Open Mic: Metamorphosis. [KOTOM]

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AshleyKaos View Drop Down
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    Posted: 24 December 2016 at 6:51pm
METAMOPHOSIS



Contradicting physics like magneticly charged neutrons
Tradition that's exsisted sinceĀ  ancient times of Babylon
Stages of evolution portrayed through phenomenon
A show put on for god while engaged in espinage
A world hes looking on of beauty and anger
Jackle and hide like a friend turned to a stranger
Cryptic Images of future apocolyptic scenes
A quick flash of the way earth will "used to be"
Peep Show of what took innocence away from me
....But to say it truthfully....
The human race so fucked God don't want em back
Sick way that we see the world with corroding cataracts
Self destructive like we snortin antharax
Seeing rainbows like we poppin acid tabs
If we look closely we still see elegance in nature
Some Natural moments of beauty in danger
Trashed blessings remainder made by a great creator
Left in wait for the return of our savior ?
Standing next to crib robbers raiding the manger?
A taste sour to sweet like now than Laters?
So many questions but we never can find any answers
Unknown futures eating us up slow like a cancer
Life's a stage and we are all made to be dancers


NUMBER 1 FEMALE MC TILL THE DEATH OF ME
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote rhetorical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 December 2016 at 4:17pm
just returning feed. . .

this piece was driven more by the imagery for me. The concept was cool, but not entirety unpredictable. However, that is over shadowed by the fact that you really did well in bringing that concept to life. If i nit pick there were very specific lines i didnt care much for. .  

"A quick flash of the way earth will "used to be" - seems awkward when i say it out loud 
"A taste sour to sweet like now than Laters" - I get where you were going, but its a reach 

but again, minor stuff. you had a good vocabulary, a good use of assonance. The piece in whole scratches the surface of how human kind is destroying the beauty around us. Great way to utilize the image into a topic. Good submission 

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