Identity crisis: IC Round 2: Battler 1 vs Battler 8 |
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Topic: IC Round 2: Battler 1 vs Battler 8 Posted: 11 February 2015 at 10:12pm |
Identity Crisis: Round 2 - 30-50 Lines 3-0KO or First to 5 - Battlers will be anonymous - Votes will be hidden - Wednesday February 18th, 11:59pm GMT time Round 2 Theme: Protagonist/Antagonist If you reveal who you are to someone and I find out, you are immediately disqualified.If you don't vote and end up winning the tournament, money will be taken off the prize. Voting rules: Votes will be hidden and need to be approved my a moderator. Please vote in the thread, and it will be revealed at the end of the battle. (Don't PM them) Voters must have 250 posts to vote (I think there was a couple shady votes last round) Remember those that don't vote will have money taken off if they win Battler 1: Nazi General Battler 8: Jew in the Holocaust Keep in mind that you do not have to follow a specific storyline.
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 19 February 2015 at 4:59am |
Battler 1 Nazi General Harsh courses in the armed forces has you respecting authority Ill prepares you for directing autonomy, suspecting all scholarly Ideas, the night sears and burns those who followed the system Trusting banks and Jews who spoke with the hollowest wisdom The bread lines spread miles, they threw crumbs like projectiles Makes my blood boil knowing we've succumbed to those reptiles Who've plundered our textiles, munitions, and other industries Never wondered where the threat lies, it doesn't interest me The politics, false promises, collaring the spirit of our nation The West has us hemmed in, the limits are frustrating Restricting our recruits, making us defenceless, it's senseless!! But then the Nazis came in the middle of the tempest Hypnotic Hitler spoke like he was mimicking a temptress With every vowel and curse he'd make the clouds disperse With the proudest verse, made us feel our power and worth And he's telling all the generals we're to scour the earth... So we prepared raw, with vulgarity for war in totality Swore the law was a fallacy, oversaw the brutality Training camps, maiming tramps, just the beginning Sinister sinning, swigging gin, militants, this is winning A lightning war, a Breitling force, a frightening thought Sniping scores, heightening trau-ma, life killed...corpse Of course we riddled the villains with millions of shells And if you survived well, you were living through Hell Punish the Polish, hellion for Belgiums, Finnish the French Batter the British in the Battle of Britain, listen, the stench Of blood and guts was disgusting, but our violent pollution Laid the foundations in the East for our final solution.... We herded the Jews up into the East into ghettos "Don't belong on our land, a pest of a beast like a gekko We'll treat them like echoes, remnants of the past And make art from the carcass, like Rembrandt with a gas" Coz our enemies are everywhere, total, pervasive "From the Slavs to the Jews, gays and the vagrants The vermin deserving of burning, advancing a coma Then scatter them across all our land like the Roma A travelling circus of death", my tempers flagrant "I'll personally murder the Yids for my entertainment" Make all the right noises, so I don't threaten suspicions Coz Turing's Enigma wasn't the only weapon for Britain... Yes I was a turncoat, a plant, a tactical Tommy Why the fuck else you think Hitler was attacking the Commies?! When they had us in a corner, battered, defeated Deep in a war room we had the actions repeated I advocated heavily for an attack on the Russians "Strike now and it'll lead to those bastards' destruction!" Other generals were sceptical, "this is no turn for the good" But Hitlers bile for the Slavs made him yearn for their blood So our master plan was enacted, the patsy was bonkers A strike from within was how the Nazis were conquered... |
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 19 February 2015 at 4:59am |
Battler 8 was a no show.
Please leave battler 1 feedback on his verse. |
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Shankley
Superior Member Joined: 03 September 2013 Location: Leeds, England Status: Offline Points: 3369 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 37-43-1 Form: WNLWWL |
Posted: 20 February 2015 at 12:26pm |
Battler 1: This was Dope, i liked the internal multis it helped the verse and made for a smooth flow. You nailed the topic and a very good story as well. I feel your second stanza was your strongest. It was heavy with references which is good keep the story relevant. I didn't really get the gecko line, the beginning about them not belonging and being pests but the gecko bit threw a little. The ending was strong as well nicely finished off the story, great job.
Battler 8: No content or rhyme schemes or words for that matter. And for that reason MVGT Battler 1 |
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Ransom
Standard Member Joined: 30 June 2014 Location: 7 Citys Status: Offline Points: 911 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-0-0 Form: WW |
Posted: 21 February 2015 at 12:07pm |
Great verse number 8, you summed up the history of the war as well as the life of the jews pretty well. I felt you focused more on your flow then the actual story.. If you would have widen your bars you could have been a little more vivid with your story. But overall it was a good story.. Props
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~Lyrical Death Dealer~
"The Mike Myers of Papyrus" |
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Exoduzt
Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
Posted: 24 February 2015 at 8:34pm |
Damn its a shame you had a no show.
Damn. The way you opened up with the authority you did was killer. Internals mixed with the vocab just put it on a different level. I liked how you played that. projectile reptile shit was cool as fuck. To be honest your whole first section was very well executed. If I was to critique it I would just look like an asshole. Very well written. Cheers on that You opened up the second section in the same fashion. I loved the swiggin gin part. The corpse line was off. The ... might have thrown me off. But you followed it up with some of the best writing and accuracy that I have seen in a long fucking time. the french/stench bar was just amazing. this is what I concider intelligent writing. The Rembradnt with a gas line? Damn thats all I have to say about that. The traveling circus of death line was a nice description. I'm finding it kinda hard to find fallacies within your verse. I really enjoyed how you ended it as well. I mean I'm trying to find something wrong with this but I cant. This is the best verse I have read in the tournament yet. thanks for such a dope fucking read. |
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Titu
Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: 🔥 Hell 🔥 Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW |
Posted: 02 March 2015 at 12:15pm |
very well. Perfectly executed and nice display of vocab and imagery. Your internals and multis made the verse come out really smooth. Seeing from the skills youve shown, it looks like you are a seasoned writer. Whole verse was dope tbh but I liked the oppening the most. It was better in terms of execution. Its a shame that this verse went to waste.
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Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.
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dalinquent
Superior Member Joined: 04 June 2004 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 4687 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 29-23-1 Form: WLLLWL |
Posted: 02 March 2015 at 7:54pm |
this is a proper topical verse. The flow was consistent and simple enough to meet the story shine to the point it read well. It definitely didn't feel like I was reading a long ass verse because I was engaged by the story to the point of enjoyment. In swear this verse does everything I enjoy in a story telling piece. The story was well thought out, the twist at the end was simple, believable, and dramatic enough whereas I stopped to reflect upon the story upon discovery. It was very well executed. Well done battle 1
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