Open Mic: some_bs |
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D-NoS
Groupie Joined: 10 October 2014 Location: UK-Wales Status: Offline Points: 207 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-6-0 Form: LLLLLL |
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Posted: 23 April 2020 at 9:16pm |
They call it a mystery!?, like hey whats the question? I call yall the mystery, my reason for depression Not after attention, ..have you seen prescription? There isn't much thats right with me, I have mental retardation. This reason for ressesion's ..best left unmentioned. It all ends in detention... - after this session.. Drugs im taking, jumble mind like these words im spraying.. Prayin to god i make it thru this trip.. ..last one not worn off. In person kinda nice, kinda queit, kinda shy, Some ignore ..some call me random - call me dice Life in a labrinth is what its like with 3 eyes, Bugged out talking to the T.V ..like fighting-for-my-life, Hardly suprised to find that I've lost my mind, No point in trying for escape, all destined to die. Stretching your awarness with a lil' pull from mine, Everythings a lie, word is born and wrong is right, live ur, liv u |
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https://dnos.bandcamp.com
https://soundcloud.com/dnos_aka_dicey |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Well i'll be honest and type i liked this one, yeah it was simple in scheme,
nothing to heavy to make a reader stop and question or examine, and that in return aided the flow here, i do have a niggle here though, try to avoid using the "tion" words to frequent, as it gives off the impression of a lazy thought process, it's an easy word to rhyme with like cat or dry, just a few of these words together reads saturated real quick, as for the subject matt- er/content it was in the vein of escapism, via the labyrinth/drugs inclusion to highlight just a fragment of this verse, yeah i liked it, cool drop....peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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CHAIN
Standard Member Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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Never call your art 'some bs'
How am I supposed to take you seriously when you give me something and say its bs. Be confident, be great, shine, slay some dragons and do your thing. |
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