Shadow Boxing: Round 1 - Group 2 - Voting |
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Scotty32
Site Owner Speaker of Wisdom & Truth Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: North West, UK Status: Offline Points: 10489 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-4-0 Form: WLLWLL |
Topic: Round 1 - Group 2 - Voting Posted: 27 September 2005 at 7:09am |
Select the best two verses from Round 1, Group 2
Topic: Write as someone who died in Hurricane Katrina |
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BRIGGZY
Standard Member Joined: 16 July 2004 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 1617 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-2-0 Form: WWWWWW |
Posted: 27 September 2005 at 8:03am |
i vote for Verse Two. It was pritty close imo between the First an Second Verse's...The third was cool but it felt like they concentrated to hard on getting the multis match up Rather than actually piecing the imagery together. Vote-Verse Two |
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
Posted: 27 September 2005 at 11:23am |
lol, so obvious who is who in this...i thought they all had positives and negatives, the topic didnt really lend itself to a specific thing, i mean, do you write about a hurricanes power and your insignificance or do you write about how a person feels when they gona die, are they mad or jus accept it? Whats the thinkin of someone in this situation...
I liked verse one because it kind of captured the power of nature...like a tv smashed thru a guy's head, its clever because normally you value your TV more than the wind but it jus shows u how things can flip around, captured the essence of the tragedy, but i wudda prefered to see a more emotional response from the story-teller, its was too matter-of-fact for me, like "its a pitty she died", i was feelin this but i think you kinda doubted your ability to really attack the topic, i think you had the best framework and ideas within your verse and while i liked the "hook" to an extent i think it showed that u didnt wona write a lot on this, shudda had more confidence in ya ability, ur a talented writer Verse 2 had some hotness in it...i liked the imagery of trees snappin like toothpicks but really it was only flashes of good expression within a verse that really lacked ideas of how to explain the hurricane vividly, examples of workin the lines around the rhymes instead of vice-versa, which will hurt u in a topical verse...so yeh, thought some of the phrases were dope but the story itself really lacked anything, it was kinda like "um, what can i say....blah blah, oh i have 24lines", at least thats how it seemed to me Verse 3 was more of a mix than Verse 1, obviously had the best lyricism, and some of the phrasin was top-notch and i thought it was hot how you took time out to appreciate the beauty of the hurricane...liked how you contrasted that with a manmade institution but i think you were too political, like i dont really think that someone that died in a hurricane wud be like "fuck the government" ya know, maybe someone that survived the hurricane wud have time to express his anger like that, who knows...but i think that you used the line limit the best, dropped some knowledge in there like on the Noah thing and the excitement evoked by the cloud formations, i was really feelin the looter reference tho...i wudda went more with the whole chaos, life killin life thing more than ended on the government line, ya know...but still a nice verse For me, this was between Verse 1 and Verse 3...im leanin more toward verse 3 jus cause i think that he used the line limit more effectively and his verse generally had more to offer than verse 1, maybe if verse 1 had expanded a little more and used the extra bars he wudda had by cuttin out the "hook" then this cudda been different, still decent drops from all tho Verse 3 gets my vote |
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
Posted: 27 September 2005 at 11:25am |
Oh shit, jus saw that its vote for the best 2 verses, in that case Verse 1 and 3 were what I prefered
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Demonic
Superior Member X Fade II Joined: 06 August 2004 Location: Cardiff Status: Offline Points: 3463 Crew: XFade: Phoenix Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-4-0 Form: LLWLLW |
Posted: 27 September 2005 at 11:37am |
All different here.
verse 1 - I didnt like the opener too much , couldnt catch the flow eiher which never helped, u did stay on topic but i just never felt the verse too much. Verse 2 - Like this alot better way to put across the topic i think , good flow , multis here and there, but the creativity and imagery stood out the most really enjoyed this Verse 3 - Flow was good structure was on and off , multis were simple but still nice , stayed on topic well . Pretty close this verse 1 i didnt like weather it just be opion or wat i dont know, verse 3 was nice but on the simple side of it , vote verse 2 first vote verse 3 second |
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Demonic
Superior Member X Fade II Joined: 06 August 2004 Location: Cardiff Status: Offline Points: 3463 Crew: XFade: Phoenix Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-4-0 Form: LLWLLW |
Posted: 27 September 2005 at 11:40am |
cancel a vote for verse 2 i voted twice
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Kaos
Newbie Joined: 14 July 2005 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 42 |
Posted: 27 September 2005 at 3:22pm |
ok i liked 1 an 3 but seen as king jehu has the advantage of livin in america i think ob came suprisingly well for sum2 hu dnt relly no that much bout katrina that flow is bangin deep shit frm all vote VERSE 3 |
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20theTruth
Superior Member Joined: 10 August 2004 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2155 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 16-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
Posted: 27 September 2005 at 3:35pm |
Verse 1- 3rd |
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no more
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Scotty32
Site Owner Speaker of Wisdom & Truth Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: North West, UK Status: Offline Points: 10489 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-4-0 Form: WLLWLL |
Posted: 04 October 2005 at 5:25am |
uppin a vote
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I-kontinue
Veteran The Sovereign Joined: 14 July 2004 Status: Offline Points: 4961 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: #3 Stats: 46-9-0 Form: WWWWWL |
Posted: 04 October 2005 at 3:39pm |
Verse 1- The storyline was average...was jus straight forward...needed some more clever lines ...i look for wordplay in Topicals also people...dont jus use em in battles..the flow was pretty good throughout the verse...weak endig though ...i liked the smashed through the dome line...i laughed at that for some reason
Verse 2- Decent flow...the storyline was average also...some parts of the story would lag, and then other parts would run smoothly... The descriptions were cool tho, like dirt clingin to me wtc...An up and down verse in my view...i laughed at the closer tho, ha Verse 3- Definetely the most informed about hurricane Katrina of the battlers here....yesss...i was feelin the wordplay (DOPE CLOSER), and the Noah line...yeh, this is how a topical should look, flowed well...storytold well...best verse of the 3 Votes: 1) Verse 3 2) Verse 1 |
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Unforgiven
Standard Member Joined: 31 March 2004 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 544 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-8-1 Form: WLLLWL |
Posted: 04 October 2005 at 4:29pm |
for me it had to be 2 &3...
i felt like they were ryte on point, some nice imigry, and a scheam!! 2 had a thick ass scheam, it was straight forward n told momment by momment it seem'd... it felt like i was there witnessing it from a far!! good shit 3.. i liked as well, it had a total different scheam, jumpining from part to part but still kepping the interest and having an easy readablility and just kept it goin!! |
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Itz Simple....I'm Better Then You!!
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King Jehu
Veteran Joined: 23 January 2004 Status: Offline Points: 6088 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: #4 Stats: 54-18-1 Form: WLWWWL |
Posted: 04 October 2005 at 11:26pm |
Scheme
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Insert something rappy here
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Unforgiven
Standard Member Joined: 31 March 2004 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 544 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-8-1 Form: WLLLWL |
Posted: 05 October 2005 at 4:36pm |
as if you just corrected my spelling king ROFL!!
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Itz Simple....I'm Better Then You!!
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Scotty32
Site Owner Speaker of Wisdom & Truth Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: North West, UK Status: Offline Points: 10489 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-4-0 Form: WLLWLL |
Posted: 10 October 2005 at 4:11pm |
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