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Cuba 
Senior Moderator 
Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12329  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
 Topic: HW Topical (Rd 2) - Spume v AmginPosted: 10 August 2015 at 9:27pm |
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Quarter Final: HEAT WAVE
Topic = Volcanic eruption Max 24lines Best of three votes from nominated JUDGES Deadline = midnight, 23rd August Edited by Cuba - 24 August 2015 at 10:20pm |
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Nigma
Site Moderator
Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision   |
Posted: 20 August 2015 at 3:57am |
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Mother Natures Monthly Flow  today its green. its red tomorrow lay and dream. repress the sorrow repression.. that suggests a warning bend towards it but blend below........ the fresh dew sets in the dead of morning and the effervescent scent of petrichor gets the senses soaring sense the warmth, it sends endorphins, cracks the mantle gas amasses as the magma splashes at you avalanche of ash and lava scopes its targets with the focus of pocahantus as columbus boat approach her waters flowing onwards as an omen. flawed as frozen saunas holding honor for hope like spawning a coat of arms that's no alarm, its a coping method for broken karma fold to hardships, sorrow is calming. tomorrows upon us the offset crimson lore, a response to the stories they're drawing the living core dims some more, begins to form into rock its important you watch this. i hope you know the morale. keep watching become a global bone, the only zone that's storing its conscience sploshes of phosphorus frozen in stone, the home and the tomb and the pull of erosion, loathe its devotion and motion it onwards roasted then thawed, won't float, so it falls to the ocean of knowledge you know that the process is going onwards like open waters from frozen to hot till emotion is gone, it's my omen to slaughter known and forgotten holy ghost of a son who had grown to a father ... im a stone, and im lava.
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spume corrupt
Superior Member 
Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3163 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
Posted: 30 August 2015 at 11:06pm |
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Been taking shape and structure, forming these slopes from ruptures I breathed life into this planet through deep open punctures I've given hope at junctures, critical to mans existence Now I'm brimming full to spew again still standing here persistent Take this land back in an instant- was Millennia in the making So many complacent - mistaking - I was spent and I was vacant Now I'm venting from the basement, Magma chamber the main danger Toxic gas's amassing ammount to a game changer!!! Like unconstrained anger cant keep the violence inside us Discharge imminent, Earth's shaking is the sign that your times up But to the hill tribes that still thrive, my presence here is reverenced Millions built settlements and harnessed my benevolence Grew harvests that were excellent and mastered this vicinity But nothing lasts eternally, one blast could end stability Supercharged with Earth's toxicity churning molten rocks out Ash clouds hit the stratosphere the burning sun gets blocked out And then the crops fail, You get starving Children Livestock an beast drink when there parched and it Kills them Tsunamis race across parts of the oceans Unyielding Earthquakes leave hearts broken an tear down Buildings Acid rains falling leaving the Skin burned Eruptions keep surging beyond every last Sins purged Extinction Level Event |
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JBrenn
Superior Member
Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3757 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
Posted: 02 September 2015 at 3:26pm |
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this is a tough battle to judge it was full of great work... i would like to do a breakdown this way:
Vocab and complexity- Nigma took this his words were far more descriptive. Poetic- this was a tie at first but the way spume closed his verse he edged this category out.... Flow- Tied thats easy to see. Grasp of topic- tie development- tie message- tie Here is the best way i can describe my thoughts on this... Spume you came with a straight poetic message level type drop and killed it and it was an amazing read... Nima you came with a poetic new style of an approach... the spin you put into this where you were the volcano was fresh to me... you captured a character that pulled me in as a reader.... this vote has to go on what i preferred... so mvgt NIGMA
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Concrete
Standard Member 
Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1418 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
Posted: 09 September 2015 at 12:32pm |
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Nigma, opening fresh with a really poetic steelo and dropping nice literary depictions all the way.
Flexing some of the richest english language register ever seen on here, and you manage to incorporate some of those neat schemes in the mix as well. Technically this is pretty sweet, regarding your intepretation I think it started interestingly enough, I was with the narrative but somehow it ended in a kinda lackluster way. Besides the nicely scripted bars the story itself failed to intrigue me much, perhaps it was just too ambiguous for my taste. Spume, like Nigma you're pretty much on point with crafting bars, the language wasn't as poetic or fancy as Nigmas but yours had a better stucture for that easy-to-read-flow. Your take on the subject suited my flavor better, because you really managed to bring that sense of cataclysm dread and nature's inevitability into your piece. The final part also did a good job of portraying the more down to basic human levels of despair and worked as a finisher at that. Strong battle here no doubt, coming to writing finesse these 2 cats are about dead even, but I vote Spume C for having the intepretation that grabbed me the most. |
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Exoduzt
Superior Member
NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
Posted: 11 September 2015 at 12:10am |
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Nig: This was beautifully written and so fucking poetic. You took a way different approach to the topic than I thought you would. you really stepped out of the box on this one and you nailed it in my opinion. The vocab was strong and the verse itself was creative. Mixed in with the poetic vibe this was a very enjoyable read. My critique on this is that I had to reread it a few times to find the flow. I felt in some parts it was very drawn out and you could of said a lot more with less if that makes sense. But when I re read it i eventually connected with it and it was on point.
Spume: Holy shit Spume. This was a complete different side of your writing that I didn't know you could do. You need to get into doing more topicals for real. I really enjoyed this drop rite here. Like Nigma I felt you took a poetic stand point and you nailed it as well. Your flow was strong and you kept me entertained from beginning to end. You really impressed me with this and thats hard to fucking do. There was a couple parts I would have worded differently but other than that this was great spume. This is one of the hardest topicals i have had to vote on in a very long time. You both came with the poetic vibe and you both killed it. I honestly really hate to have to chose one as a winner cus i feel you both won. But ima have to side with nigma. It really just came down to preference. I feel he was a bit more descriptive and it painted a clearer picture for me. you both should be happy about your verses mvgt Nigma
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Cuba
Senior Moderator
Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12329 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
Posted: 13 September 2015 at 5:28am |
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Nigs advances
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