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Deathonađź’Ž View Drop Down
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    Posted: 21 April 2017 at 7:50am
Hello and greetings to all my fellow homosapiEN beings//

deathona WELCOMES you to the final completion finally a proper profile just as was needed

I ain't even Christian but I pray to Christian this don't get DELETED

SALAM ...internet keepers//

2nd.. language is eengleesh+

Plus... Im new to the arena new to arenas

I hail from KSA Makkah, Madina

SALAM to the MC's and non-believers

Only thing I hate more Than infadales OR hebrews// are beliebers with a god complex LIERS they SEE through fuck bois simps and alas thotty heros

so we on good terms if you ain't included in any of those evils//

Shout out to all of the writers & Readers
students & teachers , old lovers street hustlers young mother's and cheaters all in-between and all the fans on the bleachers I'd like to add more speakers
Just so this preach is clearer to feel this

Wallah you will not believe THIS!! this muslim swears that he is tha BOMB UH where are the American eagles he swears on the bible than on the Quran and lies in replies he plays ona song and they say he's preparing a sequel ,

Dont be shy to dive into this MIND of MINE

that constantly shines projecting pictures and signs flawlesly reflecting a well designed obviously a nod to a great Devine

accepting any anonymous hype hoping your journey to the danger zone no Kenny loggins can broaden your sights,

but the sad truth is the old and wise tell us to listen now the youths walking blind,

i mentally checkmate my self on every corner I hide planted on a land of MINES where i spend most of my TIME

not a single word burped you know THE code of MIMES///
trapped in a bubble hollow walls so conFINED//
we can see eachOTHER but you cannot come inSIDE//

makeup on my face cant see my fucking smile///

costumes fit me perfectLY working im doing Fine//

if a people planed to peek through my pupils like peepholes IN—TO my fucking EYES/

my soul would probably seep through uncovered naked no more master of disGUISE///

scrEAM on ma knEEs GOD of R SKY'S//

if i so much as slip a mili-meter OR bat an eye

sneeze while i sneak-a rhyme I'd most simply trip all these wires, inevitable results to my life death on repeat thousand over thousands multiplied.

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Shankley View Drop Down
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Joined: 03 September 2013
Location: Ilkley, England
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Shankley Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 April 2017 at 12:39pm
You're structure is all over the place, some lines are super short and others are stretched out more than tights on a fat girls thighs. You're rhymes are very basic as well, check out some of the other verses by more seasoned writers and then try again. With your verse structured this way it's hard to pick up any sort of flow.
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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 April 2017 at 1:41pm
feed other peoples work and you will receive the same. 
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Deathonađź’Ž View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Deathonađź’Ž Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 April 2017 at 1:55pm
Thanks much appreciated you have no clue.

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Schematic View Drop Down
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Joined: 08 November 2014
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Schematic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 April 2017 at 3:51pm
You are really pissed at them religious people it seems all you need to do is integrate more rhymes and structure your bars a bit different, your content is hardcore you got some serious issues but feslect as a writer everyone has their own style and has to start some where...keep writing beheading infidels for the cause
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