Open Mic: Last Call

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As we touch the cold rushes the tip of my fingers
Evidence of love left as the residue lingers
Next to you, taboo is two lovers as swingers
Singing songs of adieu, phone slung off the ringer  
Buzzed off your taste, stung by your stinger
I’ve waited for years, but nothing would bring her
Entranced in your smell. Barley and hops
Drops of your body spread over the rocks
Bar top stories as people slip in the door
Let loose. Stool legs barely kissing the floor
Christin my cup with every Hennessey poured
Raise a glass, chug, laugh, we sing mi amor
Bar opens at six. Closes at four
Each sip gets me closer to us hitting the floor
Drunk in love. . .  Makers Mark, Crown Royal, & Coors
The rarest friendships are never loyal as yours
Of course
You’ll be there as long as it takes to forget
Every morning awake to greet mistake and regret
Hands shake, seems I can’t get away from you yet
You got the better of me since the day that we met
You gave me release, Hell, I gave it my best
Zero days sober and counting. . . . back another 12
steps

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rhetorical Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote rhetorical Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: Last Call Posted: 13 June 2018 at 9:25pm
	As we touch the cold rushes the tip of my fingers Evidence of love left as the residue lingers Next to you, taboo is two lovers as swingers Singing songs of adieu, phone slung off the ringer Buzzed off your taste, stung by your stinger I’ve waited for years, but nothing would bring her Entranced in your smell. Barley and hops Drops of your body spread over the rocks Bar top stories as people slip in the door Let loose. Stool legs barely kissing the floor Christin my cup with every Hennessey poured Raise a glass, chug, laugh, we sing mi amor Bar opens at six. Closes at four Each sip gets me closer to us hitting the floor Drunk in love. . . Makers Mark, Crown Royal, & Coors The rarest friendships are never loyal as yours Of course You’ll be there as long as it takes to forget Every morning awake to greet mistake and regret Hands shake, seems I can’t get away from you yet You got the better of me since the day that we met You gave me release, Hell, I gave it my best Zero days sober and counting. . . . back another 12 steps


Neek Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Neek Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 14 June 2018 at 4:25am
	Ill be honest, at first I thought this was going to be some super slick twist and spin on the "last call" relating to "one more shot" with a gal, with the bar atmosphere set up to be an entire double entandre. tables turning.. etc. at any rate, this still had all the romance my wild imagination desired. it was a nice tale of a night out and a comedic approach to an addiction. seemed simple at a glance, but held some neatness in there. in particular buzzed/stinger. I just wish you carried into "nothing could be her"...cheesy..maybe? but I dig that kinda shit. anyway rhet. nice piece.
	#Bananas

Vellum Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 07 October 2013 Location: Connecticut Status: Offline Points: 492 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 24-2-1 Form: WWWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Vellum Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 14 June 2018 at 7:45pm
	Bar top stories as people slip in the door Let loose. Stool legs barely kissing the floor that was just awesome!! I love the imagery, flow and the rhymes the rarest friendship line was off the hook. this whole shit was nicely done. good job man

Crimson Juice Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Crimson Juice Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 14 June 2018 at 8:38pm
	Nicely written,the imagery was vivid as fuck (pardon my language there),and that title was so fitting also,i got a real ripe kick out of this piece here,and in all honesty was slightly mislead at the start,as i thought it was going to read of a love/woman,but the subtle hints clued me in as i read it so props for the participation aspect,there it came off to me as an affair with booze that an alcoholic would treasure,or atleast probably see it as through their rose tints, like the consuming a beer in a glass,mimics the removing of a woman's dress so to type,but all done in a tasteful manner too,plus it read with an ease a ball bearing has with grease,smooth,i liked this one,it's a shame there isn't any KOTM for this to be an entry,thanks for the alternative prospective with a quaint depth here,a real solid read,one of the best since I got out of hospital..peace.
	"You need to learn how to make an exit, before you can dare make an entrance".

Lord Puente Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Lord Puente Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 14 June 2018 at 9:10pm
	This was dope my man. Good imagery, nice multis, nice internals and mechanics. Overall it was completely smooth no hiccups in the flow. It’s like you wrote this for Beans. Although he went much farther back than 12 steps. I think he died. I loved your opener and closer the most. Only thing that was ehh was the phone sling off the ringer. But that could also be a difference of dialect. Dope job broseph


alicewonder Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN	Post Options Post Reply Quote alicewonder Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 15 June 2018 at 8:00pm
	It’s great to be reading another piece from you. Your work usually reminds me of another favourite writer of mine, deadman, stylistically speaking, which is amazing. I really enjoyed the tone you set this in, it never really lost momentum which I’m appreciate of. You depicted the scenery and ultimately the addiction in an almost admirable, beautiful way. I enjoyed the varying references and allusions you had throughout. Imagery was strong at most places, the „drops of your body spread over the rocks“ segment was my favourite, probably cos it had just the right balance of poetic and relatable value to me. Really nice work per usual.

Sammy Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Sammy Report Post Likes(1) Quote Reply Posted: 17 June 2018 at 5:09pm
	mannn this was fuckin dope. the crux of this piece was this: "You’ll be there as long as it takes to forget" this was definitely a powering offering. as usual, u came with some very precise wording and imagery. your writer voice has always been elite tier and this piece definitely attest to that. its really refined. def one of my top 5 writers on any site man. i just wish you would drop more lol. thanks.


rhetorical Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote rhetorical Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 18 June 2018 at 1:53am
	thanks everyone, feedback will be returned over the next day or two


daydizzle89 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote daydizzle89 Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 18 June 2018 at 9:37pm
	you always have that powerhouse technique. You make it look easy and with work like this you know u audio. Sick ass concept. I dabble in the alcoholic diet and this was pure bruh. Dope shit