Open Mic: [KOTM] Catching fire [KOTM]

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Cuba View Drop Down
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    Posted: 11 June 2017 at 8:14pm


Death comes for all, whether you’re meek or stand tough
I can see through that bowler hat, Mr. blind man’s bluff
Bernard’s a pervert, leering at women he finds attractive
Who see his cane and don’t realise his eyes are active
His time will come, but let’s switch the topic
In the cup that I clasp is a drink and every sip is toxic
But I’m gulping it down, yeah, that’s twisted logic
These fools lack the foresight, that shit’s myopic
To see the reckoning that’s beckoning
That those train track clatters are threatening
The cart jolts, sparks vault, mother grabs her child’s hand
Father too concerned with eyeing up the waitresses thighs and…
Thinking wicked thoughts, if only he knew then
What that waitress used to do to crude men!!
Get that kitchen knife, hold it hella hard
And cut up dumb punks like an old credit card
The train rolls on, picking up, gathering speed
They’re all about to get smoked like African weed
That dumb fuck at the back got distracted
Left a tea towel on the stove and that’s not an action
 Far from dire, like bitch, that’s a pyre
And now it’s like the Hunger Games, catching fire
Panic setting in as the smoke’s billowing
Hope glimmering, as they rush to smash the windows in
Then they made that fatal mistake…
Blind Man bluffing grabbed at the emergency brake
As the train hurtled round that wooden bridge, too late
Momentum had already sealed their fate
Train left the tracks at an uncontrollable rate
And trust, from gravity there is no escape

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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 June 2017 at 2:48pm
My favorite part of this is that you included everyone, even yourself in the picture. I think it was clever to incorporate the blind guy as actually being able to see. Incorporating the cheating husband and the man-hating (killer) waitress. It all was really really cool. The reference to the addiction of peoples "needs" such as coffee as being toxic is cool too. My wife has that addiction to starbucks, lmao, I can relate. 

All in all it was nice and tied together at the end. I enjoyed this man.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 June 2017 at 3:53pm
Yeah, this was technically sound. Mechanics are crisp and flow was nice. Conceptually this was a really nice piece. The way you incorporated this blind dude and shit was top tier topical writing. The way you used the picture was really dope. I mean come on Cubez, write more motherfucker. I dont know why you dont want to waste a few hours and give us entertainment man. Fuck sake, Back to the writing. You know you got it, we all know you got it and this was entertaining. Very classy writing sonz. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Lord Puente Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 June 2017 at 1:53pm
... why don't you do more drops?! This shit was dope. I hate to sound like a broken record player, but the blind guy not being blind was a nice twist. Also I liked that instead of the picture just adding to your narrative, you flipped it and the narrative added to the picture. Like the part about the tea towel. My only critique was the hella hard/credit card. I liked the line, just didn't like the word hella in there. You had a nice vocab throughout and I think that is why that word didn't fit wel for me. Other than a single fucking word in this, it was fucking great. Solid drop Cuba, def will be tough to top!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 June 2017 at 8:44pm
Appreciate the feedback guys, thought it was a great topic and just wanted to get an entry in...

Strongly encourage others to get involved before the window closes
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote King Jehu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 June 2017 at 3:12pm
I would suggest anyone who wants to write to the picture not read this, because it's so good you may not be able to differentiate your drop enough to be unique unless you already have an idea where you wanna go with it.
Insert something rappy here
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 June 2017 at 1:04pm
I totally forgot about this,i really liked the picture there's just so much happening,
tentacles and the hand round the blinds man's throat and shit,anyways..

This was a real creative piece of writing here Cuba,the blind man's bluff and the actual
placing or giving him an identity was solid,it just added to the mechanics and layering
on the whole,this was impressive on reading,from the perverted blind man down to
waitress and the man on the end who was nondescript was ripe,and all to a setting of
just one carriage on a line and in a line with others,(as train do),your multi syllables
were also present,your content was engaging and easily absorbed on reading also,i
think you did real well capturing this picture overall,and like others have stated (and
time being kind) you should do more drops yourself,as you certainly do give people
entertainment value with each one you've done and I've read thus far,i also liked the
inclusion of giving each character a role or a reason, that was a highlight in itself i
thought,i could go on,or even hash out a few bars,but i won't in fear that i might be
viewed as d/r and damaging my good name..lol..but truthfully Cube's this was a real
real ripe an enjoyable read thanks for posting,(and giving me a reminder about this
picture)...peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 July 2017 at 5:01pm
The tie-ins to the picture were exceptional, especially how you effortlessly danced back and forth between the literal, psychological and metaphorical. I don't think you left one stone unturned or anything thing to be desired. Your verse proved the reader with a full and creative account of the picture. The phony blind man was genius and the part about the waitress killing chauvinistic men was also a nice touch. I also really dug how you discribed the motion of the train and the imagery the wooden track provided. Idk, Cubes. This is just really good and well written from start to finish. Mechanically it was also top notched too. This was a great verse that exceeded expectations. Bravo.
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