Open Mic: Tale of two |
Post Reply 
|
| Author | |
alicewonder 
Standard Member 
Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
 Post Options
 Likes(0)
 Quote Reply
 Topic: Tale of twoPosted: 21 September 2018 at 3:59am |
|
Remind me again..
If this is poetry in motion, Or am I just overly impulsive? I’da traded a soul in solstice For a basic, momentary closure Or a moment of exposure In this coveted culture (of ours) Where my play pen (Is) nothing but tradesman(ship) Endeavor: And that which reflects words is smudging the ink It's a... stain on my papers Another double entendre I can blame on my anger My love is endangered and my hope starts to cave in I'm in custody, can anybody hear the howls of an alien? I'm not Thai but it feels like floodgates are breaking and I'm constantly blue, no room for red when you're drowning and shaking... I'ma.... foreigner to love and a stranger to us The third wheel when two are more than enough Three's a company but theres no profit, I thought It takes two to tango, a third makes you a slut But that's me shadowboxing, morally bankrupt Sheesh, that hardly rhymes and the flow is shaky A perfect metaphor for a relationship that's breaking Basked in dawn, I’m a gorgon I got a.. way with words? Then How come..I never got away with words? It’s parlour talk, not a Shakespeare verse Got a forked tongue, sewed in a-salient slur I’m better off in layman terms Let’s dumb it down: Grew up on Rawkus‘/Notorious’ dumping ground ‘kiss and Lovecraft, found some solace In my rigged conscience, the con artist: pantomime Forlorn/golden when I’m handin signs I pencilled rhymes onto a Horcrux Forever morphin into a pensive mind I’da sold a portion of my morbid moral See if they ever gonna mention mine? Ugh fuck it I’m off this, What’s left? a carnal conscience My cotton carcass for your festive time |
|
 |
|
|
Smoothtung
Standard Member
Joined: 09 December 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-8-3 Form: WWWLWN |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 21 September 2018 at 4:07am |
|
Another double entendre I can blame on my anger...
Hell man. I'm a huge fan already. Everything about this piece is my type of thing. I love it. Its so poetic.. and i love the word play. I've never read your stuff before but I'm keeping an eye out for more. Let's colab. |
|
|
|
|
Sammy
Site Moderator 
Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 21 September 2018 at 4:17am |
|
was this a collabo with Endeez?
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
Endeavor
Senior Moderator
Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 21 September 2018 at 9:06am |
|
Yay you posted it! I'ma hit you with the feed real quick.
|
|
|
#Bananas
 |
|
|
|
|
The Rap Daemon
Standard Member
Joined: 05 August 2015 Location: Purgatory Status: Offline Points: 1108 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-14-0 Form: LWLWWL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 21 September 2018 at 12:59pm |
|
I got a.. way with words? Then
How come..I never got away with words? ^ This reminded me of Eminem for some reason... Something I can imagine him writing... Trust me, that's a huge compliment. I'll try and feed more later, just getting ready to go out atm and stopped by. |
|
|
Faggot
|
|
|
|
|
Smoothtung
Standard Member
Joined: 09 December 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-8-3 Form: WWWLWN |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 21 September 2018 at 1:35pm |
|
Ok so my original thought was that this was one big endeavor piece. Alice you backed up Ends verse quite well, i love the solace line
|
|
|
|
|
Neek
Site Moderator
Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 21 September 2018 at 2:44pm |
Chino XL had a similiar line on "Wordsmith" excellent song..I highly reccomend it. |
|
|
#Bananas
|
|
|
|
|
Crimson Juice
Site Moderator
Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 21 September 2018 at 5:34pm |
|
Whooaa,2 of my favourite ppl on one piece,as probably mentioned the w/play
was ripe from both within this collab,the angles slants and concepts were all there in their splender too,i liked the kind of abstracted looking out from within vibe,it felt like i was reading something of a personal nature like i was prying in on privy matter,and Alice i really liked how you seem to project a strong em- otion Via a sort of frustration seam,and Endeez the happless seam etched in your part of this collab also hit the spot via the emotional route taken,but when blended along with Alice's just made this collab pop,you both complemented each other real well here,and as of late the collabs at LA have been very cohesive, as this ranks with the best of them in my opinion,because the transition between you both felt (like healthy siblings),well related,truly enjoyable and quaint read guys,ripe in fact...peace. |
|
|
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
|
|
|
|
Sammy
Site Moderator
Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 22 September 2018 at 4:22am |
|
Remind me again..
If this is poetry in motion, Or am I just overly impulsive? I’da traded a soul in solstice For a basic, momentary closure Or a moment of exposure In this coveted culture (of ours) Where my play pen (Is) nothing but tradesman(ship) awesome intro, alice. poetry in motion/overly impulsive were sick rhymes! the next two line was very poignant and says so much in so little. cool little soliloquy on expressing. dope. And that which reflects words is smudging the ink It's a... stain on my papers Another double entendre I can blame on my anger My love is endangered and my hope starts to cave in I'm in custody, can anybody hear the howls of an alien? I'm not Thai but it feels like floodgates are breaking and I'm constantly blue, no room for red when you're drowning and shaking... I'ma.... foreigner to love and a stranger to us The third wheel when two are more than enough Three's a company but theres no profit, I thought It takes two to tango, a third makes you a slut But that's me shadowboxing, morally bankrupt Sheesh, that hardly rhymes and the flow is shaky A perfect metaphor for a relationship that's breaking i know you probably think i'm joking in the chat when i said i'm envious but its not too far from the truth, sir. The entendre line was fire. howl of an alien was a bit awkward and it seemingly was worded on behalf of the rhyme scheme lol. Last stanza was fuckin flame as hell man. You're writing is very refine now. You write with a conscious penchant for thematics. you developed a theme and structure your imagery, flow, descriptions around it. I think all the elite writers do that. Congrats on raising ur bumass to elite status, foo!
Edited by Sammy - 22 September 2018 at 4:28pm |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Neek
Site Moderator
Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 22 September 2018 at 3:14pm |
|
yeah. this is dope, but both of ya'll owe me verses and this aint mine..so... its like I told endeeze..its like "yo fam..peep all this new shit I just bought"..and you owe me 20 bucks. fuck kinda shit is this?!?!?
|
|
|
#Bananas
|
|
|
|
|
Sammy
Site Moderator
Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 22 September 2018 at 3:26pm |
lmao!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
alicewonder
Standard Member
Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 27 September 2018 at 7:28pm |
|
Really appreciate the read! Ahh Neek you actually owe me one of your old 'mixtapes', remember? Guess not haha. But glad you liked this.
End, thanks again for jumping in on this. Guess you already know more or less how I feel about your verse. 'Double entendre'/'blame on my anger' was just one of the many highlights here. I thought the alien reference was a clever one associating with the preceding 'cave' segment, it matched the overall tone of your verse quite nicely. My favourite segment: Three's a company but theres no profit, I thought It takes two to tango, a third makes you a slut But that's me shadowboxing, morally bankrupt Sheesh, that hardly rhymes and the flow is shaky A perfect metaphor for a relationship that's breaking The 'morally bankrupt' line is just perfectly worded, poetic yet quite tangible which makes it that more relatable for me. What I appreciate and cherish most though, is how well you strike the balance of that aforementioned poetic tale and a 'direct' tone in this verse throughout. Glad you contributed!
|
|
|
|
|
Endeavor
Senior Moderator
Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 28 September 2018 at 9:51am |
|
Thanks for the kind words ya'll. It's pretty funny how this collab started out. Alice dropped that crazy ass opening scheme I dropped a few lines. Then we decided to do a collab and I went completely off course. So much so Alice has to swoop in and save the day by changing the tone of her verse a bit. Sorry Alice <3
You know how I feel about the opening section but that closer... Sheesh. Love the various references. From Greek mythology to Harry Potter. Inclusion of Rawkus records is dope and brings a lot of memories back. The amount of quality that spawned from there... Insane. My first album I heard from there was Train of Throught, the Kweli and Hi-Tek joint. Dope!
Definitely a highlight for me. The flow is so crazy. Pantomime bar is stupid dope. Horcrux, well as said before, Harry Potter references rule lol. Loved it.
Thanks for bearing with me, Alice! |
|
|
#Bananas
|
|
|
|
|
Post Reply
|
|
Tweet
|
| Forum Jump | Forum Permissions You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |
|
Topic Search
Topic Options
The Rap Daemon wrote: