Open Mic: RosenBoss Rhyme Intro

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    Posted: 05 September 2018 at 6:44pm
RosenBoss, forgotten not lost
Stuck in middle management but climbing to the top
There's no limit to my rise and my will won't stop
Until the end of days when I punch the final clock
My success is mine and judged by me
But if you want to celebrate, fine by me
Everyone's invited to party of rhymes by me
But I hope I never catch you quoting my speach
Say what you want, but don't quote me
I don't take lightly to those who don't regard
The status I've earned like top dog in the yard
I've been chained up and that's made me hard
My skin is thicker than an armored car
Battle me or dont, care I won't
I came here for fun with these UK Blokes

- shaking the rust off. My rhymes are elementary and I ain't that proud. It's going to take some time for these skills to come back but I had to drop something. It's been FOREVER since I wrote some rhymes. Go easy on this feedback, I am baby stepping myself back to this shit.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 September 2018 at 6:49pm
Flow is there. I liked the skin is thicker bar the best. Rhymes are, as you said, elementary. Work on some multi-syllable schemes. Add some internal rhymes as well. Overall, the potential is there just a matter of thinking.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Dave Infinite Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 September 2018 at 6:51pm
It's never too late to shake the rust off. Not bad for getting your steez back. Personally I am not a fan of such the same word over and over such as

My success is mine and judged by me
But if you want to celebrate, fine by me
Everyone's invited to party of rhymes by me

But hey it had a little flow, and overtime take the feedback and apply adding more schemes and so on and so forth. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 September 2018 at 6:56pm
Yeah I see you have much potential with the pen
I won’t go into constructive feedback with this because I know it was just a throw away piece to get yourself back in the game
You can learn a lot here at LA and if you stick it out I fully expect to see some dope shit from you in the not too distant future

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 September 2018 at 6:59pm
Not much to say here that you aren't aware of yourself. Rhythm generally seemed there, couple of dubious parts but you showed glimpses in there...liked the use of imagery, even if it was fairly basic. 

If you get involved here it's a good place to learn, despite this being a dying art...have fun and enjoy yourself.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote RosenBoss Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 September 2018 at 7:10pm
Thanks guys. Appreciate the quick responses and honest feedback.

Dave - you literally quoted me. LMAO. Guess I don't shake fear in you yet.

Cuba - this is Def a dying art. That's too bad too. This is a great way to sharpen the craft and let off steam. I feel like I found my own personal price of heaven...ER...hell... Here. Haven't figured out which one yet.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote rhetorical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 September 2018 at 7:19pm
you seem to have the basics down, id just like to see your foot press the pedal harder on the next one. . welcome to the forums. good to have ya around 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Lord Puente Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 September 2018 at 7:27pm
Read this(not a hyperlink)

http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/the-manual_topic44247.html
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 September 2018 at 9:30pm
Yeah i have to agree with what's been said already,although in audio this
may be more suited too,you definitely know how to form and for the best
part structure a verse,plus you have decent contents,OK they lack depth
but to say this is like a shacking off rust piece,there's no high expectation
of it,all in all decent drop..peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Lord Puente Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 September 2018 at 9:38pm
Crimson firing shots at audio side?
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote RosenBoss Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 September 2018 at 10:07pm
Picked up the keyboard mic and felt the reverb
Feedback was nice but I need to strengthen my verse
Perhaps more analogies, metaphors, or just plain verbs
Damn, afraid my old self was left in the herse
Shake it off and dust it up
Pour myself some new juice and I must lift my cup
Hats off to the whole LA squad
For helping inspire, reinvigorate this old RosenBoss
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 September 2018 at 10:28pm
cool stuff. Anything and everything has been said already so i don't want to dance on the horse's grave so i'll comment by saying. Stay active and the surest way to improve is to write alot and leave feedbacks on people's work also. Surprisingly when u observe other's piece, you pick up details that are otherwise lost in regards to your own writing. it helps, is what i'm trying to say. And be sure to PM cuba for more tips. He's pretty much godhead here.


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 September 2018 at 11:40pm
I am onboard with Sammys sentiments, PMing Cubes for any and all questions is my top five go to for "getting started"...the manual is cool, but he will literally answer anything in record speed like google, its crazy. ive been here for one year to everytime crims won voter of the month and I still PM him stuff like "which is better.. footy or football?"
#Bananas
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Lord Puente Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 September 2018 at 12:27am
Originally posted by Neek Neek wrote:

I am onboard with Sammys sentiments, PMing Cubes for any and all questions is my top five go to for "getting started"...the manual is cool, but he will literally answer anything in record speed like google, its crazy. ive been here for one year to everytime crims won voter of the month and I still PM him stuff like "which is better.. footy or football?"
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