Spotlight: [KOTM] The Beast

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The Rap Daemon View Drop Down
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    Posted: 02 August 2017 at 9:03am
Sitting on the tops of the trees, a blossoming breeze
Hits my face, a breath of life signals lots for the free
But in this world that's not the case and my brothers know it
We're just monkeys swinging without knowledge of what's coming-going
We're just spokes in the wheel of this journey of survival
Not the beast that knows how to get it turning on his ripe call
The trees might be our throne but there's no common card when we climb down
It's survival of the fittest and the fight's always right now!
I see a corpse, looks like something already lost
And I need a piece for my brothers at whatever cost
Here it's instinct over thought and though I know it's a risk
If I don't get some of that meet we're dead anyway so it's a bit
Of a one-sided choice anyway, so I leap to the grassy plains
And make a dash, attention locked on that meaty mass which lays
In front of me, but for that I didn't see what had it's way
With the carcass and as I kneel to take a piece the damage waits
Of my actions, and as I stand a breath behind me
Breathes so wild, I feel the panic as I sense that death can eye me
And it sets, I turn 'round and the saber tooth blends the image which is done
I'm done as saliva drips from its fangs reminiscent of some blood
I run, I'm not willing to die young
Somehow not feeling natural as fear really kicks in a blind thumb
I hold onto the emotion and I'm now sickened by my dumb
Move, why didn't I check for danger? What's coming-going, am I done!?
I don't even see the beast that's chasing me, I just see my family
What if this is my last sight? How are they gon' keep this tragedy-
At bay? There's gotta be more to life than death
And then it dawns, survival is the game and to thrive's to rise a breath
That will last forever past death! That thought begins to clock
And as the time ticks I notice on the floor a rock
Thought takes over or blends with instinct and I just lob the meet towards the tree
And I pick up this rock and turn back and throw it and all I see
Is the beast that was riding, now lying without motion
And it's crash signals at least for now we're driving this route open
Life's no longer one closed chapter of survival and the fittest
Thrive to make their story heard in this book of life and this is just the beginning
And as my brothers cheer this victory, we don't know yet as it seems
We're just happy to survive and don't get what it means
Who knew through this discovery made we'd make our own gears
And build on our spokes so we can make our own steers
In this journey of life, who'd have known we'd be the beast that's getting to plan it's
Way of life, and shape everything breathing down the neck of this planet. (?).



Edited by The Rap Daemon - 02 August 2017 at 9:15am
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The Rap Daemon View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Rap Daemon Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 August 2017 at 9:10am
Fuck. I got carried away with this. I think I've gone over the line limit. If that takes me out of the question, well I apologise to y'all and myself really. I got lost in this piece and didn't focus on anything else much so yeah I'll just have this as a standalone thing if need be because I don't wanna change it now - this piece is what it is - I'm sorry. I'm more for bringing out good reads and enjoying a good read too and I'm not for the competition it's an art gallery for me all this to just take in art and enjoy so good luck to everyone is all I can say - keep this one out - I don't mind.. Respect and peace.   
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 August 2017 at 10:58am
Getting carried away is a great thing, means you enjoyed it and sure Self will appreciate it. The competition is designed to encourage and inspire drops, so don't worry about it.

But to be fair to everyone we will stick to entries within the line limit when picking a winner.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Rap Daemon Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 August 2017 at 11:26am
I doubt I'd have won anyway lmao but yeah I'm not bothered about winning not just because I probably wouldn't but it's the giving-and-getting of feedback that drives me. I'll just appreciate whatever feed I get from this that I can use to continue improving and how people take this piece and what enjoyment I can get from reading the other entries and feeding their's too, that's a win for me.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 August 2017 at 5:04pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote CHAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 August 2017 at 12:17pm
Lol that was action packed as fuck.
It was a long ass read but I breezed through it like it was nothing.
Flowed real fluently.

One thing. Try to rhyme more often when you write long lines.
+Sick-Witted+
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 August 2017 at 5:17pm
this wasn't too bad, bro. i REALLY dug the story. its very imaginative! there were spots where the multies flowed well then there are some rough spots that can benefit form some assonance or more multies. my main gripe with this piece is the wording. 

"With the carcass and as I kneel to take a piece the damage waits"

i understand the "with the carcass" is simply a enjambment of the previous line so that was ok, but the "Piece the damage waits" made no sense to me. the damage waits? or maybe it was a case of stronger punctuation? 

"thought takes over or blends with instinct and I just lob the meet towards the tree"

this part was both dope and dude. "thoughts take over or blends with instinct" is such ill imagery and the wording was so conceptual then you ended it with "just lob the meet towards the tree" meet/meat, cool i got it. but the "just" could have been omitted imo. 

but honestly this was a very enjoyable piece, RD. keep on, my brother. 


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