Open Mic: Let ME Know what you think of this piece

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Wakish Persona View Drop Down
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    Posted: 11 January 2018 at 3:31am

/-/-/Just an Underground Cat - Rising to the Surface/-/-/
/-/-/Excuse my opinions - I keep it Ruthless/-/-/
/-/-/Completely clueless Rappers - Wana battle, its useless/-/-/
/-/-/Your commercial content - Imitating flows & Verbal Context/-/-/
/-/-/Are Fruitless concepts of superficial words/-/-/
/-/-/flowing with no messages - just another Protagonist/-/-/
/-/-/Hitler-leading-Dictatorship - With a loaded gun, shooting blank Clips/-/-/
/-/-/I refuse to digress - Don't put me to the test, I'm serious/-/-/
/-/-/As the worst is about to burst - my form of words can become a verbal curse/-/-/
/-/-/An anonymous Hacktivist - With Server Ownership - IT professional Specialist/-/-/
/-/-/Most illest - Lyrical Journalistic - underground socialist/-/-/
/-/-/Prodigy of secret prophecies - speaking untold philosophies of Confucius/-/-/
/-/-/With Skills that exist - to bring down Hypocrites/-/-/
/-/-/Il Disperse a riot with a verse - Hand me a sniper first, my Guns burst with words/-/-/
/-/-/To reverse a curse rehearsed to protect and server as a reserve for the defenseless/-/-/
/-/-/Hence the first spider-sense - tinkering down my neck, I have eyes on my back/-/-/
/-/-/Danger approaches underground cats/-/-/
/-/-/ Duck and take flight - you brought a pipe to a white light - strike at my light  type/-/-/
/-/-/scared white when i wheelie with a knife in a gun fight - when I strike - I strike like snakes bite/-/
/-/-/Strike at first site - out at first light - I write like I keep my corners tight/-/-/
/-/-/I write prescriptions personified - symptoms an undefined/-/-/
/-/-/typical type of stereotypical kind - of chronic mind - clinically blind/-/-/
/-/-/To Humanities crimes - Government Lies - Deaths & Suicides/-/-/
/-/-/Lied to in school, we tried - eyes open wide - our mentality died - AN EDUCATIONAL GENOCIDE!!!/-/-/

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Lord Puente View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Lord Puente Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 January 2018 at 4:09pm
To start, I can’t read that with all the /-/-/ everywhere. Not to mention with the - in the middle of every line, it looks like you should just make them two lines and go with the short bar method.
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Crimson Juice View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 January 2018 at 6:33pm
I have to agree with Puente here,excessive use of symbols puts a reader off,and
the pause taking them in fucks with flow also,anyways back with the feed,on the
whole i liked this selfhype piece,you had some good contents/wording in parts,i
also thought from midway on your rhyme actually rhymed better,1st half came
off as hit and miss kind of scenario for me,if the symbols were removed,and the
first half tightened up a bit,this would have been solid,as it stands now it's good,
You have a good idea on what your doing when writing OM's so that's a plus in
my book,(which i'll state now isn't that well read..lol),all in all yes there room for
improvement,and yes your well on your way to achieving it..peace.
"There is no meaning to life,just a nature of life"
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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 January 2018 at 8:53pm
idk why but this reeks of Jaz-Cat
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Wakish Persona View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Wakish Persona Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 January 2018 at 10:27pm
Thanks let me do that ... then let me know what you think...or il just remove the symbols here and then write a new piece
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Wakish Persona View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Wakish Persona Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 January 2018 at 10:27pm
Jaz-Cat??
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Wakish Persona View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Wakish Persona Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 January 2018 at 10:28pm
shit i cant edit it
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Rutter knows best Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 January 2018 at 11:29pm
Originally posted by iLL ScriptureZ iLL ScriptureZ wrote:

idk why but this reeks of Jaz-Cat


Same country but no ip match so give him the benefit of doubt.
#bananas
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Wakish Persona View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Wakish Persona Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 January 2018 at 12:15am
I have no idea what you "cats' are on about lol - do fill me in...btw i posted another one - Im from Cape Town South Africa...
The Below Link is an old song i wrote a while a back...my styke has changed a bit in terms of flow and lyrical contecnt however please do criticize as I really want to get better and am un aware of my own faults hence me asking you dudes to do this for me...if you have anything please do share and i will shed some of my thoughts ... thanks guys

https://soundcloud.com/user-856515187

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