Forum LockedText Battle Archive: Beans Vs Hyperactive (0-3)

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    Posted: 18 September 2018 at 2:11pm
5 bars due Friday night by 11:59 EST
Reg battle

Edited by Neek - 25 September 2018 at 10:35pm
1-2 Season 1 Final Champ
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Stalin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 September 2018 at 5:38am
If no verses are posted this has to get moved to no man's land. The rules are rules of he doesn't post his verse and you do, then he gets a no show. If you don't post either. It's a wash and this battle gets scrapped.
+Sick-Witted+
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Beans Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 September 2018 at 3:59pm
Posting today
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Beans Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 September 2018 at 9:35pm
Beans AKA Ryan
Vellum AKA Ophwite NS'd a battle with zsin and I



Clown listen....
I'll put the Callaway. Ur talkin is lame & boring
If anything from "The Hype Is Real?".. 1 punch tonight'll have him still 'Sway in the Morning'
wen ur wife Fuk W/Ryu get emmotional cos U a weak lifer
Quickly hittin the Butt-in to destroy like the car in Street Fighter
Hand round ur neck, Eyes red like that HOMO ZIN
Choke till ur pale & Ophwite! So U should jus No show like him
If you post? U wont last W/Bars U got no clue
Only reason U & 'Rap Work together?' S'cos I've murdered both you
Fuck ur life faggot, trash cans where I'll throw this trash bro
I throw Punches that End, If u were a mod like him you still couldnt close a battle

1-2 Season 1 Final Champ
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Hyperactive Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 September 2018 at 1:32am
Lmao!

Your tactics are Shady, so Hype leavin ya vexed
Wanna talk about no shows?? I'll give you 5 fingers of death
His Verse is so littered with trash that he's going to need protection
Beans Dead-Lines are so fucking garbage that not even HE respects them
I'll bring him back to the Roc for thinking he could actually slam me
And leave Boston Beans in a box without packaging candy
The only time he's causing pressure is if we're talking indigestion
Took so long for Beans to drop it brought his manhood into question
If you're so obsessed with guns, why all your shots stay missin me, chump?
Ohhh, you're Nike!
All that Busta Kaep shit's just a publicity stunt

Bitch.



He posted a deadline (that wasn't even agreed upon) and failed to make it on time, against both me AND the rap daemon.
the Roc / The Rock / Roc-A-Fella
Boston Baked Beans are candy
Busta Kaep - Bust a cap
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Hyperactive Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 September 2018 at 1:33am
He also has 5 no shows (meant to list in expos).
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Smoothtung Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 September 2018 at 1:51am

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Beans - the first bar was kinda hard.
2nd bar - missed for me. Couldn't decide if it sounded like a compliment or not lol
3rd - better. I like the word play. Not very personal though
4th - have you murdered him? If been away for awhile
5th - throw away really.. should have been the hardest bar but kinda let me down tbh

Hyper -
1st bar - missed for me. Kinda liked it though. Not a terrible opener. Hippie it gets better.
2nd bar- okayy I like the word play. Stung a bit too.
3rd - pretty good word play, clear concise flow as well
4th - ohhhhhh shiiiit. I really liked this bar. Creative and hit pretty hard.
5th - ayy nice word play.

Voting HYPERACTIVE

Funnier. More personal. More creative.
Good battle to both.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Rap Daemon Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 September 2018 at 10:44pm

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BEANS

Opener could be worded better imo. The angle was great, execution, adequate at best. "Have him still sway in the morning". Sounds alright when saying it with one of its meanings, the other, eh.

Again with the next bar, it's plagued with wording issues. The Ryu emotional thing was a reach, don't get how hitting the butt in relates to street fighter. I know the angle for that is hitting the button, but both sides of the play have to make sense for the same punch/for the same sentence, and I wasn't catching it here.

Don't know what Ophwite is, so I can't say much about this. Came across too statemented to feel like a clever witty punch, but I could've missed something here.

I think this next bar would have been better with more references to tie the punch and play in more. Dead-end job, or something. But overall this a decent jab and a lot smoother than the previous bars.

"I throw Punches that End"... This doesn't make sense. Not in both meanings. I could say something similar, like I deliver raps that Crimson, see how in the members name context, it doesn't work? When you're doing wordplay, say it in both contexts, and make sure it makes sense and doesn't sound forced or reached. It's annoying because the punch that followed was solid, and if you had that setup part on point, this would have been a fine way to close the verse.

OVERALL, I think you focused too much on trying to come up with wordplay, and force in double-meanings to each bar that you lost focus in the delivering the whole punch. I call it blind effort, because you tried, but in attempting to deliver a play each time, you didn't try with the rest as to make it fit, or scrap it if it doesn't, and actually focus on other references, both sides of the angle and the end punch. Wording issues messed up most of this drop and I've seen a lot better polished verses from you before.

HYPERACTIVE

Opener is just a statement. 5 Fingers Of Death is a reach as it barely relates to his 5 no shows (it's a reach). 2nd bar had lots of potential. I was liking the setup, the trash/garbage tie in and the dead-lines play, but you closed it with a statement that doesn't come across as witty. Underutilised angles fam'. Not even he respects them, nothing there cleverly ties in to the concepts you had, not like how trash/garbage, connects and can produce double-entendres... The final part missed that, and a punchline needs wordplay and a connection at the end that builds on and puts effective closer/impact to the references that completes or rather actually makes the double-meaning.

Not sure how Roc'/Rockafella ties in-to slamming you or Boston/Beans and whatever. The first line of this couplet kinda defeats the purpose of a couplet, where the first line acts as the setup to lead to the next. It doesn't unless I'm completely missing the tie-ins to that and the angle used in the next line and not catching it at all. Anyway, the next line on its own is dope regardless, and easily the best bar of this battle.

Next line, nothing special. Got nothing to note. Didn't feel it, just felt this was too statemented and didn't offer anything witty.

Closer is alright. guns/shots->Nike/Publicity stunt+Busta Kaep/Bust a cap... I liked all this. But I do agree with Smoothtung (where he says he feels that it's a throwaway bar).. I don't mind throwaways in longer battle drops in the middle of a verse as a cool down to keep a reader/listener engaged while not overwhelming them, because too many great shots dumbs the impact overall somehow as after so many, "OOHH!", moments, that loses its edge and one heavy shot gets compared to another heavy shot and one ends up getting seen as the lesser so you see what I mean? Insane bars just being depicted as average. BUT, it's a short verse so you wanna pack as many haymakers in as possible while keeping it polished mechanically, because there's not much time to make an impactful impression, and, you used it as your closer. It's so important that your opener and closer or your two best bars of the whole verse, because you start off strong, it will enhance reader/listener engagement, so they feel the verse, as an average closer is going to instill the mindset that the drop is average, and more often that not, whatever the quality of any other bars, that mindset is hard to shake and doesn't go away. A strong opener gives an instant impression of a great product. Likewise with a closer, having a really effective bar is where a verse wins it's lasting impact and appeal. An average or bad closer is gonna give the final impression of an average or a bad verse. Each bar gives an impression when it sparks a reaction, but the middle portion of a verse doesn't get one's as strong. Openers and closers are where we are looking for a reaction because we want to develop an impression/our take on things at those moments. In a closer, we look for that last bar, that last shot that sums everything up and supplies the big explosion after the flurry in between. If you don't supply that, a whole verse can feel lacklustre as the last impression is obviously the most recent one so it's the impression that feels the strongest, so the impression on that closer is the general feel you get when you finish reading/listening to the entire verse. To summarise, you wanna open with heat that gets us going and into proceedings, and close on something that's gonna have us like woah, as that woah feeling will generalise to the whole drop on first impressions. Only a personal can do that to be honest, because it makes extra impact because of the sting it possesses. You used a throwaway that could be used against anyone or in an open mic verse, so while it was a decent punchline, it wasn't a heavy one against your opponent to get anyone reeling. Impact lost.

Overall, I thought this verse was decent, but it lacked creative edge in places and lacked polish to give it shining strength and impact. That's because you didn't open and close all that well, and your best bar was left in the middle without better light than it could have had as an opener or closer, and that was just a really nicely executed nameflip, so this verse felt like to me at least that didn't go in enough.   I hope you can respect that and build on that.

So, on to the VERDICT

So I've gone through all the constructive criticism, on to the positive where I can build my vote on...

I feel HYPERACTIVE had more of that (things I liked and whatnot)... Yes, he had underutilised concepts in places and he could have gone a lot harder, but he didn't have wording issues that ruined lines. Nothing was bad in his verse, his lines were smoother in my opinion, and he also had the best bar of the battle. I noticed his efforts in delivering that final punch to push in each bar, whereas with Beans I didn't get that because I felt the verse was constrained by some failed wordplay. For those reasons.........


My vote goes to -- HYPERACTIVE.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Rap Daemon Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 September 2018 at 10:50pm
Since I can't edit....

Just to clarify this, I now get the Ophwite thing. I didn't read expos until now because I don't like to.. I feel it dumbs down how I feel about a bar when I see it being explained, 'coz I don't get any wow factors from an impression on that bar anymore since nothing would be hitting me by surprise.

To me, it makes bars less impactful when spectating, and I forgot to go to the expos when I stopped being a spectator and started being a judge.

Anyway, to verify this, it doesn't change where I stand on my verdict.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Rap Daemon Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 September 2018 at 10:55pm
Again, I also realised that Smooth said Beans' closer was a throwaway, and I said that about Hype's closer and agreed with Smooth. ๐Ÿ˜‚

Sorry for spamming, this is the last comment I'm making but just wanted to say that for clarification. Other than my 2 silly errors, I believe my verse is well explained and informative so please ignore those mistakes.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Ridley Squat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 September 2018 at 7:09pm

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Beans

Quote Clown listen....
I'll put the Callaway. Ur talkin is lame & boring
If anything from "The Hype Is Real?".. 1 punch tonight'll have him still 'Sway in the Morning'
Nice concept, but too wordy and uneven, so could have been put together better.
Quote wen ur wife Fuk W/Ryu get emmotional cos U a weak lifer
Quickly hittin the Butt-in to destroy like the car in Street Fighter
OK so you would be calling yourself Ry here, I get it ... that's decent, I mostly like this bar, just not the weak lifer part. And fuck the general consensus ... Street Fighter bars are still cool!
Quote Hand round ur neck, Eyes red like that HOMO ZIN
Choke till ur pale & Ophwite! So U should jus No show like him
Yeah, that's missing for me. Could have worked, but would need to be amazing to make up for the lack of directness. We get that u have things to say about other people, but ur not battling them.
Quote If you post? U wont last W/Bars U got no clue
Only reason U & 'Rap Work together?' S'cos I've murdered both you
Nothing majorly wrong here, apart from the general structure, but I feel it lands a bit meh.
Quote Fuck ur life faggot, trash cans where I'll throw this trash bro
I throw Punches that End, If u were a mod like him you still couldnt close a battle
Decent concept. Kind of works, I'm not sure 'everything' has to work 2 ways, but I'm in two minds about this, but that aside, it's the rhyming 'trash bro' and 'battle' that is my gripe with this.


Hypo

Quote Lmao!
Your tactics are Shady, so Hype leavin ya vexed
Wanna talk about no shows?? I'll give you 5 fingers of death
Ok, I enjoyed the Multi, and the structure was fine, but not sure it really works to reference something random with 5 in it to signify 5 no shows.
Quote His Verse is so littered with trash that he's going to need protection
Beans Dead-Lines are so fucking garbage that not even HE respects them

I see the personals here, decent angles and wordplay. Well tied together on the whole, though I don't know why he'd need protection from trash. Still, pretty good.
Quote I'll bring him back to the Roc for thinking he could actually slam me
And leave Boston Beans in a box without packaging candy
No chance at this without the expo, but it does read pretty nice.
Quote The only time he's causing pressure is if we're talking indigestion
Took so long for Beans to drop it brought his manhood into question
Funny, nice concept. Loved the punch, didn't like the setup.
Quote If you're so obsessed with guns, why all your shots stay missin me, chump?
Ohhh, you're Nike!
All that Busta Kaep shit's just a publicity stunt
Bitch.
Ambitious concept, and I see what you did, kinda worked, but was wordy and for me could have been a better closer.

So...

Beans verse nicer than the last one I voted on, pretty good really,
but Hypes lines were mostly cleaner, and more the style I prefer, so MFVGT Hyperactive
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Hyperactive Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 September 2018 at 8:22pm
Now that itโ€™s over, I would just like to point out that the shady / 5 fingers of death play was a flip on his sway in the morning play, because it seems that it went overlooked. Irrelevant now, I know, just wanted to point that out.
Thanks again for the battle, Beans, and thank you to all the voters as well.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 September 2018 at 10:30pm
can I just add as the resident Street Fighter spokesman on LA that...


Ryu is pronounced.. Reee-You..not Ry, You.. Riiii as in Rihanna.. not Ry..as in Ryback.

its also japanese for "dragon"


#TheMoreYouKnow. #Shoryuken
#Bananas
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 September 2018 at 10:36pm
Hyperactive wins by KO (3-0)
#Bananas
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