Open Mic: Lets Wait

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D-NoS View Drop Down
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    Posted: 11 October 2017 at 7:12pm
I'm a poet and I know it and I really gotta show it
Get lost in the moment find the flow and go with it
Never stop and never ever let go of it, (eva)
Keep on killing the riddim and spittin forever, (innit)

Elevate, take control of your mind and Meditate
Lets raise the stakes and make no mistakes and Investigate
All probable causes before we close a case, 
In this case its this face its dnos in this place, so lets wait 

---

PS: bout a year ago Kiki suggested I make a 8 bar self hype type ting.. sorry its late bro Embarrassed
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Crimson Juice View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 October 2017 at 1:03am
Just to get this out the way early on,you've typed 8 lines there not 8 bars,now with
that out the way..lol, i get straight into it,i thought the second part was stronger in
all aspects than the first half,it came off as quite strong and meaningful really,the
Contents/vocab had a gritty vibe working the multi word rhyme was pleasing,now
your first half although not bad in itself,just seemed flat via the usage of the word
"it" to end rhyme on,without changing the concept or pulling the word out of shape
(via stressing the word,or forcing the word to mean more,or in a different contexts)
Dampened the impact somewhat,and made the read feel samey,but as a whole this
verse works well,short but nice,enjoyed the read..peace
"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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