Identity Crisis 2: IC2 Round Two: Battler 5 vs Battler 12 [5 Wins] |
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Topic: IC2 Round Two: Battler 5 vs Battler 12 [5 Wins] Posted: 10 April 2017 at 7:09pm |
Identity Crisis: Round 2 - 20-60 Lines - Best of 7 - Battlers will be anonymous- Votes will be hidden - Wednesday April 19th, Midnight UK time TOPIC In the link below is your topic/round theme. |
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 20 April 2017 at 1:26pm |
Battler 5
Slowly ... I approached the stone sarcophagus with caution, it was old, gnostic, long since forgotten like the scrolls of Tutankhamen I grew nauseous, the stench from his carcass made me sick I started coughin, it was rotten almost toxic couldn't hold it ... had to vomit! Broken bones in rows of carnage lined the bottom of his coffin; as cryptic hieroglyphics started shifting on it's surface some were Coptic, some were Persian, some were ancient ... forms of cursive, all were curses, that's for certain, I was lernəd in the verses of the esoteric churches, so some text I could interpret as I read it with a purpose sweat was dripping from my turban .... "His emergence was imperfect, slimy Serpent, who was worshipped in the darkness where he dwelled, bringing murder to the Cherub ... as he lured them down to Hell! Who disturbes him? State your purpose or be burdened by his spell! Forever churning in the furnace where the vermin burn and wail!" "It is I, a humble scribe, a man of "science" and of lies, a dark magician on a mission come to rid you of your binds! Traveled far & traveled wide across the seas and great divide, I climbed the mountains to their heights just to reach your ancient shrine! It took me ages to unwind the pagan language that did hide your location in its twine, but with patience ... I did find this latent station just in time to testify before the alter of ... 'The Dayless Ageless Night' to give you life; a sacrifice, in exchange you pay a price, you give me sight and make me wise like the Fate the takes the Eye! The 3 combined! If you oblige I'll break the chains upon your mind and set you free in open skies to rain a plague ... upon my kind! So yay or nay? I will obey! Just make a statement Or a sign!" The sarcophagus slid open and the torches reignited ... Then a voice inside my head bellowed orders like a giant "POUR YOUR BLOOD UPON MY CORPSE RESTORE THE AMULET TO MY CHEST THEN RECITE THE MAGIC WORDS THAT OSIRIS SAID TO SET!!!" I obeyed without a qualm; took my blade and cut my palm smeared the blood upon his skull until his face was like a pond broke the chain that donned the charm then I placed it ...... under arms that were stretched acrossed his chest as if a mummy was embalmed! ... As I sung the solum song That King Solomon forbid called the 'Necromancer's Kiss' and the second that I did I saw Death release its grip ... when his eyes slightly flickered and his hands began to twitch! As the stench dissipated he awoke inside the crypt! Tattered robes were all restitched and his skin grew anew like a cobra in the pit! Had a humanoid face ..... if you mixed with an imp's and a snake's forked tongue with 2 eyes that looked like slits; stood about 6'6 & 160lbs razor blade fingernails, gray complexion like a cloud all his hair draped down like a blanket or a shroud as he levitated towards me at a pace that was profound! "The Dweller has awoken from a slumber that was deep! You have freed me from the dream & released from my sleep! And for this evil deed I will give you what you seek! The wisdom of Tuhuti, Beelzebub, and Loki!" Two dozen centuries down .. 40 bodies in the dumps I became a president by the name of Donald Trump! Some people think I'm dumb like a novice or beginner but they said the same thing when I started off as Hitler! Vlad was a favorite, and Ivan was a kill'a, but the life I most liked was a tyrant named Attila!!! ((I'm ill'a)) Edited by The Law - 20 April 2017 at 6:41pm |
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 20 April 2017 at 1:27pm |
Battler 12 I see the monsters face through an immaculate lens The fame that this will foster breaks a pacifists trends I made it. I have got here. One more task and it ends Instantaneously ponder recent passing events ... Lifes unequal. No curse could cure it of that It’s this lack of balance where the purities at You certainly have to discern truth and fact But you’ll learn that since birth, your virtues are stacked And I grew up in an age and era hazardous as ghastly glows Assassin trained, my tutelage surpassed what my attackers know A bounty hunter, proudly love it, found one that attracts my hope Pounded on a bulletin outside a kitchen past my home Reward: Profound in riches, I have an itch and have to go Slay the savage witch who lays within the sacrificial catacombs My mission, It was grandiose. First step, the maps unfolded. Pencil prints my path to go Passing slopes in lands that savage folk are known to have control But with a passive, planned approach, I can transverse past patrol First, get to packing clothes and nit-nacks till knapsacks are full Tie up any tasks at home, and finally, at last I go Reached the entrance to my destination safe, with little incident Same would not be said if I had made this trek in winter winds The dangers... They are kept within the maze that I am glimpsing in Courageous traits and bravery were tamed. A poster pinned, It said: Try surviving the trials that turn boys to men Or be destroyed and sent into a void dimension Step within the moister section, a poignant wetness Inside the inner cloister where the soils densest A gate behind me closes, time for choices have ended Walk down the spiral staircase, it’s avoiding ascension There’s a moist aroma, curved walls complete with jaws and teeth Skeletal remains and it reminds me what a loss could mean One with nature, kicking off my sandals, feel the moss beneath Hear a noise, see nothing but the vapored mist that cross my knees Feel the weight of someone's gaze, proceed to make my laps, and quick My vision sees a thousand hallways make a maze; a labyrinth It’s like a concrete coffin, got me walking in circles And it haunts as its curving like it’s Dante’s Inferno After walking for so long and seeing nothing new while passing by I spot a subtle change, finally something strange to catch my eye A hazy, shaded hallway, like the others but it’s gap was wide Inside is candlelight and the damsel that I have to find I'm rattled by the fact she appears to live here harmlessly I whisper from the shadows "Ma'am, don't move, I'll slice an artery, Answer what I ask and I'll pass these parts and start to leave. Why are you here?" She said, "Fear of people bringing harm to me" Is that honesty or witch's lies? Is her armoury through speaking? I slit her throat, she fades into mist that drifts beneath me Then it lifts in sequence like a vision; grim and creepy And begins completing an image of a Djinn, a genie My first impression is she’s not the type to give out wishes either This fictitious creatures speaking, life or death, decisions keeper Told me listen as she’s talking, she’s the product of truth “You got a contract, off this monster for a coffer of loot The lessons demonstrated, it’s an ominous truth That’s death put on a price, so the monster is you!” The room changes to a hall of mirrors which starts spinning, then crashes I'm sent flying due to gravity that's shifted my axis Land with eyes closed, feeling glass bits where my hands hit When they open, in a mirror shard I glimpse into panic |
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Amgin
Groupie Joined: 31 January 2017 Status: Offline Points: 140 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-3-0 Form: LLL |
Posted: 21 April 2017 at 1:52am |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Battler 5 So cool! Lol Rhyme scheme was on point and very well done, it flowed beautifully line to line. I loved the different ways you were able to tell the story, you broke the narrative up so coherently that it never skipped a beat, it was actually a movie playing in my head. The 3rd stanza was amazing, hats off to you, that was the sickest verse it flowed so well, the rhyme mechanics literally danced. My only critique is that I wish you made the lines describing him work a bit better, it was a little choppy and hard to read. And cherry on top was the twist at the end, such an imagination, a real grasp for story telling. I won't lie I kinda rolled my eyes when you first mentioned trump like "ha,ha.." but the story you developed in those few lines at the end with Hitler, Atilla , really encapsulated the whole story and really drove a great submission home Battler 12 I'm not sure, I wasn't really getting a monster vibe from this, nor was I getting much of an exciting read. It did have a decent rhyme scheme which progressed the story, but it just felt long to me. MVGT battler 5 Well put together, entertaining, epic flow. I apologize 12, but I couldn't get into your verse after reading number 5, |
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spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3162 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
Posted: 21 April 2017 at 11:22pm |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Battler 5 Fuckin hell! I don't know what the fuck I was reading here. I was falling in andout of a trance like State whilst reading, some of the flow was incredible I felt like I was tumbling thru the piece in a downward spiral I never fully understood What is impossible to ignore though is the next level way you display your rhyming ability... That first set, Wow! Looking from Tutankhamen all the way through to the sweat dripping turban, when you find the scheme and pace and factor in the visual aspect invoked, shit was pretty amazing. So next set down into the burn and wail vermin part... So I'm seeing the snake, and the naked assed infant looking, arrow firing little freak and am thinking cool RHYMING. But what are the rat's doing in the fire? So I decipher the rhyme scheme, I decipher the metaphors...Ok Now I'm thinking let's find the storyline! What will this become? Have the foundations been layed too deep? Onwards then.. So going on and this work looks sprawling, let's see where it goes! I traveled this journey with you man, some of the rhyming and pace change execution was FUCKING fire..... But shit this has got to End quick! Cos All I got on closing was 40 dead bodies in how many fuckin centuries? Twelve that's how many! That ain't no monster! You dressed a turd for a fancy dinner here my homie.. Gotta Respect the rhyming though .......... Battler 12 ,............... I gotta jump on this verse and call a WTF ???Emergency, fuck sake I was sober five minutes ago! So I really found it hard to enjoy this sprawling number I can't deny some of the RHYMING was nice but a lot of it felt convenient and borderline cringe worthy. I never felt drawn to work this like i did with your opponents drop I mean no disrespect but this felt like it was built around forces multis with the whole thing just looking like random non inspired made up on the spot shit zero storyline or theme, the outcome was random ........................................ Verdict So I didn't hate these verses I just think whoever progress from this bout should think themselves lucky I see both guys got skills but this level writing can't go further than the next round Someone needs to shape up Weighing this up I feel battler 5 is the one who has the best chance to push further I hope this feedback will help Vote 5 on style preference mainly |
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-Que-
Standard Member Joined: 22 April 2010 Status: Offline Points: 2745 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 13-4-1 Form: WWWWLW |
Posted: 22 April 2017 at 7:26pm |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. B5 : Ha!! Superb writing scheme. At first confusing but soon as I caught on I started over and damm the pace of the reading rythem went smooth. Really loved how you displayed vocab/ rhymes. You used simplistic ryhme patterns and nice wording and it just freed up so much space giving the reader sharp imagery. The concept of being a satanic minion in exchange for power was awesome. Especially that gift at the end of being all those world leaders. Nice B12 : Really dug your concept of being mind fucked. Loved the sequences where you take the risk to figure out if the witch or apparition is real or not. The awakening and the touch of mirror thing was cool. Overall.... I liked B5 a bit more.Both artists came with nice ideas but B5 was slightly more polished and kept me engaged a bit more. Props to both tho.... Mvgt B5 |
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
Posted: 24 April 2017 at 1:03pm |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Wow!! Battle of the fuckin tournament so far yo!! 5, damn scheme was off the gawdammnnn chain! Now it's one thing to have high level rhyme scheme. BUT Its another to executed with practically perfect dictions. The most impressive thing here was the near flawless wording! So the story tells of symbiotic concept of evil. Themes related to the Mummy lore was hinted. Reference to Egyptian gods and goddesses all played a crucial component to the verse. The piece was carefully constructed with allusions and The aforementioned references to myth. Overall this was just a very fun read with little to no technical issues! 12, just when I thought 5 had it in the bag....HOLY SHIT!! This was sooo well written. There were no trite phrase, no cliche imagery, no tired rhymes, it was straight up fire. So this verse examines the old aphorism "sometimes to catch the monster we tend to become one" or the "stare into the abyss long enough and it stares back at u". What this piece was able to do was convey a narrative not only by sight but sense of smell, sound and even the psychological dimension. Extremely dope. Vote/ jeezus this was a tough tough one. Hardest one of the tournament. I felt imagery wise. 12 took it. Rhyme scheme was about even with a slight nod to 5 (although 12 had some nice effect where he'd end a multies at the beginning of the next line which often eludes reader but o totally love it cuz it sharpened up ones inherent rhythm and flow). Wording was dead even. Ultimately it came down to enjoyment and with that said, I cast my vote for 5. It took me places like a literal adventure in the confine of my laptop lol. Combined that was the intricate scheme I had to give it the win. But this was. 10 ⭐️ battle y'all! Both deserved the win TBH |
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 26 April 2017 at 2:15pm |
5 wins
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