Spotlight: [KOTM] Akatsuki - Hidan's Genjutsu

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    Posted: 12 August 2017 at 2:45pm
"Take out the Akatsuki, return the stolen eye,
Be strong Uzumaki, most men i send often die,"
Granny Tsunade advised, and my 1st mission started,
Walking out her office, my cool & reason parted,
Grabbed blades, star metals and a few paper bombs,
In heist, determined like daddy tryna save ma moms,
I flew over the village's gate, quicker than freerunners,
the devil's blade ran across my face, and there, three hunters,
The Akatsuki, waited in the famous forest of the Hidden Mist,
And while my heart hoped i had not become Hidan's feast,
I noticed his right eye, yes it was Itachi's sharingan,
& before i knew it, a genjutsu was cast, turning an Asian into an African,
Geographically i was relocated, to a new world, the forbbiden forest,
Trees dark brown, green poison flowin down the bark,
Gleaming like fresh witch dust before the main ritual starts,
In my camel's skin panties i hesitantly browsed the Island,
T-Rexs roaring war cries above eucalyptus trees in Highlands,
I over heard "huff huff huff" as i walked through the valley,
swum like a creepy crawley beneath waters not wanting to tarry,
And saw trolls salivate human prey, sprinkling blood over their faces,
With skin harder that turtle shells and the mind of a hardcore racist,
Then a furnace qualified breath dried my hair and my back,
Making me shiver, breath held like a fine man going for climax,
I slowly turned around, hand sign shouting multi-shadow clones,
To a surprisingly anaconda sized tapeworm with jaws born for bones,
Of course i screemed like a helpless bitch, taking her first giant thrust,
But couldn't retreat, i vowed to send it beneath the earth's silent crust,
A thousand of us with silver daggers, skinned the fat worm alive
Hundreds got chewed to destruction, others crushed holding the damn knife,
Stabbed the neck and yellow juice splashed all over the battle scene,
Causing the huge motherfuxker to hiss in anguish and rattle mean,
But damage had already be done, so we claimed its heart ours,
In the presence of devastating weather with roaring thunder showers,
I lifted the beating organ high standing upon the victim's belly,
Raising my alien voice in triumph, just like The Predator, bodies smelly,
Trolls and creatures of the dark in awe, tembling to the very core,
For the fuckin life of the apex predator, my hands claimed with gore,
Eventually breaking Hidan's jutsu, my eyes woke up to another terror,
My heart in my hands,
Hidan's ritual completed,
The fucken mission, a fuxken error.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 August 2017 at 2:27am
imaginative man. I like the setting here. Had this bushido tone to it haha. i thought this piece did great in regards to action and even moments of humor. some problems i noticed were spelling errors. sure its just text and its no big deal but its one of those instances where all it needed was one round of proofread. but i can't front i've had issue with stuff like this too lol. another problem i see was the wording. some were really forced for the sake of rhyming:
"I over heard "huff huff huff" as i walked through the valley,
swum like a creepy crawley beneath waters not wanting to tarry,"

regardless i thought this was very imaginative and quite entertaining. i felt the plot was certainly the strong aspect of this verse. kudos, my friend. 


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sky Scrapur Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 August 2017 at 5:01am
Originally posted by Sammy Sammy wrote:

imaginative man. I like the setting here. Had this bushido tone to it haha. i thought this piece did great in regards to action and even moments of humor. some problems i noticed were spelling errors. sure its just text and its no big deal but its one of those instances where all it needed was one round of proofread. but i can't front i've had issue with stuff like this too lol. another problem i see was the wording. some were really forced for the sake of rhyming:
"<span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">I over heard "huff huff huff" as i walked through the valley,</span>
<span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">swum like a creepy crawley beneath waters not wanting to tarry,"</span>
<span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">
</span>
<span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">regardless i thought this was very imaginative and quite entertaining. i felt the plot was certainly the strong aspect of this verse. kudos, my friend. </span>


Thanks for the feed bro

Much appreciated
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