin is thicker than an armored car Battle me or dont, care I won't I came here for fun with these UK Blokes - shaking the rust off. My rhymes are elementary and I ain't that proud. It's going to take some time for these skills to come back but I had to drop something. It's been FOREVER since I wrote some rhymes. Go easy on this feedback, I am baby stepping myself back to this shit. |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Flow is there. I liked the skin is thicker bar the best. Rhymes are, as you said, elementary. Work on some multi-syllable schemes. Add some internal rhymes as well. Overall, the potential is there just a matter of thinking.
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Dave Infinite
Banned Joined: 14 August 2018 Location: CA Status: Offline Points: 153 |
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It's never too late to shake the rust off. Not bad for getting your steez back. Personally I am not a fan of such the same word over and over such as My success is mine and judged by me But if you want to celebrate, fine by me Everyone's invited to party of rhymes by me But hey it had a little flow, and overtime take the feedback and apply adding more schemes and so on and so forth.
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spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3162 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
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Yeah I see you have much potential with the pen
I won’t go into constructive feedback with this because I know it was just a throw away piece to get yourself back in the game You can learn a lot here at LA and if you stick it out I fully expect to see some dope shit from you in the not too distant future |
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Not much to say here that you aren't aware of yourself. Rhythm generally seemed there, couple of dubious parts but you showed glimpses in there...liked the use of imagery, even if it was fairly basic.
If you get involved here it's a good place to learn, despite this being a dying art...have fun and enjoy yourself.
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RosenBoss
Groupie Joined: 05 September 2018 Location: Nebraska Status: Offline Points: 66 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-2-0 Form: LL |
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Thanks guys. Appreciate the quick responses and honest feedback.
Dave - you literally quoted me. LMAO. Guess I don't shake fear in you yet. Cuba - this is Def a dying art. That's too bad too. This is a great way to sharpen the craft and let off steam. I feel like I found my own personal price of heaven...ER...hell... Here. Haven't figured out which one yet. |
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rhetorical
Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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you seem to have the basics down, id just like to see your foot press the pedal harder on the next one. . welcome to the forums. good to have ya around
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Lord Puente
Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW |
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Read this(not a hyperlink)
http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/the-manual_topic44247.html |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Yeah i have to agree with what's been said already,although in audio this
may be more suited too,you definitely know how to form and for the best part structure a verse,plus you have decent contents,OK they lack depth but to say this is like a shacking off rust piece,there's no high expectation of it,all in all decent drop..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Lord Puente
Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW |
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Crimson firing shots at audio side?
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RosenBoss
Groupie Joined: 05 September 2018 Location: Nebraska Status: Offline Points: 66 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-2-0 Form: LL |
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Picked up the keyboard mic and felt the reverb
Feedback was nice but I need to strengthen my verse Perhaps more analogies, metaphors, or just plain verbs Damn, afraid my old self was left in the herse Shake it off and dust it up Pour myself some new juice and I must lift my cup Hats off to the whole LA squad For helping inspire, reinvigorate this old RosenBoss |
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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cool stuff. Anything and everything has been said already so i don't want to dance on the horse's grave so i'll comment by saying. Stay active and the surest way to improve is to write alot and leave feedbacks on people's work also. Surprisingly when u observe other's piece, you pick up details that are otherwise lost in regards to your own writing. it helps, is what i'm trying to say. And be sure to PM cuba for more tips. He's pretty much godhead here.
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Neek
Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
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I am onboard with Sammys sentiments, PMing Cubes for any and all questions is my top five go to for "getting started"...the manual is cool, but he will literally answer anything in record speed like google, its crazy. ive been here for one year to everytime crims won voter of the month and I still PM him stuff like "which is better.. footy or football?"
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#Bananas
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Lord Puente
Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW |
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