Open Mic: [KOTM]The Heart of a Mother[KOTM]

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daydizzle89 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 28 June 2017 at 8:27pm



Flashbacks hit amidst breakfast
Within, i see my past, its endless
thoughts at rest with this deception
Reality has left and clarity exits
Bi-Polarity enters while im stressing
 ringing in my ears, shrieks so prophetic
switched gears and my fears progressing
hesitant for years with reflectance
 mental wear eroding witha decompressing body
Mind at loss as i pick away whats in my coffee
Bobby (ME...) Screaming to mommy "Let go.. get off me"
As she grasps my wrists like an Octi.. pussy i rubbed softly
Battered and abused sexually for being naughty
dad read the news with blinders on like he never saw me
If i ever crossed knees, I was beat till i was bleeding
Blood covered walls, kicking and screaming
Pleading for my father to stop it... He he kept reading
I wept and proceeded to take it, left depleted
mistreatment, it never seceded
one late evening, two Lives needed deletion
she was pleased to beat me, i begin dreaming
next weekend, Mommy and me cooked for daddy and heated it
Mommy was the meat and daddy was pleased with
Bobby, dish is delicious what did you use for the seasoning?
Peeled skin and the tears of a bitch that was grieving
Daddy, stop the weeping... Or you'll meet the cleaver
15 years and the flashbacks leave me even weaker
The deceitful bitch left scars on this evil creature
At least we're far apart mom, always leaving ya in the freezer
When I relive those days in the dark, I pick at parts of your heart..
and eat it with leisure..


Edited by daydizzle89 - 28 June 2017 at 8:45pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 June 2017 at 9:05pm
I'm on the train home at the moment,when i reach home i'll leave this piece detailed
feed,after a quick scan i like what i've read



(and i hate East Midlands fucking trains,i've got an hour journey again standing up,ain't
that laughable when I Paid For A Fucking Seat!) ..
"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2017 at 2:32pm
Fuck me... I loved your intro. It was tight, to the point, concise and really set for what I thought was going to be the tone of this. As you incorporated the other elements of the picture you started to take a dramatic, evil and gruesome turn. I know you don't particularly care but the heated it/dreaming/pleased with didn't exactly match and through me slightly off. But you had similar sounding words so it got me through. The content turned like I said before, gruesome and I didn't see it coming at first. Pretty clever to turn an "ordinary" photo to some "Mommy's body is in the freezer" type shit.

Nice work!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 July 2017 at 5:26pm
Thanks for the feedback my wiggas
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 July 2017 at 10:46pm
Firstly my apologies,i can't believe i forgot about this friend..



Flashbacks hit amidst breakfast
Within, i see my past, its endless
thoughts at rest with this deception
Reality has left and clarity exits
Bi-Polarity enters while im stressing
ringing in my ears, shrieks so prophetic
switched gears and my fears progressing
hesitant for years with reflectance
mental wear eroding witha decompressing body
Mind at loss as i pick away whats in my coffee
Bobby (ME...) Screaming to mommy "Let go.. get off me"
As she grasps my wrists like an Octi.. pussy i rubbed softly
Battered and abused sexually for being naughty
dad read the news with blinders on like he never saw me

(OK straight off the bat i like the angle here,this segment had a focus on what's going
on from within as if 1st person mode,it read like fragments that were blended into one
scene,it was decisive and direct i thought,the progression from the start is progressive
via story line also,you caught my attention from the off to be honest I was intrigued to
see where this was going or ending,your rhyme scheme was simple but nice,due to the
choice of end rhyming words,it also read pacey to via this course, plus it all relates well
to the picture,nice segment..)   

If i ever crossed knees, I was beat till i was bleeding
Blood covered walls, kicking and screaming
Pleading for my father to stop it... He he kept reading
I wept and proceeded to take it, left depleted
mistreatment, it never seceded
one late evening, two Lives needed deletion
she was pleased to beat me, i begin dreaming
next weekend, Mommy and me cooked for daddy and heated it
Mommy was the meat and daddy was pleased with
Bobby, dish is delicious what did you use for the seasoning?
Peeled skin and the tears of a bitch that was grieving
Daddy, stop the weeping... Or you'll meet the cleaver
15 years and the flashbacks leave me even weaker
The deceitful bitch left scars on this evil creature
At least we're far apart mom, always leaving ya in the freezer
When I relive those days in the dark, I pick at parts of your heart..
and eat it with leisure..

(literally a dish served cold eh,an abused childhood that was shaped and moulded for revenge from a young age,but in the end became more evil than his parents,you had
some vivid details popping off too,the story line although engrossing it had a feel of
an horrorcore element to it also,although it wasn't as relatable as the first segment to
the picture,it worked because of the progression within the concept itself,and the
ending was good too,it has a moral vibe in that violence breeds violence,and live by
the sword die by the sword feel,nice entry here,good work dude..peace
"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 July 2017 at 7:34pm
Took me a few reads to really understand how the first part was relevant to the rest of the story. Once that penny dropped I did kind of appreciate the rest of it a bit more. That flashback element was a touch of genius.

As for the remainder I don't particularly care for the gratuitously dark angles you seem to take. Don't know if it's just the material that I've read by you but I'd like to see you push yourself creatively and go for the less obvious 'Dizzle angle' but maybe that's just me.

Nice drop though Dizz, that flashback segment was pretty next level.
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