Open Mic: Key iT Out |
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Slip
Standard Member Joined: 04 June 2013 Location: St Johns. N.L. Status: Offline Points: 1612 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 14-33-0 Form: LLLWLW |
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Posted: 18 March 2018 at 6:07pm |
im out right vicious
out write you in a minute outrageous with these lines potent rhymes gifted lyrics wrapped with talent admit it you wanna challenge me flex on me test me and best me well you best be ready to empty every single stain of energy do or die against the enemy sending me competition magnificently written given me a vision somethin my mind can listen to shine a glisten threw my thoughts lyrical jewels im spittin rocks heavy on the cost theres a price you gotta pay get ready for the lost you may or may not be able to bring what i need you to believe me you when i tell you its true few a far between will see what i mean until its, to late and i ruin ya dream have ya women creaming while they sleeping from every word they reading my moral meanings plants a seedling got em staring at the ceiling deep thoughts thinking forgot about the meeting never got up for work all day dreaming about the words i put together the way that i place it weather you agree or not i know its perfect placement beats palying in the basement feel it threw the house pen games growing huge amounts showing you up like im showing out showing off just to show you about my no doubt policy no ones stoppin me honestly i'll probably start a monopoly this aint no novelty odyssey im the prophecies prodigy bringing quality with quantity given you the power to be a wannabe but you'll never copy me properly Edited by Slip - 18 March 2018 at 6:24pm |
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See no evil speak no evil silent echo alter ego
inner demon violent beast so warn the mother fucking people |
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The Rap Daemon
Standard Member Joined: 05 August 2015 Location: Purgatory Status: Offline Points: 1108 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-14-0 Form: LWLWWL |
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The rhyme transitions in this were smooth. Considering this was a keystyle though, some of the attempted punchlines weren't.
For example: shine a glisten threw my thoughts lyrical jewels im spittin rocks heavy on the cost theres a price you gotta pay I see how you strung it together, but the second line is massively overplayed. The concept is as well, so I wish you did something out of the box and impactful with it than the obvious-what-comes-to-mind. This: never got up for work all day dreaming has a lot of potential. I wish you did more with this line, because it's such a great open-ended concept, so many great angles, like punchline ones and even personal themes, could be made from it. i know its perfect placement beats palying in the basement feel it threw the house pen games growing huge amounts Not exactly perfect placement in letters for the spelling of the word playing, but this segment is dope. Each line smoothly links together and while there's no special wordplay enthused in it, this envokes quite a bit of imagery. These lines could be said in any order and would make sense. It resonates on some levels. I think this could have been closed better, if you took time with it, but obviously it's keystyled. And, while there were things that could be easily be polished and improved on for more power and impact, nothing was bad. Some more outstanding moments here and there and parts that didn't flash enough, but down to the basics, the rhymes were well done, the flow was on point, I read this and got a lot of energy from it simply because of the simple and easy-to-follow wording. I want to hear this audiovisually, because I can just see this being so lively and having more strength to a loud and obnoxious beat that can give more oomph to this style of piece. Nice work, and keep it up. You're elevating and you'll see new heights if you keep taking these steps forward. You're only getting better, so master the craft and you'll be a heavyweight and maybe even a legend in this game. |
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Faggot
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Slip
Standard Member Joined: 04 June 2013 Location: St Johns. N.L. Status: Offline Points: 1612 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 14-33-0 Form: LLLWLW |
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I see what your saying bro lol perfect spot to miss place the letters tho
I appreciate your time here , thanks. |
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See no evil speak no evil silent echo alter ego
inner demon violent beast so warn the mother fucking people |
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spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3162 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
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I like this man,
The pen was fluid with the rhymes I deliver my work this way sometimes Short and sharp I don’t wanna come over big headed here fam but i will point sunfish our.. Be carful of rhyming for rhyming sake without bringing an extra layer! Even if people miss it that dun matter You will feel more rewarded in your efforts Example: you talk about seedlings! But what grows from that? Link your work up Homie...Consider continuation and growth in a drop like this It’s the next level Overall though this was still and enjoyable fast moving number with good flow Just a lil ting to thing on main |
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rhetorical
Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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so, ive seen flex joints where the punches and overall aggression was better, but in key form, i think you delivered on what you intended this to be. Mechanically, this was pretty sound. Good flow, transitions were on point, everything just sort of rolled of the tongue and bounced from line to line effortlessly. it never felt stale or watered down, but i would like to see a bit more stand out lines. . regardless, this was a cool read. keep em coming
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Slip
Standard Member Joined: 04 June 2013 Location: St Johns. N.L. Status: Offline Points: 1612 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 14-33-0 Form: LLLWLW |
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appreciate your time fellas this was far from polished just free keyin what ever came out gave it a quick re scan and threw it up to try and breathe some life around here
# L.A NOT DEAD YET
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See no evil speak no evil silent echo alter ego
inner demon violent beast so warn the mother fucking people |
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