Open Mic: I Remember

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   As I sit with a rhyme

Locked in my room, quiet as a mime
Things would be different if I had more time
I'm just an artist painting with muddy colors
You were just a shark swimming in bloody water
You knew I was smart, but to you- I was a bore from the start
Is that what tore us apart?
Out of options, I remember Annabelle told me I had a problem
Because it wasn't courage that was shot in my vein,
More like something to stop all the pain
Wet from the rain. I remember you came to my porch
We hit it off darling, the flame to my torch
I remember your skin, fair as a rose petal
You told me "don't settle"
Now I tried giving advice and you told me "don't meddle"
It Is my wish that I could Hold True,
but old wounds won't let me hold you...
Storybook endings. historical references
I guess it was me who said we were ending it
Was it all just lust?
Now I keep thinking of the meaning of "us",
I don't know anymore; the meaning of love

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emcee squared Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 08 August 2015 Location: usa Status: Offline Points: 43	Post Options Post Reply Quote emcee squared Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: I Remember Posted: 18 January 2019 at 5:06am
	As I sit with a rhyme Locked in my room, quiet as a mime Things would be different if I had more time I'm just an artist painting with muddy colors You were just a shark swimming in bloody water You knew I was smart, but to you- I was a bore from the start Is that what tore us apart? Out of options, I remember Annabelle told me I had a problem Because it wasn't courage that was shot in my vein, More like something to stop all the pain Wet from the rain. I remember you came to my porch We hit it off darling, the flame to my torch I remember your skin, fair as a rose petal You told me "don't settle" Now I tried giving advice and you told me "don't meddle" It Is my wish that I could Hold True, but old wounds won't let me hold you... Storybook endings. historical references I guess it was me who said we were ending it Was it all just lust? Now I keep thinking of the meaning of "us", I don't know anymore; the meaning of love

rhetorical Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote rhetorical Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 January 2019 at 4:17pm
	there was sections that came off as poetic and highlighted this verse. there were other sections that seemed under written, and in whole, the flow was a bit shaky and inconsistent. full of emotion, the tone was the real winner here. . but it did all seem just a tad bit rushed. enjoyable read with some minor nuances


emcee squared Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 08 August 2015 Location: usa Status: Offline Points: 43	Post Options Post Reply Quote emcee squared Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 24 January 2019 at 2:49am
	Thanks for the feed and youre right, there were some rushed and underwritten parts.

D-NoS Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 10 October 2014 Location: UK-Wales Status: Offline Points: 207 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-6-0 Form: LLLLLL	Post Options Post Reply Quote D-NoS Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 29 January 2019 at 3:57pm
	Pretty dope man despite the fast written. Message was clear, good read! Keep it up man :)
	https://dnos.bandcamp.com https://soundcloud.com/dnos_aka_dicey