Open Mic: How to Spray a Burner [Volume Tres] |
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CHAIN
Standard Member Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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Posted: 28 November 2017 at 7:03pm |
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Bump stocks attached to my vocal chords, go to war Gun shots fired from the tongue so they can quote me more. Loaded Four Four but it's fully automatic though Home grown terrorists get bullied on their patio The wolliest of mammoths on the 32nd floor Bucking like 'what the fuck you think a murder weapon's for?' Don't gamble with your life, that's a Vegas metaphor You ain't really winning if the loser wants to check the score. Metal ore hits their brain once the flow sets ashore Since I'm not white, this is Jihad to the Western norms. On it from jump like black squares on a checkerboard Got the NRA flagging this as Beretta porn. On the low like collusion...Paul Manafort If this is not scripture I guess it's esoteric lore. I'm out here harvesting on these children of a lesser corn Shots that got you feeling like Iraqis during Desert Storm Grown bull, I go full Hulk on a lone wolf No lulz, I'm occult with it in my dome's gulf My flow culls the rhythm and the shit is so Pulp... Fiction, 's like the trigger of the chrome 's pulled...wicked. Hard and deep enough to crack a mole's skull, witnessed... Hoes sulking over CHAIN and his pole's bulge, bitches Edited by CHAIN - 28 November 2017 at 7:08pm |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Wow your in and out rhyme scheme was solid here,as too the assonace behind it,
this scheme went past just being internals,the 3rd instalment that i've been following from day one,is strangely getting better as it unfolds,this would be the ideal subject matter to make an iLLaid series,you've displayed some real nice pengame thus far, (ppl I recommend reading this trio from the start), the metaphors/similes were also solid in this piece,(deep/moles and Vegas/gambling) just to hash out a couple of many,shit even the wording was crisp here, the metal ore line/bar grabbed my full attention,this verse was (dare I type) ripe in all honesty,and when you drop OM's they come with a signature of quality,(ppl know there in for a good read),and here is no different,i've really enjoyed this series so far,(just would of liked to seen more feed come your way,as this trio of verses does command it)..a very enjoyable read for me,ripe work man..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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GiliganDillinger
Groupie Joined: 18 January 2014 Status: Offline Points: 223 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 7-1-0 Form: WWWLWW |
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I've been lurking in the shadows for quite some time and I've really enjoyed a lot of work I've read from varying authors, but this is the first one I've read that really made go "damn". Excellent phrasing and the word placement was top notch. I'm really interested to see more of your work. This would sound crazy on a beat.
How long did it take you to write this? |
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LiL Nigga
Newbie Joined: 29 November 2017 Status: Offline Points: 5 |
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Yo dis was tight but you left out shit like bitches money dope n blang blang my nigga, the whole thing needed more ice
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alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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Great to come back and see you still at it (I mean, who woulda though otherwise). I have to re-read the preceding verses but I can still vaguely remember the first one, and I love how you carried the tone and the quite creative approach throughout. Your signature scheme and flow is, of course, another highlight. The way you combined grave current events/issues with a subtlety is remarkable, to say the least. 'Patio/32nd floor', 'lone wolf' and 'mole's skull' were significant/stand-out lines, just to name a few. Thanks for sharing.
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Mackie
Standard Member Joined: 20 August 2005 Location: MK Status: Offline Points: 1504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 45-38-4 Form: LLWLNW |
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good to see you still at it man.
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The Rap Daemon
Standard Member Joined: 05 August 2015 Location: Purgatory Status: Offline Points: 1108 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-14-0 Form: LWLWWL |
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Don't gamble with your life, that's a Vegas metaphor
^^^ Any expo inside a punchline... Me gusta! Multies were solid and flow was smooth. Some lines I feel could have been better with some double-meanings so there'd be more effective punchlines in every bar, but the one's you did have were slick and this was an enjoyable read nonetheless. |
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Faggot
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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yup.
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