Open Mic: Falling apart |
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Slip
Standard Member Joined: 04 June 2013 Location: St Johns. N.L. Status: Offline Points: 1612 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 14-33-0 Form: LLLWLW |
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Posted: 01 December 2019 at 7:53pm |
Phased by today’s news ,numb with rage, face and brains , all over the page
Fallin apart like the state of the city Another school bombing killed a hundred and fiddy Students and teachers I pity the poor parents putting up with pain tryna pull themselves togethers really a strain to get up in the morning when your mourning is a struggle, warning signs are subtle Not to fuck with the grief, violence begets violence ,history repeats Not by choice that’s the devils voice speakin, vengeance in your ear, reasons to reappear Sounds good when you hear it up until you get it revenge does nothin ,expect to regret it Outta my mind when I think about the horrible, things that people do just ain’t normal |
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See no evil speak no evil silent echo alter ego
inner demon violent beast so warn the mother fucking people |
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Mitch.Wagwaan
Groupie Joined: 21 June 2014 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 380 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-5-1 Form: LNLWWW |
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Opener was real nice bro, thought the morning/mourning play could of been executed better but 'warning signs were subtle' was good. It fell off a little towards the end but it's nice to see you dropping, keep it up!
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T3XT M3NAC3
Newbie Joined: 19 December 2019 Status: Offline Points: 4 |
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Overall a cool short read here. The flow of this piece sticks out. Content was decent. Nothing explosive but for a short read it come off smooth. Students and teachers I pity the poor parents putting up with pain tryna pull themselves togethers really a strain definitely stood out to me. It kind of feels you just wanted to shake the ink out real quick and drop something short. If correct, then you did that. Stay writing...
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T3XT M3NAC3
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Raplex-Dan
Newbie Joined: 20 December 2019 Location: South-Africa Status: Offline Points: 5 |
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This is really dope man,i liked your opener
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