Open Mic: Lacrime Di Stelle Senza Speranza |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Posted: 14 September 2017 at 9:08pm |
Lacrime Di Stelle Senza Speranza A cool breeze brushes my hair resembling my mother Remembering the subtle beauties of never-ending wonder Surrendering to southern duties, assembling a shutter That loosely used to cover the center of a puncture Gloomy sky scenery has my eyes weakening at dawn In the greenery, a fawn frozen, in disbelief I stood still Reasoning with God, it’s been weeks in this fog Traveled for so long, as I long for the piece of me that’s gone The decency, the evening, the meaning to me & mom The grieving & the demeaning deepening of calm Is deceiving, shameful to blame you for leaving me & all Believing you are strong knowing you look ill The pain is eating me inside, you left peacefully as time Dreaming I hope to find that connection frequency I conveniently let die, my misplaced anger was secretly denied When I got the call I barely had the decency to cry But there I was, kneeling at your side reaching for a sign As your breathing had subsided, I seemingly combine All the hate I ever spewed came speedily to mind Beating myself up over the years of broken hearts Ignored texts, phone calls, appearing over loss We were poison, it’s the fear of the unknown that’s hard My world shattered with tears of hopeless stars Wherever you are, I’m here with open scars That’s how I imagine it’ll happen when we’re near to afar
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Dude i loved the title it pulled me straight in,(tears of hope star,do you speak italian?),
anyways the detail in this piece was lush too, the similes and the metaphor on the whole was subtle and deep,it also bore some ripe vivid imagery aswell,the emotion within this was popping,i liked the inclusion near the end that death isn't a boundary, but a temporary loss,and pain via grief is a copping mechanism,you started this piece with sprite and ending in the same fashion,I do have a question for you,did you draw this from somewhere real?,because the missing a family member aspect felt genuine on reading,it not then it's displays your skill in writing very well,a very enjoyable ripe read,that grabbed me from the start,a solid verse...peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3162 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
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Wow
Who needs wordplay when they can draught a scheme as strong as this It's a masterful display, and a real enjoyable read the rhyming is top tier Keep doing you man |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Crim... no man I haven't experienced the loss of a parent yet. My mother and I have an awful relationship and I used that to fuel this piece. Really it's how I imagine her passing is going to be. There are little meaningful connections in here that no one knows of when reading this piece aside from her and I. Examples are she is ill, her name is dawn, she has a fawn tattoo, those little simple things. Thanks for the feed.
Spume.. lol thanks man
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CHAIN
Standard Member Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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[Crimson Juice voice]
[/Crimson Juice voice] nice and clean, short and easy...mean. This was one of your ripest pieces...in 2017 Looks like it took some time to create too ...and I appreciate that. Keep 'em coming. shoutout to crimson juice.
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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^^lmao
Chain da muhfuckin gawd! iLL u already know how i feel about this verse but i'd like to add a... "RIPE" to it! shout to Crim, also <3 |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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lmao thanks
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