Open Mic: Is There Hope? |
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Shankley
Superior Member Joined: 03 September 2013 Location: Leeds, England Status: Offline Points: 3369 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 37-43-1 Form: WNLWWL |
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Posted: 23 May 2016 at 3:22pm |
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Never see the problems that we all are faced with Never see a man and recognise it's a different skin There maybe a problem in the world but that isn't him You maybe able to list where the difference is But on a biological level there's no differences The racists in the media are always the working classes But is it not them that are working past this It is not them that demonise a man of a different colour Is it not them that are working with a man of different colour Is it not them that go to the pub with a man of a different colour Is it not them that see him not the man of a different colour Medieval Islam was the centre of mathematics But we'd rather highlight a few fanatical extremist antics We'd not celebrate Islam and what it gave to us But vilify it for the few and what they take from us If a man of colour crashes a plane it's his race or religion If a white man does its because he's in a deep depression There are lessons we should be learning from our history Why we have the urge to kill each other is the real mystery Why can't we find some common ground Before we kill everyone and humanity bottoms out It's a problem now that we might be past the point of talking it out We need to ignore the differences instead of pointing them out |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Does true educated mean we'll never be a racist
Never see the problems that we all are faced with Never see a man and recognise it's a different skin There maybe a problem in the world but that isn't him You maybe able to list where the difference is But on a biological level there's no differences The racists in the media are always the working classes But is it not them that are working past this It is not them that demonise a man of a different colour Is it not them that are working with a man of different colour Is it not them that go to the pub with a man of a different colour Is it not them that see him not the man of a different colour Medieval Islam was the centre of mathematics But we'd rather highlight a few fanatical extremist antics I'll start by typing in this segment your tempo was nice,I liked the pace and ease this piece can be read at,I was feeling the contents here,how through media and word of mouth that has been handed down, can make men see another's colour before the man shocking really,this is an interesting subject here you chose to use.. We'd not celebrate Islam and what it gave to us But vilify it for the few and what they take from us If a man of colour crashes a plane it's his race or religion If a white man does its because he's in a deep depression There are lessons we should be learning from our history Why we have the urge to kill each other is the real mystery Why can't we find some common ground Before we kill everyone and humanity bottoms out It's a problem now that we might be past the point of talking it out We need to ignore the differences instead of pointing them out Nicely put,so many questions with easy logical answers,but we have been taught to hate,or to take pride in a country's past glory,sad ain't it,how petty/blind/small/arrogant we are,to let another man have power over another,this is a thought provoking verse,which I believe you tackled well,you have been on point thought really,1 persons perception should not be for someone else,as we are all individuals,but the elite want a hive mentality,and at this point in time,that's what they have,I also like the simplicity in which you displayed your vocab,as I feel if you went down the long word/ technical route,it would of marred this drop..well done I enjoyed the read...Ripe verse...peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Shankley
Superior Member Joined: 03 September 2013 Location: Leeds, England Status: Offline Points: 3369 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 37-43-1 Form: WNLWWL |
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Thanks for the in depth feedback guy. It really is appreciated, the first verse I've written in a long time. So to read good things is always appreciated. Much love dude.
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alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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Can't go as much in-depth as I'd like to right now, but I thought this was a very nice read. I thoroughly enjoyed your concept here, as you raised some quite interesting points of a "current" issue. Your opening segment was one of the highlights of this verse. Unfortunately, I wasn't overly fond of the "is it not them" couplet scheme-wise, as it felt rather "unnatural" in a sense, imo, but I guess it did its purpose of emphasising the "other" perspective quite well. You had a lot of very interesting lines, especially towards the middle- and ending segment and I thought that your last bar was also great in terms of a "closure".
I thoroughly loved the train of thought here, along with a few rather common, but well phrased statements. Overall, this was a quite refreshing and enjoyable read.
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-Que-
Standard Member Joined: 22 April 2010 Status: Offline Points: 2745 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 13-4-1 Form: WWWWLW |
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I totally slept on this. But i came back to actually take the entire journey. Mechanically it needs work but the content is bold and flexes courage. Diggin the spoken form this drop is in. At least thats how i delivered it in my mind cuz it sounded more powerful that way.I'm not a long indepth feeder...more like i just like to slide thru and acknowledge great works. But yeah...nice welcome back drop. Parts throughout open up many discussions and views.
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Sky Scrapur
Standard Member Joined: 21 October 2014 Status: Offline Points: 1133 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
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That's exactly what the world judges. Great piece man, there's always hope though it takes time for people to change. Islam is a religion, Arab is a race, terrorist a group of evil people but most Arabs. We can't blame a race like u mentioned or blame a religion(Islam) for a every terrorist attack. The issue is most terrorist attacks are done by Arabs so people always catch fear whenever they meet one of them. It's just a big and complex issue man but it's best we hang on to hope and perhaps a solution will come to pass in the process. |
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Endeavor
Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
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Alright, finally getting around to feed to this.
Oooo, off to a strong start with a great question. You did kinda color the question, though. Implying that if humanity is educated to the point that racism dies we'll be unaware of our problems. While I believe that the more educated we are, the more aware we are of our problems and the solutions to them.
Yes, I like this.
#facts.
Fair point. Guess we can call it stupidity and shortsightedness, no?
I liked this section as it is a very strong and bold (yet often true) statement. The only gripe I have with it is that it's employed a bit too soon in the verse. I think that if you put this at the near end the impact would have been a lot stronger!
Flow of the first bar is bonkers and once again you're stating truth.
And this is exactly the problem with the media coming back to the question you initially raised. Will education mean that practices like this will stop? I believe not. The influence of the media is insane and it seems that people actually like the fact that others think and interpret for them. A sore sight, indeed.
This is a deep rooted issue and the core of humanity. We have been violent since the stone ages and since then we became more creative in the violence. It's either passive aggression or cluster bombing the fuck out of a village.
And a strong finisher ending with a fact. Overall: I think this was a great verse. The flow was stable throughout and you raised some fair points which I tried to answer from my perspective. I think that's where the strength in this verse really lies. Technically it is not amazing (filled with insane metaphors, schemes and multi's) but what it lacks there, it compensates by making one think. So, yeah. I liked this a lot.
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#Bananas
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