Open Mic: 10,000 P.C.E. |
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SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Posted: 05 August 2019 at 12:57am |
There’s a ghost in the machine
It dwells inside the box There’s “coding” on the screen Of sigils and spells A Ouija board of keys Opens portals into Hell Uploading entities Think of H.P. with a Dell Or Apple temping Eve “Please, take another byte” Hissed a serpent named Steve Who slithered through the leaf(s) Of fiber optic trees Corrupting ancient data Deleting it with ease Like “Generation Isis” Computerized Eden Generates a virus (The “Genesis disease”) Encrypted in the scripture Encoded in a dream The secret algorithm The Oracle perceived |
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alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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Been a while so I’m really glad to be reading something new from you, and this was different. It still had the poignant critical points/observations you deliver so effortlessly, but the flow seemed kinda experimental compared to your previous work. The tone though showed the same admirable ability of fusing modern day themes with ancient references. And every aspect felt relevant. Lots of cleverly incorporated imagery throughout, like the entire Apple/Eve section. Loved the H.P reference too, very unique and even more intriguing whilst still fitting the sci fi nuances really well. The title sort of alluded to the content which I actually appreciate cos there’s reflection between the lines, if that makes sense. Rather short but filled with content as expected. Plus I’m glad you posted at all. Thanks for sharing.
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Absolute Abomination
Standard Member Joined: 15 May 2015 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 556 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: LLWW |
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hard to follow alice critiques so i wont try
shit was dope dude what the fuck
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Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Hey thanks for the read/feed and words of encouragement. I’m glad you two enjoyed it. Much respect.
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Katalyst
Newbie Joined: 01 August 2019 Location: Manchester Status: Offline Points: 7 |
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Really well written, sick concepts and yeah, I agree, all the critiques have already been laid out. Sick piece dude
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Holy Shit look who the cat dragged in, hello SA good to see your alais around these
parts again, this verse here was a mixed bag of offerings, old world meets the new world with that clever Eve/byte concept, in fact the whole verse was clever really in that it had all that i expect to read from you,(imagery,concept and content as well as a huge dollop of creativeness), the only chink in its armour is the fact it seemed like a protatype in rhyme scheme/flow, (i'll stress now, not in a bad way it just caught me off guard some on reading), enjoyable joint here SELF which still manages to bolst my thoughts that you are one innovative mofo and still a top tier head here at LA i actively seek out...RIPE..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Blood Eclipse
Groupie Joined: 21 April 2017 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 58 Crew: Pending Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-4-0 Form: LLLL |
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Damn this is flawless man. I'm not good at feeding, I just gotta say something.
I like the mood of this verse, the way you so relaxed. Superb penmanship |
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