Open Mic: Metamorphosis. [KOTOM] |
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AshleyKaos
Standard Member Joined: 11 October 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2511 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 28-63-3 Form: LWLLNQ |
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Posted: 24 December 2016 at 6:51pm |
Tradition that's exsisted sinceĀ ancient times of Babylon Stages of evolution portrayed through phenomenon A show put on for god while engaged in espinage A world hes looking on of beauty and anger Jackle and hide like a friend turned to a stranger Cryptic Images of future apocolyptic scenes A quick flash of the way earth will "used to be" Peep Show of what took innocence away from me ....But to say it truthfully.... The human race so fucked God don't want em back Sick way that we see the world with corroding cataracts Self destructive like we snortin antharax Seeing rainbows like we poppin acid tabs If we look closely we still see elegance in nature Some Natural moments of beauty in danger Trashed blessings remainder made by a great creator Left in wait for the return of our savior ? Standing next to crib robbers raiding the manger? A taste sour to sweet like now than Laters? So many questions but we never can find any answers Unknown futures eating us up slow like a cancer Life's a stage and we are all made to be dancers |
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NUMBER 1 FEMALE MC TILL THE DEATH OF ME
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rhetorical
Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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just returning feed. . .
this piece was driven more by the imagery for me. The concept was cool, but not entirety unpredictable. However, that is over shadowed by the fact that you really did well in bringing that concept to life. If i nit pick there were very specific lines i didnt care much for. . "A quick flash of the way earth will "used to be" - seems awkward when i say it out loud "A taste sour to sweet like now than Laters" - I get where you were going, but its a reach but again, minor stuff. you had a good vocabulary, a good use of assonance. The piece in whole scratches the surface of how human kind is destroying the beauty around us. Great way to utilize the image into a topic. Good submission |
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