Open Mic: home sweet home

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Mackie View Drop Down
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    Posted: 04 December 2017 at 2:42am

Welcome to the crackhouse..
its residents are most inviting...
break bread, and make the sinners toast 
on a cracked out old mirror snowed 
in coke and ricin, raise ya rolled notes
with half dead blokes eulogising
- thoughts... 
and how to euthanize em.. so..
heres to the nose, 
and a vaguely hopeful notion of dying.
mate.. say it aint exciting...   
consumed by the doomy glow
of translucent smoke and broken lighting, 
the community chemist,
the nose off-liscese  
the devilish premises 
embedded an nestled in
amongst the brutally terraced tenements
tell the kids, skip the fairytales 
and you'll be passing on the heroin..
its where you'll find the cheap brass, 
in a slumberous state of malevolence, 
face the faintest shade and taint of anything
 she revels in place contained
in the shape of a sharp metal sting..
those that attend the den of pedalling
cease to see the beast in cess and sin..
lost souls with scabby arms play avatar 
the existentialist, self-saboteur  
bending spoons of morphine caviar..
a grubby brown, palace of fiend..
 canteen for those with a habit to feed
princesses strewn on saturated mattresses
never seem to struggle to sleep
its more of a peaceful panic
as they bubble and bleed...







Edited by Mackie - 04 December 2017 at 2:53am
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DressToKill View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote DressToKill Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 December 2017 at 2:47am
Holy fuck a ghost,

Welcome Mack this was a breath of fresh air. You gonna be sticking around?
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Mackie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Mackie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 December 2017 at 2:53am
ha, sup man. long time.

just got that bug man so idk, its been a while tho
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote DressToKill Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 December 2017 at 3:08am
I think you gained a step rather than lost one so props on that. Things have been pretty slow but they come in waves as you know. Hope to see you stick around
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Neek View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 December 2017 at 12:29pm
that heroin line tho?
#Bananas
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Endeavor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 December 2017 at 2:26pm
^ what fam said
#Bananas

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Absolute Abomination Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 December 2017 at 12:20am
this was a smart piece dude.
Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote alicewonder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 December 2017 at 8:27pm
Nice to see some variety of a scheme here. Lots of unique, very interesting incorporations. I really liked the 'eulogising thoughts' bit and the middle section. Good read! 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 December 2017 at 4:55pm
Hmm interesting,firstly i want to highlight your rhyme scheme here,i thought it was creative overall,the jumping in and out effect you displayed by using half or near rhymes was ripe,plus the jumping seemed to go hand in hand at key points within
the verse too so that was a big plus for me,your word choices were also good here,
they did bolster this piece together really, as it added a certain depth,your imagery
was present also,a good structurd piece on the whole,the only criticism i do have
(and this is just me being a prick) is the subject matter,not the most orignal,but
your take on this near tiring subject was ripe..peace.
"Life Is A Form Of Animated Death"...R.I.P..Poetic/Gravediggaz.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Mackie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 December 2017 at 7:35pm
thanks man appreciate the feedback, my first piece in 3 years
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