Open Mic: locked away

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Agent Orange View Drop Down

Joined: 02 September 2017
Location: BC, Canada
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Agent Orange Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: locked away
    Posted: 02 September 2017 at 5:51am
I was locked away for a lot of days,
Forgot God, and my honest ways, 
Thought I was on top, but I had lost my faith..
you gotta get paid,
the cops didn't understand how I operate
fuck the police, why cooperate
got done for three,
when I got locked away, I learned a lot that day..
Jail changed me, well, who I am today it made me,
People thought I was wasting..

It's just me against the world..
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Crimson Juice View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 September 2017 at 11:29am
Short and sweet read that came off as a keystyle to me,I liked the ying and yang
scenario here,(good/bad,jail/time,police/crime),was good as comparisons go,i
also liked the overall theme too,although not a totally orignal in content you did
bring a different slant as such to this subject matter,it hard to draw a true opinion
here via the length of this piece,but i feel a few inner rhymes or multi's would help
no ends,as it felt mono or flat on reading and these elements would make it stand
up and out to a reader,still a quick and decent read overall,just a little to short to go
in depth at this stage..peace.   
"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 September 2017 at 3:46pm
Not bad, the potential is really there. It was short as hell but I thought it actually was constructed pretty straight to the point. Wish there was more. 
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