Open Mic: Therapy |
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Katalyst
Newbie Joined: 01 August 2019 Location: Manchester Status: Offline Points: 7 |
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Posted: 03 August 2019 at 1:08am |
Okay, so I’m new to the site and I dunno if I’m posting this in the right place but I just wanted to post a verse and get some feedback and constructive criticism off a couple members.
Lately struggles in this life have caught up to me Fought em truly overcame the darkness it will not consume me Thoughts have threw me off the path of rappin' brothers not impressed And i dont blame em, earth has gotta test My faith and patience im waitin' pacin' under a lotta stress Im not up next? Id go fucking insane yo if i wasn't blessed With my determination and my drive for rappin' Those guys who laughin' Are gunna be risin' clappin' They shinin' flashin' My name in lights my hype is massive Seems like the days i spent locked in just rhymin' practice Is payin' off i think its about time to cash in So, ive hit a crossroads, college or music? I study the greats, take all my notes, pay homage, a student With knowledge i use it Serious lyrics not for amusement (No!) And when times get bad I pull out my sketch pad I hit the studio go find a beat and lock the booth Unload my emotions and feelings and i jot the truth Im chasin' that top spot, runnin' in hot pursuit But imagine tryna pop off when you've got no shot too shoot (gunshot) But i will never stop rappin' till the day im down and out ive found a route and now im runnin' circles like a roundabout They boutta shout but i dont fuckin' listen When they soundin' proud about the fact that they be howling doubt towards me i just drown em out Yeah, uh, yo, yeah Ive battled demons you only see in your fucking nightmares Itd leave you lookin quite scared If you seen the extent of the shit that goes on in my head And everybody got some fucking problems till their dead So i just kill my targets off em with the verbal murder ease the pain but how you gunna fight your demons when your the darkest of em Its Katalyst, whats happenin'? Let me know what y’all think |
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Absolute Abomination
Standard Member Joined: 15 May 2015 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 556 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: LLWW |
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This was the right place to drop. Remember you're likely to get more feed if you feed others first
Flow felt off in quite a few places, especially early, but mostly everything after the "jot the truth" multi scheme sounded slick. Wasn't feeling the other multies as often it seemed like there was too many words without a rhyme. Otherwise a very relatable piece. nice intro, welcome to the site.
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Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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Katalyst
Newbie Joined: 01 August 2019 Location: Manchester Status: Offline Points: 7 |
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Thank you for the feedback bro, I’m constantly tryna improve and this is one of the first things I’ve ever wrote, so to get feedback from someone who knows what they’re talking about rather than people who know me is much appreciated. Il be sure to improve as time goes on, thanks again
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alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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This was nice as a intro. It didn’t seem like your flow fell off in the beginning to me, it could be more a formatting issue as it actually read smoothly for me. Really liked your approach in the beginning. You had a somewhat ‘typical’ approach which can be still nice given the topic you chose, and I appreciate the positive/reflective tone in your first few sections. After the ‘booth’ part your schemes and content seemed more random, like in the shoot/pursuit lines. It’d be also nice to see some more creative comparison than the obvious ones, like the roundabout part. Overall I liked parts of this and it’s definitely nice for what it is. Hope to read more.
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Katalyst
Newbie Joined: 01 August 2019 Location: Manchester Status: Offline Points: 7 |
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Thank you Alice, much appreciated. Il be sure to try and improve with the next things I post, and all feedback is amazing to me coz I never really had people who know rap who could've give me feedback so I appreciate everyone’s feed Thank you for the constructive criticism fam
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