Open Mic: Armor

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Armor
By Sammy

Dad
You, a voice of valor. Iron facade foiled and tattered. 

Son
Rather enthused as a lad. And youth was basked in unbridal adorn
This side of the “norm”.
A smile worth its charm in mileage. 
“It’s shiny..” he warmed up to the Irony suit
It’s cold. He hated the cold, it reminds him of YOU.
The silence, the brooding nature; untimely commute.
“Daddy it’s two”
The silence. The muted complexion lacking primary hue
Affections measured in decibels
The higher the value the higher you’re valued, or so..
It seemed
So he scream
He screams at the world 
Taking liberty with the word “scream” what I mean is he leaps before looking. Hoping to reach through emotion. Heaving and hoping, in being emotive, they’ll see him as “golden”
Not the iron facade that dad would have woven
Far from it. He was carved from a different metallic
A beautiful onyx. Even black sheep can turn into a beautiful swan. Until he learns that things are as they should be. Always has.  

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Sammy Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Sammy Report Post Likes(1) Quote Reply Topic: Armor Posted: 01 January 2019 at 5:59pm
	Armor By Sammy Dad You, a voice of valor. Iron facade foiled and tattered. Son Rather enthused as a lad. And youth was basked in unbridal adorn This side of the “norm”. A smile worth its charm in mileage. “It’s shiny..” he warmed up to the Irony suit It’s cold. He hated the cold, it reminds him of YOU. The silence, the brooding nature; untimely commute. “Daddy it’s two” The silence. The muted complexion lacking primary hue Affections measured in decibels The higher the value the higher you’re valued, or so.. It seemed So he scream He screams at the world Taking liberty with the word “scream” what I mean is he leaps before looking. Hoping to reach through emotion. Heaving and hoping, in being emotive, they’ll see him as “golden” Not the iron facade that dad would have woven Far from it. He was carved from a different metallic A beautiful onyx. Even black sheep can turn into a beautiful swan. Until he learns that things are as they should be. Always has.


Vellum Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 07 October 2013 Location: Connecticut Status: Offline Points: 492 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 24-2-1 Form: WWWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Vellum Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 01 January 2019 at 10:17pm
	“It’s shiny..” he warmed up to the Irony suit It’s cold. He hated the cold, it reminds him of YOU. The silence, the brooding nature; untimely commute. “Daddy it’s two” The silence. The muted complexion lacking primary hue HOLY SHIT!! That was my favorite part. Beautiful wording, nice vocab, multi rhyme, rhyme schemes, imagery etc. Overall this was very entertaining for me to read!

DressToKill Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote DressToKill Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 January 2019 at 1:23am
	Yo Sammy, This was a really cool change of pace from the standard open. I really thought you displayed your feelings towards the father and you wove the story deep with intricate vocab. I read this almost like a literal open mic/spoken word which translated well reading out loud. Some def jam poetry type fo sho
	The original comeback kid

Absolute Abomination Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 15 May 2015 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 556 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: LLWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Absolute Abomination Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 04 January 2019 at 2:01am
	"the irony suit, its cold, he hated the cold, it reminds him of you" simple yet so good. the start and the middle was complex and i fucked with it, havent read enough of your stuff to know you like that. same at the finish but I'm not a fan of how it ended...feel like there was still more to the story beyond the character remaining complacent in his rut.
	Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.

Sammy Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Sammy Report Post Likes(1) Quote Reply Posted: 04 January 2019 at 7:59am
	Vell - good loox, pawtna DTK - thanks for the loox bro Abs - appreciate the look.


spume corrupt Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3163 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL	Post Options Post Reply Quote spume corrupt Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 12 January 2019 at 12:20am
	Was hooked on the first line You are a dope written artist main The word placement creates such fluid rhyming and the content was captivating Cool shit Samwise


Essence1 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 27 December 2018 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 57	Post Options Post Reply Quote Essence1 Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 19 January 2019 at 11:30pm
	I've always loved how theatrical your work is, this stood out for me: Affections measured in decibels The higher the value the higher you’re valued, or so.. It seemed So he scream He screams at the world Taking liberty with the word “scream” what I mean is he leaps before looking. Hoping to reach through emotion. Your wordplay has always been impeccable. I'll get back to you soon, just busy

Sammy Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Sammy Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 January 2019 at 12:02am
	Spume and essence = <3 <3


rhetorical Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote rhetorical Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 January 2019 at 4:13pm
	you really have honed in that great ability to say so much with so little. effective wording is a true talent that many online writers struggle with, but you nail it ever single drop. its not just the wording, its knowing what choice of word and when to time it. your so good at executing wording that the typical rules of evened syllable counts and traditional verse structure dont apply to you. . your Roy Jones Jr in his prime with the pen my man


Sammy Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Sammy Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 January 2019 at 10:34pm
	thanks, big homie! Roy Jones Jr is my favorite boxer of all time so i will def take that compliment!


Sinning Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 22 February 2019 Status: Offline Points: 5	Post Options Post Reply Quote Sinning Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 25 February 2019 at 3:12pm
	This was a really good written here, Sammy. Had all the essentials for a dope piece; good use of literary elements with good rhyme scheme flow. I do enjoy your narrative language; it's quite good. You have enjoyable syntax; and good flow which I enjoy. Good work, here. Keep writing!