Open Mic: Infinite -- [KOTM] |
Post Reply |
Author | ||||||
SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Posted: 17 November 2016 at 10:56pm |
|||||
................INFINITE............... "Choices, choices, which path shall I take?" As I embark on a life that surpasses the grave! From the coffin I raised my soul from dark like a spark in a cave To return once again with new karma to make as I reincarnate Thru the process of fate & I'm given 2 choices to choose & obey ... To play by the rules like the Buddhist and Saints ... ... Or to blaze my own path with the bluest of flames ... "In Lucifer's name I'll ruin terrains and burn them to ash In a nuclear rage 'til the future is plagued like Anubis uncaged When he came outta Hell in Methuselah's day!" Her music was strange ... the hissing of snakes Could be heard at the gate where Medusa did wait For new humans to take on a sinister date But before I engaged the Mistress of Hate I swam in the lakes near memory banks As the images rained from brainstorming the past I remembered the pain of a miserable land Then thought to myself as a spiritual man I could choose to do good ... it's all in my hands To manifest change like a shaman in trance Thus the road that I chose was an omen of light To shine bright on the globe on the coldest of nights Anointed by Christ as Osiris untied the bondage Of death that had shackled my mind in a castle of lies That once darkened my skies, but now I'm divine In the cycle again as I step thru the portal Where motals transcend; reborn as a shrub In the Forest of Men where Hi(s)story ends And new stories begin... . . . . Again ∞ |
||||||
Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
Boom!!
I'll be back, u talented muhfucka! |
||||||
|
||||||
Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
dope as usual, my dude.
aite, so i read this like 4-5 times and i started seeing the theme about the third read in. So this verse was, to plainly put it, an examination on cause and effect. In spiritual term, Karma. It shared the core theme with another verse in the challenge written by Lord P, how history is ultimately in one's hand. The allusion to mythological figure really work in this content because of the whole reincarnation thing. Christ, Osiris, two entity from different religion but are basically the same being and both served as a vessel to a glimpse of the next life (likely put in a metaphorical manner, in this particular piece). Like any karmic teaching, the reward isnt' here and now but the hereafter. Heaven, karma...all embodies similar principles despite a deviation in journey. Way to creatively use the topic. the "at a cross road" idiom was embellished nicely in this verse to give a strong looming thematic presence throughout. Flow was insane. Its one thing to kick multies but to NOT force it, and making it coherent is whole 'nother animal. THe only other people that i've seen pull it off to that level is chain, nigma and End. p.s. fuck u and ur skills!
|
||||||
|
||||||
SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
Lol...
Yeah, bro. Not only is your feedback always a pleasure to read, but your analysis is always on point. However, to expound on the topic a bit let me just interject that this piece is also about reincarnation from a literal point of view. The idea here is that the character had risen from death to find himself once again being recycled through the process of fate. However, before he enters the material world again to be reborn, he has the option to choose his own life's path (predestination). In the astral plane this decision is viewed in the same manner you would choose what sort of movie you would like to see on Netflix. However, although it might seem inconsequential to the vastness which is the cosmos... on a more enlightened level however, the character was able to remember the experience and lessons learned from previous lives and the impact his actions had on other things he once coexisted with. Thus, instead of choosing the path of the wicked (for entertainment) and perpetuating the cycle of the damned he elected to walk the path of the righteous and enlightened -- to build rather than to destroy. As for Jesus and Osris you are correct in your assessment. However, to expound once more they were both also used as symbols of resurrection. Osris is also the God of the underworld which is why I alluded to him allowing the release from his realm and aiding in rebirth. |
||||||
Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
Damn this KOTM is brutal this month,love the way ppl are drawing crazy matter from this picture,and this one here is also inspiring..
"Choices, choices, which path shall I take?" As I embark on a life that surpasses the grave! From the coffin I raised my soul from dark like a spark in a cave To return once again with new karma to make as I reincarnate Thru the process of fate & I'm given 2 choices to choose & obey ... To play by the rules like the Buddhist and Saints ... ... Or to blaze my own path with the bluest of flames ... (what the hell did you smoke before writing this piece man,loved the metaphorical opening here,for me it conjured images of free will at the moment of birth,nothing to something, kind of how the universe began,it had an almost Hindu point of view in an expressive way I felt,and like in life,we humans are always presented with on the norm 2 choices to make to get to an outcome,some deep shit here brother man, you've definitely got my full attention here) "In Lucifer's name I'll ruin terrains and burn them to ash In a nuclear rage 'til the future is plagued like Anubis uncaged When he came outta Hell in Methuselah's day!" Her music was strange ... the hissing of snakes Could be heard at the gate where Medusa did wait For new humans to take on a sinister date (nice inclusion of Mythology here with a modern concept entow,date/nuclear,this is a well crafted and depicted segment,created a real clear picture in my head on reading,I almost could see Medsua giggling as she waits for her next victim,for me it had a sodem and Gormora feel about it,damn I thought I was back at school there for a moment doing Religious Education again,what a ride your taking us on friend, this is turning out to be on some next level shit,i'm hooked at this point) But before I engaged the Mistress of Hate I swam in the lakes near memory banks As the images rained from brainstorming the past I remembered the pain of a miserable land Then thought to myself as a spiritual man I could choose to do good ... it's all in my hands To manifest change like a shaman in trance Thus the road that I chose was an omen of light To shine bright on the globe on the coldest of nights Anointed by Christ as Osiris untied the bondage Of death that had shackled my mind in a castle of lies That once darkened my skies, but now I'm divine In the cycle again as I step thru the portal Where motals transcend; reborn as a shrub In the Forest of Men where Hi(s)story ends And new stories begin... . . . . Again ∞ (fuck bro all that's missing here is the ferry man himself Charon,i liked the plays you had in this segment,and the similie at the end was ripe,your creativity makes me feel lifted and envious are like companions,but in a good way may I add,this was for me a tremendous and riveting read,so much so that I kept thinking wow although the read, I was truly in awe here at your technical ability as a writer,this is going to take some off the wall shit to top) A truly solid piece that lefted me solidly gone,there isn't a damn thing I can fault here, it was pure class from start to finish,I'm not going to waffle on here,as I have a rep, and I don't want to be labeled a groupie..lol..all that's left for me to do is nod my head and clap slowly.. Ripe work..peace. |
||||||
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
||||||
spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3162 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
You Self bridge the gap between obscurity and clarity
For me this was 100% legit and completely tangible whilst also carrying that thought provoking depth I was sold on this piece Well done |
||||||
|
||||||
alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
I actually wanted to do a thorough breakdown, but Crim beat me to it.
I loved the overall subtleness of your theme in relation to rebirth, karma, religious notions and especially the ancient Egypt references. You actually incorporated most of the 'topics' I'd cherish to see in a verse, which made this a thoroughly amazing read. I also appreciate the execution of your concept in a journey-like approach, representative for the broader theme of the aforementioned reincarnation and (as you already elaborately explained) also resurrection. This was a refreshing and beautiful depiction of a rather subjective 'infinity', to put it loosely. The 'in Lucifer's name' segment was one of my favourites. Scheme-wise, it was also very enjoyable with a great consistency and interesting multis, per usual. Thanks for sharing.
|
||||||
SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
@Crim: You already know, fam. Good looking out on the great feed.
@LP:Glad you liked it man. You dropped some heat yourself. Props! @AW: Your feed is always exceptional. Thanks for gracing this drop with your thoughts. |
||||||
iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
"Thru the process of fate & I'm given 2 choices to choose & obey
... To play by the rules like the Buddhist and Saints ... ... Or to blaze my own path with the bluest of flames ... "In Lucifer's name I'll ruin terrains and burn them to ash In a nuclear rage 'til the future is plagued like Anubis uncaged When he came outta Hell in Methuselah's day!" Her music was strange ... the hissing of snakes Could be heard at the gate where Medusa did wait For new humans to take on a sinister date But before I engaged the Mistress of Hate I swam in the lakes near memory banks" That shit was fire! The whole concept was pretty neat. Executed really well. The imagery was really profound here. I liked all the references and how they were touched individually but as individual thoughts contributed to the overall piece. It was like those references relied on one another and were needed. Nice work!
|
||||||
rhetorical
Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
This vote has been accepted by a moderator.
|
||||||
SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
I loved the breakdown, bro. You've always had the ability to peer into the mind of the writer and articulate the method that he or she used to create whatever piece. Everything you said was on point. Especially about the opener. I can't even write a verse if the first two lines don't immediately have an impact on me. That's why they are the most difficult to think up. But, once you do everything else starts to fall in place. Again, thanks for the read and feed.
|
||||||
Exoduzt
Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
SELF my dude. This made me inspired to drop for this. Something I noticed in your drops that I'm a huge fan of and I want to start doing more my self is The actual quotes from the characters in your story. The way you make em actually speak and not just tell a story or thoughts in their heads. I find that very difficult to do to be honest but you seem to excel at it.
" As I embark on a life that surpasses the grave! From the coffin I raised my soul from dark like a spark in a cave To return once again with new karma to make as I reincarnate Thru the process of fate & I'm given 2 choices to choose & obey ... To play by the rules like the Buddhist and Saints ... ... Or to blaze my own path with the bluest of flames ..."---this for example. Your rhyme scheme seems complex yet still easy on the eyes. You killed the flow on this I mean its superb. The last too lines was just crazy descriptive. The concept you took to this really captures the picture. At first I thought it was gonna be bland good vs evil but the way you word things and paint a picture is pretty fucking amazing. ""In Lucifer's name I'll ruin terrains and burn them to ash In a nuclear rage 'til the future is plagued like Anubis uncaged When he came outta Hell in Methuselah's day!" Her music was strange ... the hissing of snakes Could be heard at the gate where Medusa did wait For new humans to take on a sinister date"---Okay this is what I was talking about with the quotes. Also The way you intertwined the 2 schemes together prolonged the flow but you nailed it in the end and just carried it over. " But before I engaged the Mistress of Hate I swam in the lakes near memory banksAs the images rained from brainstorming the past I remembered the pain of a miserable land Then thought to myself as a spiritual man I could choose to do good ... it's all in my hands To manifest change like a shaman in trance"---I love the story in this. The power one could actually control. I honestly dont know what my decision would be lol. The topic seems generic but the way executed the wording and brought the reader in made this one of my favorite drops from you. " In the last section flow wise I thought you could have worded the shrub line a bit better to make the flow keep going. But the imagery with the shrub and forest of men. dude you really went in on this one. Great fucking work SELF |
||||||
|
||||||
SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
Hahaha...
You know you're one of my favorite writers, 'Duzt. So getting a thorough breakdown from you is always a treate. Especially when the feedback is positive. It's crazy how well this verse turned out, because it only took me about 45 minutes to write. Usually my verses take hours and hours lol. So I'm glad you enjoyed it, bro. You should jump in on this challenge tho. I could see you killin' this topic. Seriously. I can already picture it in my mind lol. Thanks for the read, feed, and the props! |
||||||
Post Reply | |
Tweet
|
Forum Jump | Forum Permissions You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |
|