Spotlight: [KOTM] Primordial Soup[KOTM]

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    Posted: 05 August 2017 at 5:45am


"Primordial Soup"
by Sammy

The polarity, off point.
the balance, a juxtaposing of night and day
seaside swipe as the wide ocean sprays
salted bitter breeze cutting deep as vision sways...

Perhaps a compulsive shift.
time altered?
fabric of fallacy divided at a conjoining rift
always wanted to know what lurks behind that Bermuda drift
So here i am. *PUKE* the movement...
sick! not your conventional nuisance. 
Listen, i've been on voyage but not one quite as moving as this!

the sky, a dark, ashen gray. "stark" would be best..
to the describe it. 
Primitive seas divided by a spec....a yacht hovering along silently. 
*Seconds later*
something marked its arrival 
the Maiden of my "Lorna" has made wave with the gods of denial
It was HUGE...Its Jaws, collosal, the size of...a bus. 
Lord of the deep: Megalodon.
Incisors, thrusting against the side of my yact.
eyes, the shade of a godless world
movement, marauding in topsy turv
fear of capsizing had me praying to my God....

It's heard...

A distant echo signal the arrival of dawn
an analogy all too fitting as i observe the size of the pod
a group of Livyatan Melvellei sailed by, riling the shark
the bull raced towards the Meg as it widen its jaw...
the size of a modern Sperm Whale but with the bite of a shark
the two titans squared off for deep sea supremacy....

when suddenly a wooshing sound pulled me out..into a different sea.
should've been relieved but as unpredictable as this journey of life...
i still sit and wonder to myself....WHO THE FUCK WON THAT FIGHT!!









Edited by Sammy - 05 August 2017 at 6:03am


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sky Scrapur Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 August 2017 at 6:29am
I enjoyed reading this script. Strong imagery and personally that's what i love to see in storytelling. It's like i was watching a movie and that descriptive writing of urs stirs up that poetic feel. Man this is dope. I wouldn't wanna fall into that situation though no matter how much i love adventure.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote CHAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 August 2017 at 12:05pm


Nah, Gravano, you ain't shit for this one.
Unfuckwithable.
The moment you evolve into combining punchlines with your metaphors you'll enter the Lupe level of mastery.
+Sick-Witted+
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 August 2017 at 3:59am
Bruh. Sometime I don't even think you're human. Or at the very least you're a 65 year old Pulitzer Prize winning author that just so happens to love hip hop music with a passion. I swear you write some of the most sophisticated and imaginative stuff in the world. For instance, this reads like 'Mobby Dick' but with the action and entertainment of Jaws. Although, I'm not sure that's even an accurate disciption, but it make sense in my mind lol. But yeah Sam this was a miniseries produced by HBO level good. I was hooked on every line. One thing in particular that I enjoyed was how your imagery was direct while at the same time poetic. It had a lot to offer and absorb. Also, your flow was definitely smooth and your mechanics were a pleasure to observe. Dope read. From top-to-bottom.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Dntplywelwitothers Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 August 2017 at 3:33pm
An extremely entertaining read. Poetic storytelling, vivid imagery and a haunting cliff-hanger. This absolutely absorbs the reader.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote alicewonder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 August 2017 at 12:50am
This is so beautifully written. I had a chance to skim through it earlier, but it's even more impressive on a second read. The imagery you employed was very original and extremely well created. 'Salted bitter breeze' and 'fabric of fallacy' are just a few examples of your very unique choice and arrangement of words. The third segment was probably the most powerful in terms of 'story progression' and metaphorical value. The ending was also original in its own way and I appreciate the poetic/tale-like approach. 
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