Open Mic: Key iT Out

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Slip View Drop Down
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    Posted: 18 March 2018 at 6:07pm
im out right vicious
out write you in a minute
outrageous with these lines
potent rhymes gifted
lyrics wrapped with talent
admit it you wanna challenge me
flex on me
test me and best me
well you best be ready to empty 
every single stain of energy
do or die against the enemy 
sending me competition
magnificently written
given me a vision
somethin my mind can listen to
shine a glisten threw my thoughts
lyrical jewels im spittin rocks
heavy on the cost
theres a price you gotta pay
get ready for the lost
you may or may not
be able to bring what i need you to
believe me you
when i tell you its true
few a far between will see what i mean
until its, to late and i ruin ya dream
have ya women creaming
while they sleeping
from every word they reading
my moral meanings plants a seedling
got em staring at the ceiling 
deep thoughts thinking 
forgot about the meeting
never got up for work 
all day dreaming
about the words i put together
the way that i place it
weather you agree or not
i know its perfect placement
beats palying in the basement 
feel it threw the house
pen games growing huge amounts
showing you up like im showing out 
showing off just to show you about
my no doubt policy 
no ones stoppin me
honestly i'll probably 
start a monopoly 
this aint no novelty odyssey 
im the prophecies prodigy
bringing quality with quantity
given you the power to be a wannabe
but you'll never copy me properly


Edited by Slip - 18 March 2018 at 6:24pm
See no evil speak no evil silent echo alter ego
inner demon violent beast so
warn the mother fucking people
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Rap Daemon Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 March 2018 at 6:41pm
The rhyme transitions in this were smooth. Considering this was a keystyle though, some of the attempted punchlines weren't.

For example:

shine a glisten threw my thoughts
lyrical jewels im spittin rocks
heavy on the cost
theres a price you gotta pay


I see how you strung it together, but the second line is massively overplayed. The concept is as well, so I wish you did something out of the box and impactful with it than the obvious-what-comes-to-mind.

This:

never got up for work
all day dreaming


has a lot of potential. I wish you did more with this line, because it's such a great open-ended concept, so many great angles, like punchline ones and even personal themes, could be made from it.    

i know its perfect placement
beats palying in the basement
feel it threw the house
pen games growing huge amounts


Not exactly perfect placement in letters for the spelling of the word playing, but this segment is dope. Each line smoothly links together and while there's no special wordplay enthused in it, this envokes quite a bit of imagery. These lines could be said in any order and would make sense. It resonates on some levels.

I think this could have been closed better, if you took time with it, but obviously it's keystyled. And, while there were things that could be easily be polished and improved on for more power and impact, nothing was bad. Some more outstanding moments here and there and parts that didn't flash enough, but down to the basics, the rhymes were well done, the flow was on point, I read this and got a lot of energy from it simply because of the simple and easy-to-follow wording. I want to hear this audiovisually, because I can just see this being so lively and having more strength to a loud and obnoxious beat that can give more oomph to this style of piece.

Nice work, and keep it up. You're elevating and you'll see new heights if you keep taking these steps forward. You're only getting better, so master the craft and you'll be a heavyweight and maybe even a legend in this game.
Faggot
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Slip Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 March 2018 at 8:42pm
I see what your saying bro lol perfect spot to miss place the letters tho
I appreciate your time here , thanks.
See no evil speak no evil silent echo alter ego
inner demon violent beast so
warn the mother fucking people
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 March 2018 at 9:19pm
I like this man,
The pen was fluid with the rhymes
I deliver my work this way sometimes
Short and sharp
I don’t wanna come over big headed here fam but i will point sunfish our..
Be carful of rhyming for rhyming sake without bringing an extra layer!
Even if people miss it that dun matter
You will feel more rewarded in your efforts

Example: you talk about seedlings! But what grows from that?
Link your work up Homie...Consider continuation and growth in a drop like this
It’s the next level
Overall though this was still and enjoyable fast moving number with good flow

Just a lil ting to thing on main

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote rhetorical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 March 2018 at 1:26am
so, ive seen flex joints where the punches and overall aggression was better, but in key form, i think you delivered on what you intended this to be. Mechanically, this was pretty sound. Good flow, transitions were on point, everything just sort of rolled of the tongue and bounced from line to line effortlessly. it never felt stale or watered down, but i would like to see a bit more stand out lines. . regardless, this was a cool read. keep em coming 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Slip Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 March 2018 at 3:22am
appreciate your time fellas this was far from polished just free keyin what ever came out gave it a quick re scan and threw it up to try and breathe some life around here
# L.A NOT DEAD YET
See no evil speak no evil silent echo alter ego
inner demon violent beast so
warn the mother fucking people
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