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    Posted: 18 October 2013 at 10:44am


LAX
BATTLE ROYALE

CONTESTANTS

#1 - The Law
#2 - Dougy
#3 - Zinaii
#4 - The Guy
#5 - Kiki
#6 - Levy
#7 - Nigma
#8 - UNLM
#9 - Chain
#10 - Woods OR Lucky OR Spume OR Blissful

RULES

9 rounds
8 lines each
Battlers 1 and 2 contest first round
Battler 1 drops first, Battler 2 second
Winner stays on thereafter
Challenger drops first each round
Most votes per round wins
Orion casts any tie-breaking vote
All other rules House (meaning flipping IS allowed, crew votes are NOT)
Final round winner is text title #1 contender

ROUND 1 - The Law vs Dougy

The Law drops by 12 noon UK/7am Eastern Oct 18
Dougy drops by 12 midnight UK/7pm Eastern Oct 18
Voting will close APPROXIMATELY 9pm UK/4pm Eastern Oct 19

Let's . . . gO


Edited by hanGing - 19 October 2013 at 5:58pm
. . . Now who said they fuckin' with me?
They just said that FUCKIN' with me
They didn't mean it
Nah . . .
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote -Orion- Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 October 2013 at 10:48am
Oh good gOd you gotta fix that left align...it wasn't showing up like that when I was writing it...and it won't let me edit it... btw I should add, I'm not gonna be too fussed about 'free posts' in here...in the sense it doesn't JUST need to be verses and votes...obviously if you take advantage of that then one of Scooter's henchmen will go in on you, but posts here and there are OK... for a nine-round battle that's gonna last weeks and involve 10 people, I'd rather not have a separate 'discussion thread' for it...so, yeah...enjoy
. . . Now who said they fuckin' with me?
They just said that FUCKIN' with me
They didn't mean it
Nah . . .
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Law Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 October 2013 at 11:34am
Casse-toi! You lonely cunt....  Just "Pardon my French" while I shit on your lines

Cause my 'shots'll leave you by your Nanna's side' like you should've been when she died

Your a miserable fuck, posting your birthday in hopes to get some wishes kid??

Even your grandmother missed the shit, so he had his sweet 16 with the syndicate -___- eesh!!

but You know my 'head shots have his sauce leaking' and staining up his noodle

Until I get this 'dugout to dissappear' quicker than Shea Stadiums Removal

Look at the difference.. If I get no sleep, everyone's concerned.. That's not the way you live it up
You post it... and even scotty came to say that... 'NOBODY GIVES A FUCK'!!
(so just leave and stay off)

Expo:

Bar 1 - Grandma/Nanna Death In OM says he was in 'french' when it happened.. 'Pardon my french' phrase reference, it also says he shoulda been by her side
Bar 3 - Dugout/Doug Out, Shea Stadium
Go my Minions!


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote -Orion- Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 October 2013 at 11:48am
gOddamn

Thanks Law for starting LA X with a bang...now I'm starting to see why people weren't fazed by you drawing #1

Now Dougy - bring the house down
. . . Now who said they fuckin' with me?
They just said that FUCKIN' with me
They didn't mean it
Nah . . .
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote JBrenn Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 October 2013 at 12:20pm
Law still writing that raw shit! Lax first blood!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Titu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 October 2013 at 2:48pm
eagerly waiting for doughy to rise cuz LAW is almost done doughing his grave.lol
Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote The Law Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 October 2013 at 3:06pm
Originally posted by Titu Titu wrote:

eagerly waiting for doughy to rise cuz LAW is almost done doughing his grave.lol


You need to learn English kid.
Go my Minions!


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Zinaii Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 October 2013 at 6:34pm
dougy aint gone drop he never drops
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Titu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 October 2013 at 6:46pm
Originally posted by The Law The Law wrote:

Originally posted by Titu Titu wrote:

eagerly waiting for doughy to rise cuz LAW is almost done doughing his grave.lol


You need to learn English kid.



I am eagerly waiting for dougy's response.
Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote -Orion- Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 October 2013 at 7:47pm
He said he would... You've got just over four hours Dougy... Bring the noise...and the funk too, why not
. . . Now who said they fuckin' with me?
They just said that FUCKIN' with me
They didn't mean it
Nah . . .
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Dougysnuggy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 October 2013 at 8:21pm
Titu get rid of that avi...
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Titu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 October 2013 at 8:34pm
We are waiting for ya drop.

Originally posted by Dougysnuggy Dougysnuggy wrote:

Titu get rid of that avi...

I will
Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Dougysnuggy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 October 2013 at 8:45pm
ATTENTION. if youre a dumbfuck who can't slant rhyme then don't vote... Line 5 and 6 have a slant rhyme. 

Bar 2: He has trouble sleeping. 

he's got ammo in this BR? Nah... I'll buy him Halo 2
I'll quad shot law and leave chief sleepin without his cryogenic tube
Somebody hand this insomniac an ambien... but let the cameras film
Because in his dreams is the only time somebody ever cared for him
No labels made aware of him... I'm here to cause an uproar
Found his homosex traits and forced em straight, applause (up law's)
All his bars are average.. he's snoozin' with the cabbage patch
When he's robbing mickey D's is the only time he's packin macs..
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Arthur Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 October 2013 at 10:28pm
Casse-toi! You lonely cunt.... Just "Pardon my French" while I shit on your lines
Cause my 'shots'll leave you by your Nanna's side' like you should've been when she died
Your a miserable fuck, posting your birthday in hopes to get some wishes kid??
Even your grandmother missed the shit, so he had his sweet 16 with the syndicate -___- eesh!!
but You know my 'head shots have his sauce leaking' and staining up his noodle
Until I get this 'dugout to dissappear' quicker than Shea Stadiums Removal
Look at the difference.. If I get no sleep, everyone's concerned.. That's not the way you live it up
You post it... and even scotty came to say that... 'NOBODY GIVES A FUCK'!!
(so just leave and stay off)

Ok you opened with a raw gritty personal, i love it, no holds barred attitude as it should be. Thing is it weren't really a strong punchline, like i know the personal was hard but it could have been turned into an awesome punch with like a metaphor or something, still though because of the personal its quite a good opener. Referenced his grandmother again, maybe in the second bar move on from that topic, but i know that wasn't the main focal point of the second bar so it doesn't take too much away, the personal is another good one, but again maybe turning it into a nice punchline with a metaphor or something would have further increased its effect. Oh snap i love the 3rd bar, that's what I'm talking about with your punches that 3rd one is on point, the wordplay works, its a good nameplay which results in a great bar. The fourth bar was good, it had sick flow and again another solid personal hit, like the first two though i felt like it could have been turned into a sick punch, but the personal kinda makes up for it.

Overall: the personals are all solid and its a great verse. Would have been even better had the personals been worked into SOLID punches.



he's got ammo in this BR? Nah... I'll buy him Halo 2
I'll quad shot law and leave chief sleepin without his cryogenic tube
Somebody hand this insomniac an ambien... but let the cameras film
Because in his dreams is the only time somebody ever cared for him
No labels made aware of him... I'm here to cause an uproar
Found his homosex traits and forced em straight, applause (up law's)
All his bars are average.. he's snoozin' with the cabbage patch
When he's robbing mickey D's is the only time he's packin macs..

I had to google cryogenic tube, something about keeping things frozen? The thing about video games and bullets/ammo/guns/shots etc is that its kinda played dude. It wasn't the best opener, i thought you would come out swinging but it didn't make me jump out of my seat. The second bar has a kool personal, the whole sleep thing, i just felt as though it could have been worked into a much better punch than what you dropped "in his dreams is the only time someone cared for him" it kinda sounds like a setup and a hard hitting punch is to follow. With the slanted rhyme the wordplay does work. But what has the word applause got to do with the rest of the bar? The point of wordplay is to have that double meaning, i can't see that here dude. Its an okayish bar but again I've seen better stuff from you. Ok i'll be honest, the macs and mcdonalds thing is super played man, I'm sorry it just is. And its usually used the way you used it "packin macs" "bring more macs" "put the mac to your face" etc etc.

Overall: its disappointing, i expected a lot more from you dougy and I've definitely seen better drops from you. Be more creative.


Verdict: i gotta give it to law, he came with harder personals and his punchlines hit harder.

Winner: The Law
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Dougysnuggy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 October 2013 at 11:46pm
BR= a gun in halo. BR is an abbreviation for Battle royale.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Law Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 October 2013 at 1:05am
thanks for the breakdown arthur
Go my Minions!


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 October 2013 at 1:29am
Yeah, pretty clear advance for Law here...harder punches, sharper disses...Dougy didn't really bring any kind of tenacity in return.

Vote Law
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote mcwoods Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 October 2013 at 1:58am
I agree with a lot of what Arthur said, that said: 

Law: To be honest, I didn't think this was as hot as people have said. I like the fact that you jab and punch throughout the lines, which will be effective in a shorter battle. More hits will do more damage. The opener is pretty hard hitting for the personal fact, a death in the family. Though I wasn't a big fan of the play or the way you phrased it. Using what he said could be seen as quite fitting, but to me, it's just reiterating a statement. Next bar was okay, again it's personal, which is good, but he posted up his own birthday, so what? It has the potential for a good punch, but it's more like stating a fact. 3rd bar was probably your best for me as it's a nice play, though im a little unsure of the wording, 'dug-out to disappear' I get dugout as in baseball, but the other way I don't really see how it works? If his name was dugout, then fair enough, but the other way seems awkwardly worded to me. 4th bar again seems to be more fact stating. You have a straight forward style. Which I can see working well, but my preference is cleverness, humour, wittiness etc. You had nice personals and you know how to construct a good verse. To me it's obvious you know what you're doing, but I just thought you could have done a little more. I'm maybe being overly critical, as I expected a lot based on everyones expectations of you. 

Dougy: I think you had a decent chance here, but this verse wasn't enough to do it. Starting off by calling the potential voters, dumbfucks lol, isn't the best idea. This may sound stupid, but it seems to me the way people style their verses has an effect on the voters minds. If you look at yours vs laws in purely look, laws blows yours away, he has the nice expos, the centre text (lol) the brackets, the big ups etc, yours seems more slapped down. To me, it may seem ridiculous, but it can effect how someone reads a verse. Things like exclamation points and question marks can add to a verse. Putting emphasis on the right parts etc. In the future I would consider cleaning that up and putting more into that side, as it's the little things that make the difference. Apart from that: First bar, i would have swapped the two lines, I liked the first one and wasnt a fan of the second. Using BR is clever and is good material, but it's a very specific shot and not everyone is going to be able to get behind it. Second bar I don't get at all, this isn't really a personal, hardly a punch, unless i'm missing something? No one's gonna read that and think it's killer, the basic punch is: 'No one likes you', if thats it, then it's gonna fall flat. 3rd bar is okay, that stuff is pretty played out, applause/up laws, is clever, but it needs to be made into a harder hitting play. 4th bar is the same problem. So he doesn't pack guns? This is a forum. I doubt many people are actual gangsters who actually own and shoot guns. You have to think when you're writing a punch, 'is this gonna make my opponent look worse?' Two of your punches where, no one cares for him and he doesnt own guns. People are gonna read that and think, so what? It needs to be more personal, more creative and more unique. You have potential. You have the right ideas, but haven't developed them fully. You need to look at more top verses and incorporate more of their aspects into yours. You could have the sickest play ever, but if the punch is: 'you have no friends', it's still not gonna be killer. If you keep writing and take on board from other people, I think you can go far. But this wasn't your best effort I don't think. 

All that said, Law is the more experienced battler and it showed. Hopefully both come out swinging next round. 

Vote: The Law. 

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote mcwoods Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 October 2013 at 1:59am
Good breakdown Cu LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Dougysnuggy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 October 2013 at 2:31am
Originally posted by Cuba Cuba wrote:

Yeah, pretty clear advance for Law here...harder punches, sharper disses...Dougy didn't really bring any kind of tenacity in return.

Vote Law



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