Heat Wave: HW Topical (Semi) - Scoot v Exo

Scotty - one of the few here who really dig into some throwback rhymeschemes, it may be a bit simplistic in 2015, still you manage to pace those rhymes into a nice and steady flow. It's very easy to read and catch the content right away. The story itself was basically straightforward, neither wack or spectacular. First half was the clearly strongest, you introduced the character and story in a clear and non-convulated fashion. Regarding the rest, the downfall of the gambler wasn't a very original take.

Scooter

Great drop from both side.. Let me break it down..

First with scooty:

Flow- Very well done here.. This aspect was smooth and calm but there are places where some piece slipped out a little.


'loss after loss, I'm no longer a boss
my heart I cross, as with the dice it’s one last toss
Lucks gotta turn around, lost to much to back down
my pants turn brown, its time to skip town'

You will agree with me here that the manner in which the first line above flows differs from the second line.. The syllables count clearly proved it(the first is shorter than the second) while in the 2nd bar, first is longer than the second.. Should had the first line syllables count equal the 4th line, i would've said you did a technical work there but only the 2nd n 3rd line flow to me..


Rhyme scheme- You literally had it here; your multis n' basic one syllabic rhyme occurred naturally, i would say considering what i have down here..


'I was enticed from the first roll of the dice
ignorin’ all advice, never thinkin’ about the price
all eyes on the prize, no sign of demise'

'was enticed/all advised, dice/price'.. Perfect work.. However, along the way, it occurred to me that you focused much on the rhyming aspect, the rhymes were becoming much and you know that isnt very nice...

Wordings- i found not much of this in you work, i mean your quote were okay and the words used but you were merely quoting and beautifying your work with metaphors, simileys, etc instead of hitting more on the content!


Structure- i was surprised to see how you put your work, the spacing with the enter key isnt nice at all, not necessary to me! And a place i saw some mess 'where the first line was shorter than the second, third and fourth line'


Metaphors- what more can i say? You even did much of this compared to the content work!


Imagery- i pictured some images like the entering casino in las vegas, etc.. You lost a bit of this when you focused on quotes n metaphors..


.

Exo;



Flow- Have it here but believe me bro, yours even slipped more here compared to that of scooty but there's this due to some forced rhymes i encountered


'I feign for the knowledge and the feeling that I need to be needed & followed...
Till my intelligence is spilled and it just seeps inta tomorrow...
So believe in my sorrow, I'm the smartest man alive with a soul thats depleted & hollow...'


Those 3 piece don't flow at all, the end multis in the first and third you tried was forced..

Imagery- props to you here for that, you painted a vivid picture in my mind, the content/topic wasnt let out a bit.. Even when you did throw some quotes and metaphors in, you would come back and continue from where you did stopped..


Rhyme scheme- some were forced, few multis and the basic rhymes but nevertheless, it was on point.. The only bad effect it had was on the flow..

Structure- there are few places where you wanted forcing rhymes and it extended your line thereby making on longer than the other.. However, i would pick the structure over scooty's own..

Metaphors- what was given was what was wanted, not much needed but they werent outstanding compared to scooty's own..


Wordings- i'm a fan of the word work you did her man, the words used and how they occurred.. How each was related to each other and alos related to the content were really nice..


Flow- Tie
Wordings- Exo
Metaphors- scooty
Imagery- Exo
Structure- Exo
Rhyme/multis- scooty....

Mvgt- Exoduzt