Identity Crisis 2: IC2 Round Three: Battler 1 vs Battler 8 [8 Wins]

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Battler 1:


"Family Comes In Different Forms"



I'm an Inuit.  The people of this northern frozen land-

Alone we stand, So cold but we're  the only chosen man-

Never had toes in sand, Our Ancestors were known to plan-

Deer hide gloves,  frost bite cannot erode my hands-

artic deer are best deer. them mothafuckas are built like a soviet union bear. this is a solid segment tho.

I know the truth might be that all my hope is damned-

One last use of my Dogs before my Husky ropes are strands-

Our land is different, So I understand the damn's that' given-

I have to expand my vision, New sites to feed my fam with Salmon fishin'-

I understand the wisdom, Who's stronger? The animal or the man who isn't-

Nature is a beast so I really have to plan my visits-

again, solid.. its not really shaking me at my core like holy fuck man.. what a god damn life. its kinda... realistic in a "it is what it is" manner.. but I suppose in a sense youre speaking to an audience who wouldnt understand the struggles.. id like some parallels to draw from. but I enjoy the writing.

I'm ready with  my 7 husky's,  I can't leave em left in shanties-

They know that they can trust me, because I bleed the land free-

The heavens need to let this man be, I really need to feed my family-

feed the fam twice in such a short span feels like limited subject matter. there is a vast community to explore.


SO HERE WE GO , as my huskies  sprint across this ice'y land-

I'm the boss with 7 across so far it's going nicely planned-

As I leave my wife and daughter I went to give a kiss to each-

Their faces so cold they might have thought I missed their cheeks-

So as the Husky's breathe, We mush forward  & insist on speed,

If I don't succeed my family can drink from the wrists I bleed-

suicide barz are the best bars.

On we march...



I knew what was coming I was never acting with awe-

I prayed to the heavens but they acted like they never actually saw-

My dogs kicking up flakes that feel like cracks on my jaw-

My face stings from the kick ups from the back of their paws-

now this is dope. it puts me right in there visually and immerses me as a reader. im on "board" so to speak.

Lookin' out for polar bears in case my ass'l get tragically mauled-

I may be valiantly flawed, as my frame & brain is weak-

well… not sure I vibe with this.


I sense beneath this icee mass that  the pain runs deep-

No range of heat, I just need some salmon or reindeer meat-

Fuck this open frozen mass with no caves to sleep-

I just want my family to eat but all they do is taste defeat-

again.. the subject matter is just becoming recycled at this point. its a one track mind.. but on that hunt..surely other perils or hardships have happened. you ever play oregon trail? youre essentially writing that here…but without the wide array of bullshit that comes with this level of a journey. this feels like youre winging it when the concept is a really good one. youre just riding it out

Shame on me,  this land seems barren thats pretty 'plain' to see-

But in the distance I can see either a lake or creek- 

I preach to my huskies and plead that they break us free-

achingly, we make it and leave the past behind that we care to erase-

Winds become stronger and ice forms to the hair on my face-

this type shit. more of this. sans the lake or creek bit.


I set up my fishing rod,  pray to gods as I stare at the lake-

I'm aware what it takes but for my family I dare to embrace-

I'm scared of the stakes, The fishing line either tears or it breaks-

 I finally got a bite!  I know it's either trout or a salmon-

No more doubts are imagined,  My child & spouse aren't famished-

Until I see a pack of wolves & can't account for the damage-

Their surrounding my mavericks and are sounding so savage-

So loud with this anguish  proud of their ambush I'm down below average...-

not a fan of this segment. feels like rhyming for rhymings sake.


My huskies are strong and they have 2 less wolves in the pack-

So I'm not sure how I could or if I shouldn't react-

dope.

But I got  freshly caught  goods in a sac, Food is intact-

But I'll risk my life for my families consider me a fool for a fact-

started well, ended poorly.

or a tool for my acts- but I need to play it cool as I gasp-

I'd make my ancestors proud as I'm choosin' my path-

My future is black, as I witness these ruthless intruders attack-

dope.

They destroy my huskies as I witness them rip at their meat-

Crying for help as the wolves attention has shifted at me-

I see their fangs glisten with the  spit that drips from their teeth-

Their howls turn to growls,  its their insistence they eat-

My existence is bleak,  but my instincts isn't to leave-

man. more of this style in the start and this piece woulda been wild as fuck. no pun intended.


Those dogs are my family too and in an instant I bleed-

To my family, I hope I become a mystic vision you need-

As the sun sets and my blood becomes one with the ice-

My soul is humbled even tho I was pummeled with strife-

I fought for ALL my family & proud with what I've done with my life-



kinda rushed the end a tad. but the conflict with the wolves was great man. the build needed some genuine work…but once you found your zone you executed well (no pun again).. I dug the concept as a whole. I wouldve liked some stronger references to life outside of me hunt. me find food. me live for this. me here. me hunt more. me gather. me find. idda loved some craftsmanship tales, or how they preceive purpose or what theyre working toward. humanize the man so when he dies..it feels more impactful because the imagery there was excellent. but you did you and thats all that matters.


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Battler 8:



This is my doom. A permafrost coffin in Taiga

Delivering my soul to the Arctic as the Messiah

Overshot the given growing season that's provided

Paralyzed as I experience ice crystals in my saliva

solid open.


Amazed by the beauty of this coniferous forest

Natural evil so peaceful with vociferous carnage

Softly uttering goodbyes to my children & darling

As quivering lips sing sorrows on my heart strings

looks like you both are playing the same angle. thisll be interesting.

Traveling for science, a triumph in discovery 

More remote that an island searching for Mayans 

than? typos happen.

Found irony in how my luck as succumb to be

As I lie tucked shivering from the blistering breeze

Fantasizing over the innocent, withering trees

A paradox so naive to think they were different from me

this is cool and subtle. I think luck as was meant as luck has**, but typos happen.

Thoughts waved through my mind as a vivid rough sea 

Ice lingering on leaves with glistening shine

In & out of consciousness I awake with a sickening cry

Excruciating anguish jolts electricity in my nerves

Lightening to my extremities with authenticity of a surge

Oxygen fills my chest & immobilizes my lungs 

Screeches fall silent as I try vocalizing from tongue

I like this.. because its all build. leaves me wondering where im headed. its got that...wtf is happening vibe.


An arctic wolf stares through my eyes unmatched 

Smelling the fear thickens seeping as my musk that's

Overwhelming, delectable for her pup pack

Blood from a Snowshoe Hare dribbles from her fur

Her glare never strays as dollops trickle to the dirt

Frozen in fear with satire looming as a neighbor

lulz


Nudging me with her snout. Should she pursue me? Is it safe or

Should the pups keep distant... I remain frigid 

The tension between the beast & I became fiction 

Her young yapping with full stomachs stay hidden

A flick of her snowy ear showed the same listen

Twigs crack & snap, we both acknowledge the bear

His mighty roar echoed & all for miles were aware 

Growling & sneering the wolf defends her newborns

Huge bear paws slam to the ground with brute force

Mortified as I am the eye of these two storms 

this would be quite the scene.

Inching away the wild pups cry for their mother 

The bear is toying with the wolf to make her suffer

Squeals & pleas shriek as she's shredded 

Fumbling I discover as knife kept in my med-kit 

Distracted the bear doesn't recognize my presence

Viciously stabbing & penetrating its vulnerable brain

Breaking free the wolf limps away in honorable pain

Taking a few stumbles, it clear the bear is hopeless

Before she leaves, as parents its like we shared a moment

this is raw.

Using my blade I slice incisions to use the skin for warmth

The savagery of survival has me completely transformed

My confidence is beaming being alive I won't stray from

As I lay inside the heat it may provide I watch the sunrise

& think to myself.. this was one hell of a day one 

yeah..I can definitely see that. overall this was a real nail biter… felt like a journal entry more than a telling of a story to me, perhaps that was the angle..or couldve been. I liked it.. felt the end was a tad rushed. I am left wondering what happened to the cubs.. did he take them? feed them bear? eat them? feed them and then eat them? such a gap there that couldve been filled in and added such a savage nature and/or humanity one. tied it in nicely. overall was good tho.


this is a close fucking battle… if you take 8's build.. add it to 1's fight for survival.. you probably come out with the verse of the whole tournament. while I felt more urgency in 1's fight… I felt more involved in 8's verse. I felt 1 was a bit too.. patronizing? and maybe 8 kinda felt a bit… unfinished? again, cant stress enough how a mix and match would make one fucking unreal verse.

this is a contest tho, and I think that 1 took too long to really find his zone.. and even tho the payoff was totally worth it.. I felt it dragged too much to get there. knocked off some cool points.

8 had the build.. and even tho his fight for survival wasnt as well done.. as a whole, his piece felt cohesive and united.

close battle, but I got 8.

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holy shit....these verses shared lots similarities! 

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Battler 1..

I must say the title alone deserves merit,it gave me a sense of something profound
was on the horizon,so you topical was about a team in essence that depend on each
other for survival in the frozen wastes,in which you caught that vibe really well here i
thought,in the opening segment you caught the imagination well via details of the
need for this trip,the kissing of cold cheeks/the family's dependence on the hunt,was
all there for the story progression to be dynamic and strong,you go on highlighting
the trials and possible pitfalls that awaits,again depiction was good,the kicking up of
snow via paws,and the facial hair freezing over by the wind,all made for some solid
and vivid images on reading,your closing segment was no different in the way of depiction,but there was an added layer of pace as it read with some gusto which seemed to add to the events unfolding to the team via the encounter with wolf's,the
dripping saliva of teeth/blood being shed on the ice,and then the outcome,this has
been an engaging read from the off,which i have enjoyed,a well thought out story on the whole,the only thing i would've liked to of read/seen is more syllable multi's,(but
that's just me being greedy really) a real solid read..


Battler 8..

The first thing that struck me whilst reading was the wording,and placing of words
here,like battler 1 you to make good use of imagery within this verse,you also had a poetic vibe/edge to this piece also which bolsters the story's progression,in many
ways these tales are very similar,teeth/fur/family and so on,in parts i did get the impression you was a camera man filming a wild life programme as such,a mother
defending her young against over powering odds,and I really liked the metaphor of being the eye of the clashing storms,that was a ripe inclusion for me,it conjures up
a face off of strength and wills,through the eyes of the observer,that piece of wording
alone added a powerful image as i read,also the sharing of moments,as the mother
limps away to her brood was solid,as she was truly honorable with her injury's,then
the exhilaration of the outcome,as the bears death by your hands was in return a tool to help survive a cold environment gave the impression that even death isn't a waste in
the Artic climate,you also had a nice pair of syllable multi's at the start of this piece too,coniferous/vociferous,this has been a solid read like battler 1 from start to end,
which ive enjoyed throughout on reading..


Overall a really entertaining tussle here,both battlers did incredible with their offerings,
both had similar contents to a point too,this is the closest battle I've read in this round
because of these elements,in fact it's hard to call a winner,even after reading both drops 3 TIMES EACH,but then it's obvious that going to happen as the field dwindled
down,so for me I'm going to go with Battler 8,i just liked the contents that bit better
with the poetic vibe too,and as lame as that is,it's all i could use to separate you both,
battler 1,it does pain me to vote against you in this way,and to be honest if I could i
would call draw,anyways guys thanks for the read..

Vote...Battler 8...peace.

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Battler 1