Open Mic: Meant to post this

No, no, no..... Wasn't feeling this at all homie..... This was way too simplistic..... You need to be more creative..... Your flow was okay, but try using some multies to increase your flow...... Try using wordplay or metaphors to add to the creativity of your lines....... Add more description to each bar, work on a better set up then deliver the bar...... This is just way too simple for me..... keep writing and try to add more to it, be creative, add vocabulary, use multies...... Just do more then this homie...... keep trying and you'll elevate though, keep at it.......

"There are 1440 minutes in a day, so according to my calculations you make 144,000,000 a day."

Lol!! This started out well until u started to go into the conventional rap trope and went downhill from there. Perhaps it might sound OK on wax but as a written piece where variety of the techniques are preferred this was underwhelming. Keep writing as there are many cats from LA who started like you and quickly jumped to legit wordsmiths.

Well to be truthful I thought it had some merit,but I can only echoe what already been
stated,and Sammy typed some truths about where some ppl here started from,what
you need to do to start with is think of what it is you want to say or convey,lay out key
words then write around them a rhyme,you need to give a piece a clear direction,the
complex stuff can be found in the elevation centre,other than that keep writing..peace.