Open Mic: Illiads - Introduction to "The Dragon" |
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daydizzle89 
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Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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 Topic: Illiads - Introduction to "The Dragon"Posted: 04 January 2017 at 5:26pm |
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 I'm "The Dragon", The captain of assassins The man with passion blasting hand cannons Semi-Automatic clasps with fashion Masking im a bastard witha red Brioni Vanquish Low-Key i brandish a testimony solver A classic slow squeezed revolver People that know me approach D with Honor If your on my list, no need for a doctor Im a controlled beast with slaughter stalker waiting fo weeks in squalor kill ya mother, pops and yo daughter The Don of ILLiad is where i get my orders Killing a man for the father is what i offer Im the mauler in the roster A straight brawler with a heart of a lion Cross the Don nd im coming for yuh with tridents the heart stopper clogging your arteries with violence My repertoire of artistry is people dying We kill with no regards like a evil virus Defy us and wind up eyeless Like a defeated pirate on a depleted island We have clients that stay complaint and its Gucci They pay on time with diamonds exclusively If your late, you're guided to be introduced to me The crew chief of giants who use the heat Tyrants who induce sleep like Sun Tzu infused with Bruce Lee more brutal nd beast than Yamaguchi-gumi brutally remove your skull to prove our power Our father gives us orders to devour We shower in the blood of cowards We don't ever counter, we strike first like Jaguars Dishonor Illiads and wind up shitting ya trousers Edited by daydizzle89 - 04 January 2017 at 5:34pm |
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Crimson Juice
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Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Posted: 04 January 2017 at 6:07pm |
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Yep I like it,it came off like an advert for a pro assassin's Inc,like a description of a job
that would be done with tenacity and professionalism,the similes/metaphors coupled with character references was nicely done here,and for me just read so easy,indicating a solid flow,the contents/vocab was ripe also,and the concept was well delivered and fresh,it captured and held on to me from start to end as I read it, you even did well with the main character,came across as ruthless and devoid of emotion or regret,a man who's heart is colder than a Frost Gaints in Asgard..lol.this was down to the imagery this piece displayed,even the insert of a smoking gun contributed to the theme well,this was a nice ripe read that I enjoyed,good work solid stuff..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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spume corrupt
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Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3163 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
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Posted: 04 January 2017 at 8:01pm |
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CThis is the shit that got you my vote in that end of year poll that you deservedly won
I got as far as "doctor" and took a deep breath.......and said to myself Fucking ridiculous elevation Bruv I'm not taking anything away from the fact you always had mad potential from the start with them props either It's just now you have learned to streamline Looking forward to reading more later If I get that battle royal shit done before midnight, I'll come back later tonight |
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Cuba
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Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12329  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 04 January 2017 at 9:26pm |
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This was really cool man...when I conceived of it, I was figured more episodic stories. Almost like "tales of a criminal syndicate". But this had real poise, like, I'm going to do a character piece and fully introduce the character. That was pretty dope in and of itself, because that's actually what happens in TV series (thinking of something like Daredevil, for example)...you have a mini-story but really it's about character development. Once you've done all that you can then have the characters clash.
So on that note, I thought this was really dope. You understood what you were trying to achieve in this one drop and you made it so it was in and of itself a really nice verse...but it also makes me interested to hear more about what kind of escapades this guy might get up to later. I can imagine a stage where we've introduced a few different characters and then they all start crossing paths / collabos / all kinds of ways you could take it. Good looking man. Real nice way to set it off.
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iLL ScriptureZ
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Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Posted: 05 January 2017 at 2:58pm |
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To what Cuba said, I am interested to see where this character goes and how he develops. As a drop in itself, the elevation that you have reached since I've known you has been seemingly bar-none. You continue to try to and perfect your craft as your own. That's really admirable. You're cleaning up flow and delivery a little bit but still keeping you in the lines.
As far as the Illiads concept, I'd like for your to develop your character into a story form. This is perfect for me as I need to work on that part of my writing. I'm not sure if you saw my drop for Illiad, but I included you in it briefly as seeing potential in my hitman abilities. I created a back story with certain character traits that, hopefully are interesting enough to see a nice progression. I say that to say, I want you to create and develop this character throughout the volumes. I'm interested to see what you come up with. Ps I hope you don't mind my reference.
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SELF ACTIVATE
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Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Posted: 05 January 2017 at 3:35pm |
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Fuck! This is deadly. Just rapid fire flow and intense imagery rushing at me like a busted faucet! I can barely keep up with the sheer speed of your lyrics. Your scheme is insane. There are few amongst us who can match you in that department. In terms of entertainment this shit IS ENTERTAINING! As fuck I might add.
Bruh, "virus", "eyeless", "pirate", "island" ... damn! Dope shit! Straight up liquid from beginning to end. I can't front on any of it. What I dig most about your approach to topicals is the authenticity of your style. I can't really say you remind me of any one other than yourself.
Dope! Although, the closing line was a little lackluster given the overall feel and build up of the entire read. I just wish it would have ended with more of a bang! However, this is definitely how you tell a story. Your verse was quick, easy to read, and entertaining from top to bottom. I dug it, Dizz. You got busy with the pen on this one, bro! Straight Heat Peace... |
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I'm "The Dragon", The captain of assassins