Identity crisis: IC Round 2: Battler 2 vs Battler 7

Battler 2 - I think you had a tough job on this topic, it's a really difficult one & I think I'm going to have to give you a degree of leniency with the flaws (more on those later)...first, what I liked. Smoothly written, really good rhyme scheme and complexity of rhymes...you basically oozed highly developed sense of style in that you were rhyming on a high level but it didn't really get in the way that you portrayed the story. I also really liked the way you tackled that 'way you got the handicap' with the mothers drug addiction & then relating that insatiable desire for crack to your characters longing to be accepted & needed. It was a really good spin on the topic, you made it about the person beneath the condition rather than the condition.

In terms of the flaws...I think the details were a bit blurry / choppy, like were you in foster care or not..I don't think social services would let a child with that kind of specialist need bounce around (maybe I'm wrong!!), not sure the person would even remember the earliest years of their life, especially with a mental handicap. Finally & toughest from the "topical" perspective, is the voice of the character didn't really match the mental handicap of your character...like you're talking about someone who should be struggling to understand the world around them on a basic level & you're describing that in a detailed/eloquent way from a first person perspective, that doesn't really match up. Obviously, you can write it very basic, but I would've looked for some kind of recognition of his handicap within your verse from a stylistic point of view to hit that super high level "that shit was amazing" type comments.

But overall I thought this was dope, very progressive way of approaching the topic and I enjoyed it from both a style and story point of view. Very strong drop.

Battler 7 - hmmmmm...I'm a bit conflicted on this one, it was kind of both sides of the coin. What I liked: I think you had some genuinely show stopping lines in here, the contradict his expressions...wilt saplings was dope imagery, I really liked the "dangling fate" part too, the rhythm accentuated it and really brought it out. I think the closer was a sharp way to close it off. I also liked that you made it episodic, so you didn't really dwell in any particular area and automatically freshened it up.

I think you also struggled in multiple departments...consistency was a big one, coz although I saw some very high quality in there if I'm honest after the first section I was like "yeah, this is going to be a clear victory to the other guy", then you hit me with the second bit which made me stand up and be like "whoah, ok, maybe not"...I think some of your content felt a little wrapped around the rhyme scheme you had, so at times you kind of focused on the structure a bit too much (that contrasted to the very smooth and cohesive feel that came across from your opponents verse). I also felt that the story wasn't great...killing the son is kind of obvious & then you are almost melodramatic in that you go for a shock factor with the letter that I don't think really worked at all.

So yeah, overall your high points were really high quality but I think you maybe tried to be a bit too clever with it and that hurt your verse as a whole. I think if you'd maybe focused more on the parents emotional turmoil & developed that without the need for "action" and "elaborate twists" then you probably would've came across with something that felt a bit more authentic.

It's a tough one...but I think my personal preference is for that more authentic, emotional, subtle approach so for that reason I'll be voting for Battler 2. I did enjoy both verses & both showed really good quality...just felt battler 2 did a better job of bringing it all together.

Vote = Battler 2

Handicapped child - first off, I liked the story. I thought the return of the mother was done well. That bit worked well as for some kind of change in the story. How he was prepared to give her a second chance and how it excited came off like a natural turn. The ends little twist was not surprising but a believable end. This was a well thought out little story. On the technical side I found the flow stuttered and stopped in parts. Squeezing all those internal rhymes kind of had an opposite effect in parts. Also a few syllable could of been cut here and there. I got more into the flow the aecond half.

Parent. As far as the story goes I have to say I found it abit confusing. I think the multiple character wasn't done as clearly as it could. Maybe it's my ignorance, it just felt a bit disjointed narrative wise. I think you if you had tried to juggle less your rhymes could of carried it off. Was abit unnessary, but you took a risk. Can't blame you for that. On the technical side it was really good though. It flowed well and the multi's and internal were there and did there bit. A strong piece from that perspective

Mvgt - the disable child. The patent was more accomplished technically but I felt the child held together the better story and preference wise I preferred it. Well done to both.

handicap - good mechanics at times, wordy in some lines, biggest setback was the depiction of the fetal alcohol syndrome didnt seem to be at the point of being handicapped, feel like you missed out a bit on that aspect of the topic. some nice images in the multi  sets though, ending coulda used some more pizazz but not a bad verse.

Battler 2... I thought this was a great read. Ur in depth description and emotion was awesome tbh. Couldn't Imagin this situation and the drug/drunk mother twist made the situation worse. The ending was awesome tho. Verse wise? Everything flowed nice. Wording was clean imo and had real feeling to it.


Battler 7 I liked ur approach as well. Thought u started off bland/simple. Then the story picked up. Everything flowed u had gold imagery. Ur ending was fucked up. Situation was wild I liked this out of the box shit.

Overall this is fucking close. Second battle I've voted on for this tourny and I would say this is battle of the round so far. First battler had a cleaner verse. I felt the story more, as the second battler started off a bit slow but I like the turn around tbh. But I got battler 2 edging this not by much. Just for a smoother verse wording wise. And I just felt
His imagery and emotion more. Cheers to both these battler man this was close

Vote #2

BATTLER 2 :

Your rhyming was good , but seemed a little bit forced to me , primarily in the first half of the drop. i think that you could have worded it a bit more smoothly but i still think that it was a good piece.

A booze hound plus smack inflicted, my first everlasting vision-
Was basically a white light that reflected as my casket glistened-

^^ I liked the wording and descriptive - imagery words you chose here. Very Deep , and very profound. even though you do not describe a certain emotion the way you dropped this bar was a very good display of it .

Someone offer an end, as I stay unloved while my mother is off with her friends-
Smoking crack coughin' her phlegm, in an alley cold with frost on her chin-

^^ i thought this was a sick ass well executed line and you used great imagery and your rhyming was on point here

Then one day in my teens a lady showed up with tears in her eyes-
She was very apologetic but I could sense her fear in disguise-
She claimed I know you hate me and probably tired of hearing my lies-
Then I realized it was my mother looking radiant clean and sober-
She was in such a bad place that she was a devil on a demons shoulder-

SOOO EMOTIONAL HERE. i think that the emotional aspect got turned up a notch here. This was honestly my favorite section out of your verse

Overall i think that your verse was good but i just think , as i stated above, that in parts you could have worded it a bit better and the rhyming seemed forced in a lot of places.

BATTLER 7 :

I think that your verse was alot more aggressive and i feel like o executed the third person perspective at a much higher level then the latter.

   Its disturbing as fuck.. I even tried blazing the strains,
I kept praising for change but the pain stayed the same,
Perfectly aimed at my brain... My fate's destructive and weak,
Causing me to loose faith while I rupture and bleed,

^^ Sick rhyming and flow heere, mixed with your aggression, i feel like this wass a great choice in the first opening lines of your verse. really set the tone for the rest of the piece

His first impression on folks; "This kid has deadly infection"
"Look how his actions always trying to contradict his expressions"
"he aint no precious, his father's in the depths of depression,"
"I think being special is the reason he's his daddy's obsession"

This was my favorite bar set of the battle overall from both verses. all i ca say to this one is fucking ILL

excellent drop with excellent rhyming , imagery story telling wording execution and you also used a unique structure that worked with the little adlibs in between witch added a flare of style as well. AWESOME


over all i think that due to just having an overall better verse with a higher level of execution

MVVGT- BATTLER 7