Open Mic: Lacrime Di Stelle Senza Speranza

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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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    Posted: 14 September 2017 at 9:08pm
Lacrime Di Stelle Senza Speranza

A cool breeze brushes my hair resembling my mother
Remembering the subtle beauties of never-ending wonder
Surrendering to southern duties, assembling a shutter
That loosely used to cover the center of a puncture 
Gloomy sky scenery has my eyes weakening at dawn
In the greenery, a fawn frozen, in disbelief I stood still
Reasoning with God, it’s been weeks in this fog 
Traveled for so long, as I long for the piece of me that’s gone
The decency, the evening, the meaning to me & mom
The grieving & the demeaning deepening of calm
Is deceiving, shameful to blame you for leaving me & all
Believing you are strong knowing you look ill 
The pain is eating me inside, you left peacefully as time
Dreaming I hope to find that connection frequency 
I conveniently let die, my misplaced anger was secretly denied
When I got the call I barely had the decency to cry
But there I was, kneeling at your side reaching for a sign
As your breathing had subsided, I seemingly combine 
All the hate I ever spewed came speedily to mind 
Beating myself up over the years of broken hearts 
Ignored texts, phone calls, appearing over loss
We were poison, it’s the fear of the unknown that’s hard
My world shattered with tears of hopeless stars
Wherever you are, I’m here with open scars 
That’s how I imagine it’ll happen when we’re near to afar
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Crimson Juice View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 September 2017 at 11:05pm
Dude i loved the title it pulled me straight in,(tears of hope star,do you speak italian?),
anyways the detail in this piece was lush too, the similes and the metaphor on the
whole was subtle and deep,it also bore some ripe vivid imagery aswell,the emotion
within this was popping,i liked the inclusion near the end that death isn't a boundary,
but a temporary loss,and pain via grief is a copping mechanism,you started this piece
with sprite and ending in the same fashion,I do have a question for you,did you draw
this from somewhere real?,because the missing a family member aspect felt genuine
on reading,it not then it's displays your skill in writing very well,a very enjoyable ripe
read,that grabbed me from the start,a solid verse...peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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spume corrupt View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 September 2017 at 11:28pm
Wow
Who needs wordplay when they can draught a scheme as strong as this
It's a masterful display, and a real enjoyable read the rhyming is top tier
Keep doing you man

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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 September 2017 at 2:38pm
Crim... no man I haven't experienced the loss of a parent yet. My mother and I have an awful relationship and I used that to fuel this piece. Really it's how I imagine her passing is going to be. There are little meaningful connections in here that no one knows of when reading this piece aside from her and I. Examples are she is ill, her name is dawn, she has a fawn tattoo, those little simple things. Thanks for the feed.

Spume.. lol thanks man
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CHAIN View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote CHAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 September 2017 at 7:15pm
[Crimson Juice voice]
Originally posted by iLL ScriptureZ iLL ScriptureZ wrote:


A cool breeze brushes my hair resembling my mother
Remembering the subtle beauties of never-ending wonder
 
The flow was ripe and the multis were lush.  
 
Surrendering to southern duties, assembling a shutter
That loosely used to cover the center of a puncture 
 
rrrrrrrrrrrrripe!
 
The decency, the evening, the meaning to me & mom
The grieving & the demeaning deepening of calm
Is deceiving, shameful to blame you for leaving me & all
 
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrripe!
 
As your breathing had subsided, I seemingly combine 
All the hate I ever spewed came speedily to mind 
 
lush & ripe
 
 
[/Crimson Juice voice]
 
nice and clean, short and easy...mean.
This was one of your ripest pieces...in 2017
Looks like it took some time to create too
...and I appreciate that.
 
Keep 'em coming.  
 
shoutout to crimson juice.
+Sick-Witted+
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Sammy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 September 2017 at 7:25pm
^^lmao

Chain da muhfuckin gawd!

iLL u already know how i feel about this verse but i'd like to add a...


"RIPE" to it!

shout to Crim, also <3



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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 September 2017 at 7:55pm
lmao thanks
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