Open Mic: Meet Fuego [Vol One]

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DjFlame View Drop Down
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    Posted: 09 August 2017 at 8:02pm


Fuck villains, these Flames keep em blasting
And Raps just how he keeps the radioactive
Imagine Dragons but they aiming for Captains
Of evil leagues with the most playful of antics
Shame that the man is stuck in the spotlight
Fate that the fans will come at the wrong time
Chicks in the wrong place and they lust for the wrong guy
Hes sending the Broad 'way enough to be Sondheim
See him in action then he's hid from the people
Keeps it inactive like a real alter ego
Could cut it in half and still cause a heat stroke
So he turns it all off until staunchest evil
Rattles the cage and smashes its padlock
He frazzles its mane and after the fact hops
To the back of the frame like capturing backdrops
And the light blinds like the flash in a bad spot


Come back next week, same Fuego-time, same Fuego-Forum.
He only here to warn us what the plan is
The hour is upon us, it's bananas
Born alone, die alone, no matter who your man is
Hope he live long enough to tell it to his grandkids
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 August 2017 at 10:34pm
I really fucking dug that radio active bar. that was slick as shit. I know "of" the band imagine dragons, but im guessing they have a song called captains.

anyway, middle to ending stanza got a smidge confusing, im assuming you were playfully poking slip with the alter ego shit.. but overall, I thought this was a good change of pace flex drop admist all the beef and topical stuff. good play amigo.
#Bananas
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote DjFlame Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2017 at 12:52am
Originally posted by Neek Neek wrote:

I really fucking dug that radio active bar. that was slick as shit. I know "of" the band imagine dragons, but im guessing they have a song called captains.

anyway, middle to ending stanza got a smidge confusing, im assuming you were playfully poking slip with the alter ego shit.. but overall, I thought this was a good change of pace flex drop admist all the beef and topical stuff. good play amigo.


Yeah, I guess it is confusing. This is an introduction for a character in a series I'm doing. Superhero comicbook type adventure. This was just a lighthearted flex piece to introduce the character for further installments, every week, until my "LA birthday" hits on Oct. 11th. Think King Gheedora but with a hero instead.

Probably should have explained this before I posted lol. Thanks for the kind words tho.
He only here to warn us what the plan is
The hour is upon us, it's bananas
Born alone, die alone, no matter who your man is
Hope he live long enough to tell it to his grandkids
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote CHAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2017 at 11:51am
@ the Sondheim bar. Dope
Radioactive bar = 9/10


Keep 'm coming.


+Sick-Witted+
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Rap Daemon Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2017 at 6:50pm
That opener is literal fucking flames. Bar of the month if I could hand awards out like that for sure.

Sometimes, the focus on multies meant even though it was rhythmically sound, took away from the imagery a little bit and felt a little unnatural, but it wasn't forced as such so it wasn't terrible by any means. But a pattern of imagery within a verse with obviously a wider focus on storytelling is more powerful than an astounding rhyme scheme for the ebb and flow of a piece.

But as you said, this is like an introduction to the character and with the solid amount of quotables stuffed in here it should set up well and I look forward to the future pieces. Good work.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote DjFlame Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2017 at 7:40pm
@CHAIN. Thanks for the feed man. Always makes me feel good when someone picks up on something new I'm trying to do. I always enjoy the punchlines in your pieces, it's like they ain't dissing anybody but it's just dope wordplay.

@Daemon. Yeah, I had that bar playing in my head for a while. I have a habit of thinking of plays before anything else because I have a battling background. I battled a year or two before I took any OM's/topicals seriously. So I guess it's gonna be more prevalent.

I get what you mean about the multis and the flow changing halfway through the piece. I got to about the sixth bar and all of a sudden Clipse's Grindin' beat started playing in my head. Thanks for the kind words, I'll feed your latest when I can get around to it.
He only here to warn us what the plan is
The hour is upon us, it's bananas
Born alone, die alone, no matter who your man is
Hope he live long enough to tell it to his grandkids
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote the lyricist Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 August 2017 at 3:25am
Damn man that radioactive pun was crazy, also the second part of the verse had me rapidly reciting the first half of the bar and slowly elongating the second (I don't know if this was intentional but it was amazing). I will definitely follow this train till the end.


P.S The last two lines made me think of peter parker lol.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote the lyricist Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 August 2017 at 3:29am
The only thing that confused me was the missing 'the' before staunchest,and even that was caused by the fact I'm not used to reading text raps.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote DjFlame Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 August 2017 at 4:59am
@TL

Welcome to the site bro! Everybody's guilty of committing grammar errors just bc they fit the multi. It's not your lack of experience reading text, it's just a common practice here to make things sound a little better. Don't be afraid to use it sparingly.

You make an interesting point about flow in text as well. Oftentimes I'll read a verse and wonder whether that's how the author intended the verse to flow. As long as there aren't excessive pauses or extremely long bars, I usually assume they had a certain flow they were going for. But your assessment is pretty accurate! I can tell you have some experience in this. Looking forward to reading some of your stuff. I'm definitely not the best here, but if you ever want any help PM me or post in the elevation center. I can tell you'll elevate quickly, you have a good eye for text verses.
He only here to warn us what the plan is
The hour is upon us, it's bananas
Born alone, die alone, no matter who your man is
Hope he live long enough to tell it to his grandkids
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote DressToKill Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 August 2017 at 12:02pm
Chicks in the wrong place and they lust for the wrong guy
Hes sending the Broad 'way enough to be Sondheim

^^^ was the stand out bar of this,

Whats up Flame, I thought you brought a real nice little verse here. I can see you're writing for beats like you said in another thread because the lines are certainly shortened up and the flow was banging. I loved the line I quoted, nice play and stuck with the theme as well so props on that. My only thing i'd really like to see would be for it to be longer and see if you can keep the consistency up. Props dude 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Dntplywelwitothers Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 August 2017 at 4:01pm
The flow in this really stands out. Your rhyme scheme contributes to the fluidity of this piece. I really enjoy writing like this, it's hard to keep flow in text without sacrificing the content, and you're able to incorporate many elements and an interesting concept. What you have so far is impressive, and I look forward to the other installments.

Everything said about the "imagine dragons" line I agree with.

Nice character development so far, you've described him in just a few bars...
His abilities and dilemmas... making his introduction intriguing, but not giving too much away. Keep at this. It'a be cool to see what becomes of it.
"My name has the most shout outs in the history of rap...."
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote DjFlame Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 August 2017 at 7:33pm
@DTK

Thanks man. I've really enjoyed seeing/hearing your transition from text to audio. Your mic presence, voice, and delivery are equally nasty. I've noticed the guys that start with a text foundation have better lyrics, and you're not an exception. You need to start skipping leg day to have more studio time!

The rest of these are going to be longer, I just got the idea to do something like this on a Wednesday, and I realized my fifth year of writing begins on Oct. 11th. Rushed a sixteen so the finale would end that day.

I'm also glad to see you're quoting specific lines. That's what makes verses memorable IMO. Little snippets like that.

@DPWWO

Never seen you write anything. When you gonna pick up the pen bro?

The flow was a major concern for me in this one. Felt like it's a deal breaker with this style. Like, if it doesn't flow, who cares what I'm doing? It's barely a rap at that point. So I tried doing a couple of different things with it. So I appreciate your comments because you're obviously seasoned. I just want to see you write something!
He only here to warn us what the plan is
The hour is upon us, it's bananas
Born alone, die alone, no matter who your man is
Hope he live long enough to tell it to his grandkids
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