Topic Closed Identity Crisis 2: IC2 Finals: Battler 1 vs Battler 2

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Direct Link To This Post Topic: IC2 Finals: Battler 1 vs Battler 2
    Posted: 05 June 2017 at 8:01pm
Identity Crisis: Final Round

- 20-60 Lines.
- Best of 7
- Battlers will be anonymous- Votes will be hidden
- Sunday June 11th, Midnight UK time

Scenario



Go my Minions!


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 June 2017 at 7:44am
Battler 1

My eyes are foggy, contacts are dry, eyes red & hungover 
Liquor is my aroma, I'm that guy who never gets drunk (a lush sober)
So what?! I celebrated the biggest achievement in my life 
Graduated with a degree & training for the season at its height
Sworn solider born focused to be on a team against the odds
A legion, legend squad to dominate any weaker like facades 
I digress, sweat dripping from my brow strengthening my core 
Physical exercise is a metaphor for the veterans from before 
There's history in these black & blues, attitudes, status (that I haven't used)
Excellence from those who paved the way with untouchable attributes
No slack we're fueled & prepped to use the best to be future vets
Scoping the opposition as we boot the steps to combat ruthless threats
A veteran, I wasn't. I was taught by the best... or at least it's what I thought
His stature was Godly, with priceless respect (if there was a fee I would've bought)
The confidence in his walk, the ownership in the words he spoke
The passion in his tone was unpolluted like certain folks 
His shield was transparent & protecting himself was secondary 
Others came first 'til I realized the truth was just commentary 

...It was February, frigid frost on the windshield of the car
The windchill touched the bones as if it was gripping your arm
(A call comes through), "uh huh" he says a couple words like "You know you my dog"
He hung up... looked at me & said "Homie gotta chill with these broads"
Out the corner of my eye I see someone approaching afar, (I didn't trust in my heart)
Cuz my childhood taught me most people are snakes like Jafar 
He passes, my idol gets out & calls for the person to stop
Breath from the conversation filled the air creating purposeful plot
His aggressiveness made me unsure if I should be nervous or not
A flickering flash from this strangers burner was shot
Immediately... "shot's fired, officer down... I'm in pursuit" 
Racing past my partner lying on the ground as he didn't move
Looking for the suspect through the darkness that consumed...
...Both of us, in the evil night.. I understood I might have to shoot
Through intersections & streets he flees from me ignoring my commands
"I ain't do shit" he ranted out of breath as he continually ran
He made a move down an alley where there was no way to escape 
Him & I with only 10 yards of space (my gun is drawn aimed at his face)
"Get on the fucking ground!" remembering my recent training 
His every inch makes me think he's reaching like I can see him raising
Full of adrenaline, I'm thinkin' of the news & how they'll ruin the genuine
If I have to execute brute force & shoot this gentleman 

Tempers flaring... "Sir, please I don't want to use my weapon" 
My radio is cracking voices through.. khh khh... "Yo, Stu what direction?!")
I'm too focused, tunnel vision on every flinch this guy moves 
"I have the suspect at gun point, he's refusing my cues"
...What if I shoot... replays over & over in my head on repeat
To leave another man my age dead on the street
He tells me he is going to answer his phone & reaches for his hip
I tell him to stop his shirt lifts showing me the clip
...I shoot... 1 shot... right to the left of his chest 
"Shots fired, suspect down" immediately I begin to tremble & sweat
Pronounced dead at the scene, next there was an investigation 
Looking in to every scenario to justify if every step was taken
(Digging deeper), the suspect did not have any firearms when he was killed
My heart sunk... that cold night revisited (I was chilled) 
The victim? My partners friend who he was threatening with his weapon
He shot himself in the leg to have the rookie act as his henchman 
As if that wasn't enough they check on my partner... (as you thought it was deep) 
.....He was the person calling the victim making him reach..... 
The facts revealed he found out his wife was creeping out at night
& lost his mind when he saw his best friend sleeping with his wife 


Edited by Cuba - 12 June 2017 at 7:54pm
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 June 2017 at 7:46am
Battler 2

Me? ... People said I was the runt of the line
The smallest & the weakest & the youngest of nine
My brothers ... all hunters ... always come up behind
... shouting out my name and make me jump every time
My name's 'Boo!'   ... Mother said that I was "One of a kind"
The sluggardly type with no muscles defined
I find hunting's a bind and I struggle to climb
And even nuts and berries are a bugger to find
Must be a sign ... of higher functioning mind
Cos if humans are evolving, one rung at a time
I'm the blueprint for improvement on the current design!
You've heard of my inventions? Here's another of mine
I call it a 'Boo' ... it shouldn't puzzle you why
Quite effective as a weapon for the hunting of swine
I sculpted out a stave from the trunk of a pine
Bent it at the ends, then strung with a vine
And once it's been primed ... with a custom-made spine
I'll hit a Buffalo's eye from over one-hundred strides!
Allows me to compete with those double my size
So when the "Hunt-Off" came around ... I reluctantly signed
But mostly to impress the only love of my life
She turns me to putty with the lust in her eyes ...
Could be a *Pleistocene Model* ... cos that huntress is fine! 
Round 1 ... My Boo & Arrows 'gainst their clubs and their knives ...
And I landed more kills than all my brothers combined
Now the huntress was mine! ... you know the way that I knew?
How she dragged me by the ankles to her cave for some 'snoo'
Then she asked me lots of questions about making a Boo
Yes I knew that she was using me, then changing her tune
But assess the situation ... ask "who's taking in who?"
Yes, I told her what she wanted ... but she 'laid with me' too ... (score!)
Round 2 ... Everyone has a Boo
So everyone is even? ... No, that simply is NOT true!
Cos first I affixed a perpendicular stock to ... 
... then a trigger and lock too ... 
Now Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the "Crossboo"
With my counterparts still grunting something suitably primal
I shot a dozen Bison, now I'm through to the final! 
Final Round ... Crossboo versus ... clubs?!
Man, that's actually retarded ... 
Can't believe that they're all back where we started ...
But then, when I was busy tracking a target
They broke my arms and legs and now I'm trapped in a tar-pit
Fuck 'he who laughs hardest' or 'he who has the last laugh'
The moral of this story is "no one likes a smart arse"


Edited by Cuba - 12 June 2017 at 8:26pm
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 June 2017 at 7:59pm
<INSERT VOTES>
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 June 2017 at 8:50pm
1

Your Plot had basically every ingredient needed to keep me glued to this which I liked the opening section paints a picture of growth and success that " at least I thought I did"
Shows that he went back to explain his current thoughts I also liked that how his partner setting him up was mentioned in an early stage of the drop without giving away the twist at the end that's dope the flow was nice though I admit I had to read it fast to be comfy with the schemes which was the only tiny fault I had with this verse it was solid written

2

First of all the flow here was superb not a tiny fault with it what so ever the entire verse no doubt
The plot you had was really impressive too considering the fact that the flow was so on point it appeared that you had a story and you never had a struggle portraying it at all even with the economic word usage and the imagery at times was envied e.g the trunk line was straight up accurate this also had some humor in my eyes


Verdict

This battle was really sick both writers came with brilliant verses and after reading these a several times I have to go with 2

1 edged this with imagery and the plot twist at the end erthing else was on 2 for me

Great one
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 June 2017 at 11:16pm


Battler 1


My eyes are foggy, contacts are dry, eyes red & hungover 

Liquor is my aroma, I'm that guy who never gets drunk (a lush sober)

So what?! I celebrated the biggest achievement in my life 

Graduated with a degree & training for the season at its height

Sworn solider born focused to be on a team against the odds

A legion, legend squad to dominate any weaker like facades 

I digress, sweat dripping from my brow strengthening my core 

Physical exercise is a metaphor for the veterans from before 

There's history in these black & blues, attitudes, status (that I haven't used)

Excellence from those who paved the way with untouchable attributes

No slack we're fueled & prepped to use the best to be future vets

Scoping the opposition as we boot the steps to combat ruthless threats

A veteran, I wasn't. I was taught by the best... or at least it's what I thought

His stature was Godly, with priceless respect (if there was a fee I would've bought)

The confidence in his walk, the ownership in the words he spoke

The passion in his tone was unpolluted like certain folks 

His shield was transparent & protecting himself was secondary 

Others came first 'til I realized the truth was just commentary 


...It was February, frigid frost on the windshield of the car

The windchill touched the bones as if it was gripping your arm

(A call comes through), "uh huh" he says a couple words like "You know you my dog"

He hung up... looked at me & said "Homie gotta chill with these broads"

Out the corner of my eye I see someone approaching afar, (I didn't trust in my heart)

Cuz my childhood taught me most people are snakes like Jafar 

He passes, my idol gets out & calls for the person to stop

Breath from the conversation filled the air creating purposeful plot

His aggressiveness made me unsure if I should be nervous or not

A flickering flash from this strangers burner was shot

Immediately... "shot's fired, officer down... I'm in pursuit" 

Racing past my partner lying on the ground as he didn't move

Looking for the suspect through the darkness that consumed...

...Both of us, in the evil night.. I understood I might have to shoot

Through intersections & streets he flees from me ignoring my commands

"I ain't do shit" he ranted out of breath as he continually ran

He made a move down an alley where there was no way to escape 

Him & I with only 10 yards of space (my gun is drawn aimed at his face)

"Get on the fucking ground!" remembering my recent training 

His every inch makes me think he's reaching like I can see him raising

Full of adrenaline, I'm thinkin' of the news & how they'll ruin the genuine

If I have to execute brute force & shoot this gentleman 


Tempers flaring... "Sir, please I don't want to use my weapon" 

My radio is cracking voices through.. khh khh... "Yo, Stu what direction?!")

I'm too focused, tunnel vision on every flinch this guy moves 

"I have the suspect at gun point, he's refusing my cues"

...What if I shoot... replays over & over in my head on repeat

To leave another man my age dead on the street

He tells me he is going to answer his phone & reaches for his hip

I tell him to stop his shirt lifts showing me the clip

...I shoot... 1 shot... right to the left of his chest 

"Shots fired, suspect down" immediately I begin to tremble & sweat

Pronounced dead at the scene, next there was an investigation 

Looking in to every scenario to justify if every step was taken

(Digging deeper), the suspect did not have any firearms when he was killed

My heart sunk... that cold night revisited (I was chilled) 

The victim? My partners friend who he was threatening with his weapon

He shot himself in the leg to have the rookie act as his henchman 

As if that wasn't enough they check on my partner... (as you thought it was deep) 

.....He was the person calling the victim making him reach..... 

The facts revealed he found out his wife was creeping out at night

& lost his mind when he saw his best friend sleeping with his wife 


this was an alright read. I felt the build was good, it spoke to the current climate of civilian vs officer. I however wasnt over the moon for the plot twist nor the a-ha moment. seemed a tad rushed with a bit of training day tossed in. im more of a "colors" guy myself. this type of shit sucks cause it comes down to preferences, and im not really sold on the narrative. I mean, of all things.. some random setup? I mean you couldve done a robbery gone wrong.. a riot over (insert politically driven event here) a jake hoytt random traffic stop with a guy going to off his dealer. it just seemed kinda "fuck it" in a sense. maybe you didnt rush, maybe that was the plan before it ever had its first bar.. it just didnt come together in my opinion. which sucks, as this is the finals and youve come so far, but I just didnt feel like this was the walk off homerun you shouldve done for yourself. I am just one guy tho, maybe everyone else is beyond moved.
----------



Battler 2


Me? ... People said I was the runt of the line
The smallest & the weakest & the youngest of nine
My brothers ... all hunters ... always come up behind
... shouting out my name and make me jump every time
My name's 'Boo!'   ... Mother said that I was "One of a kind"
The sluggardly type with no muscles defined
I find hunting's a bind and I struggle to climb
And even nuts and berries are a bugger to find
Must be a sign ... of higher functioning mind
Cos if humans are evolving, one rung at a time
I'm the blueprint for improvement on the current design!
You've heard of my inventions? Here's another of mine
I call it a 'Boo' ... it shouldn't puzzle you why
Quite effective as a weapon for the hunting of swine
I sculpted out a stave from the trunk of a pine
Bent it at the ends, then strung with a vine
And once it's been primed ... with a custom-made spine
I'll hit a Buffalo's eye from over one-hundred strides!
Allows me to compete with those double my size
So when the "Hunt-Off" came around ... I reluctantly signed
But mostly to impress the only love of my life
She turns me to putty with the lust in her eyes ...
Could be a *Pleistocene Model* ... cos that huntress is fine! 
Round 1 ... My Boo & Arrows 'gainst their clubs and their knives ...
And I landed more kills than all my brothers combined
Now the huntress was mine! ... you know the way that I knew?
How she dragged me by the ankles to her cave for some 'snoo'
of questions about making a Boo
Yes I knew that she was using me, then changing her tune
But assess the situation ... ask "who's taking in who?"
Yes, I told her what she wanted ... but she 'laid with me' too ... (score!)
Round 2 ... Everyone has a Boo
So everyone is even? ... No, that simply is NOT true!
Cos first I affixed a perpendicular stock to ... 
... then a trigger and lock too ... 
Now Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the "Crossboo"
With my counterparts still grunting something suitably primal
I shot a dozen Bison, now I'm through to the final! 
Final Round ... Crossboo versus ... clubs?!
Man, that's actually retarded ... 
Can't believe that they're all back where we started ...
But then, when I was busy tracking a target
They broke my arms and legs and now I'm trapped in a tar-pit
Fuck 'he who laughs hardest' or 'he who has the last laugh'
The moral of this story is "no one likes a smart arse"



welps, this started off fairly good. I was onboard up until after the was swooning with the hoe. I felt you had a really good carefree and lively lead up, the ending was a tad meh. didnt exactly knock me off my feet or leave me slapping my knee like some of that high class self deprecating did. overall, you nailed the humor you just didnt end with that "fuck you everybody…goodnight" send off that I feel this needed. you went more the "go fuck yourself san diego" vibe.. ya know? similiar meanings.. different vibes. im sure you catch my drift. overall, I did chuckle a bit... but I also sighed as well. solid piece.


well… if this isnt a cluster fuck of epic proportions. both dropped the ball in the closing moments. so its not like one guy definitely won, its a battle of who lost the least (imo only of course.. youre both winners to planet earth and dont you ever forget it you shining stars you)..

I guess imma go with battler 1 (if that is your real name).. I felt altho his ending was extra cheesy and cornball.. his substance had some meat to the build. battler 2 had a bit of meat as well.. but his ending wasnt cheesy or cornball it was straight up tofu. decent battle.. kinda fitting for the way IC dwindled down to be fair. congrats and goodluck to whomever won.. not that you need it. Nigma sucks.


vote = Training Day Remix (Battler 1)



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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 June 2017 at 11:47pm
Damn these were both outside the box and written quite well!!

Some may turn their noses to the topics chosen for not being clear enough. But personally I loved the way these submissions made you think about where the topic lies and how it fits into the story.

Battler 1.
You're an amazing story teller! The clarity as to which you're able to portray a story is amazing.
I enjoyed the tale of the 'rookie cop' and although the definition of competition may be open to interpretation here. I get it. And it worked

The use of brackets and smaller font to provide a greater narrative served its purpose well, and in a palatable dose too that it did not become annoying or corny/cheesy.

Imagery was strong, clear portrait of when and where I am in the story, what it's like outside, the mood, what's being worn, seen, heard and how he felt. Not only is there a story/plot but there's a time and a place. One without the other is comparable to black'n'white vs coloured photos

"...It was February, frigid frost on the windshield of the car
The windchill touched the bones as if it was gripping your arm"



Before I get into specific bars, would just like to add that the flow and structure was clean and consistent. The way you were able to transition between rhyme schemes as brilliant as that I almost never saw it coming. Re reading it and reading the last word of every bar the same rhyming word at the end is never repeating for more than 2-3x bravo

There's history in these black & blues, attitudes, status (that I haven't used)
Excellence from those who paved the way with untouchable attributes


"Status that I haven't used - with untouchable attributes"
Holy shit man!



Immediately... "shot's fired, officer down... I'm in pursuit" 
Racing past my partner lying on the ground as he didn't move
Looking for the suspect through the darkness that consumed...
...Both of us, in the evil night.. I understood I might have to shoot


^^These bars brought lots of emotion and adrenalin while reading.

This whole submission is epic, actually. I'm trying to pick and pull but literally the whole thing would be copy pasted

As well I'm trying to find some negatives for arguments sake/devils advocate, but I can't.


BATTLER 2

Okay I see what you did here, something sorta like the hunger games?
I enjoyed the theme of this piece. Parallels can be drawn to progression and regression of civilizations, themes throughout history. The current situations we face now and how civilization can be advanced but still resort back to clubs and sticks haha

Flow was smooth and carried well line to line although being nitpicky a reader may desire more variety and bar density. You fell trap a little bit to recurring rhyme schemes and rhyming singular words
"Line, nine, behind, time"
As well I found the repeating "Boo" was used as a bit of a crutch to jumpstart some rhyme momentum

Albeit you did show skill and talent

"Bent it at the ends, then strung with a vine
And once it's been primed ... with a custom-made spine
I'll hit a Buffalo's eye from over one-hundred strides!
Allows me to compete with those double my size"


This is one of the examples of well done bars you had, throw some more of these and connect your bars like this through out and you'll definitely have refined your art

I enjoyed the comic relief and subtle humour you added in throughout

" I find hunting's a bind and I struggle to climb
And even nuts and berries are a bugger to find"

I cracked up at "are a bugger to find" lol

"Final Round ... Crossboo versus ... clubs?!
Man, that's actually retarded ... 
Can't believe that they're all back where we started ...
But then, when I was busy tracking a target
They broke my arms and legs and now I'm trapped in a tar-pit
Fuck 'he who laughs hardest' or 'he who has the last laugh'
The moral of this story is "no one likes a smart arse""

Lol this too "...clubs?!"
You can almost hear the frustration/sarcasm in the voice hahaha


MVGT

Battler 1.
To me a clear winner, construct, consistency as well as vocabulary and rhyme schemes/transitions/variety were on a higher level than battler 2 (although not discrediting B2's efforts and talents, B1 was a stronger contestant


CONGRATS TO BOTH


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 June 2017 at 9:54am

Battler 1..

Liked how you opened up here,gave this piece a sense of intrigue,i also thought your
story progression was ripe,a rookie soldier in reflection about the highs and lows in
his life,the pride he first had whilst in the forces and the disappointments that then
followed,you did well adding tension to this verse too,which in turn made this a pacey
and desirable read on the whole,as this was the lengthier drop out of the 2 in display,
your contents were solid via the angles and course you took with the approach to the
topic,it also had a poetic vibe due to the rhyme scheme and words used as well,the
details made for some quite vivid imagery too,i could envisage the scene,the chase
and the feeling of being at a cross road where duty was concerned,the rookie who has
to make a choice,the rookie who also happens to have the burden of right and wrong being played out making him question his actions at that moment before pulling the
trigger,great writing there i believe,and the ending was also solid too,this was a piece
that had the lot really,pride/love/duty/betrayal and manipulation,plus all wrapped with
a creative stance entow,a real pleasing and written verse,solid work..


Battler.2..

Firstly I like how you stayed with the same sounding vowels throughout this verse,it
does for me show a depth in the vocabulary pool,not so easy to do really as that pool
can dry up quick if you don't have the range with words,your story had a very creative
vibe etched within,i liked the way you made this a competitive event,and we all know
that competition brings innovation,like the making of a Boo (bow) and crossboo,a nice
creative piece that had a fresh take to a rookie scenario i feel,because not only was innovation present,so to was the concept of brawn v brain,the layering approach to this
verse was solid overall,and although it lacked depiction and depth,it more than made up for it in humour and the thought process that was behind it all,your whole piece had
sprite stamped all over it too,and that ending was totally off the cuff,it was witty as well as true in our species,a real entertaining read which gave me a smile and pleasure
also,and the way you broke it up into heats (stages) was also a solid slant taken here,
I liked it from opening to closing,ripe work here,nicely done..


Overall this is a headache for sure to call a winner,a contrast of details and depiction v
humour and concept,i really really liked both offerings on display here,ive now read these verse umpteen times over a course of a day or 2 before i came to my conclusion,
and please believe me if i could i would call draw here,but Battler 2 for me seemed to
bring something else to the table here,his verse for me came off as more dynamic and
that suited my preference just fine,and for this reason alone he gets my nod,(but my
commiserations to Battler 1,it does pain to call this battle this way,but it's all i could
use to separate you both),ripe and solid outings from both,a very entertaining final
indeed..


Vote...Battler 2..peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 June 2017 at 11:20pm
Battler 1 I really enjoyed the build up here when we finnaly knew it was a rookie cop it all made more sense and you tied it all together nicely the progression of the story was a highlight , you told a great story kept it very descriptive and at the same time still had a good flow to it ,witch made for an easy enjoyable read you added a lot of layers to the character the only downfall for me was the ending didn't sit well with the rest of the story other than that this was a top notch effort

Now battler 2 you came with a very unique creative verse here humourous in spots the flow was good to and I also enjoyed reading this verse ,both of you took completely different approaches , the rookie cop battler 1 took would almost be a go to concept predictable right, and you came with a completely out of the box angle that worked really well but I'm feeling you had the same problem as battler 1 where the end of your verse wasn't what it should of bin compared to the rest of it

Now I've read both verses a few times battler 2 very creative and battler 1 very well written it's hard for me to vote against such great creativity but I'm going to have to give my vote to battler #1
Because your verse had depth you built it up and ran with it even though your rookie choice would of been an obvious pick for some one you did a great job with the concept battler 2 had a great verse one of a kind concept

But for reasons above

MFVGT : Battler #1
dooms so gassed up the audio belt won't fit'em,gave it up without defendin it,like a faggot in prison
Still bitchin like hes but hurt over his own decision,cos a true champ stands,&holds his position
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 June 2017 at 4:15am
<VOTE INSERTED>

Battler 1: Is Stalin/Orion I think. I'm a piece of shit and get them confused a lot. A lot. Tons. Maybe (probably) it's neither. Regardless.... You're really good. Mechanics had a shaky point in my humbles of humble opinions, for the first half of your second verse. It was otherwise as buttery as the bagel Peter Griffin had sex with. I like how you made the intro section as long as you did as it allows the vague use of language that opens doors. Was uneasy coming into the realisation of the plot direction at first but it soon grew on me. Plot development and the twist(s) were executed flawlessly. Polished verse, worth of a tournament finals.

Battler 2: Is obviously Chain. Listen bud, I ordered a pizza an hour and 10 fucking minutes ago and it still isn't here. Your verse though, signature style. Technically crisp throughout. Was weird seeing as many transition but you really went in on the content. You came correct with the mechanics and progressed a believable and well presented chain of events (Cool)  Awe shit, the very last line puts the smallest amount of doubt that it isn't Chain because of that slant rhyme. Anyways, cool, somewhat expected, twist. Not a whole lot of other ways you could have gone with the final round title aside from a Naziesque slaughter at boo point. Quality well executed verse.


Prognosis: Battler 2 did all the right things but Battler 1 also did, but did so in a deeper and more layered manner. Given the quality of Battler 2, it really says something about Battler 1 that this choice was fairly simple for me.

By the way my pizza took an hour and fucking 45 minutes. Sodium levels at alltime high

+1 Battler 1

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 June 2017 at 7:45am
Battler 1 wins!!
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