Open Mic: Militant Mind [WD7]

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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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    Posted: 19 December 2016 at 8:08pm

Tourniquet on my arm from the bombs you detonate
Handicapped & the placard is a relic I strongly celebrate
The depravity I consume, the savagery is a tomb
Heavy souls swim weightless like a whale in the ocean
The wails that are hoping float like gravity on the moon  
Parody of the gloom, bangin' & boom, sizzle & shot
Onomatopoeia's mirage can paint a picture with pop 
Sanguine stains has a certain pulchritude 
Wear my blood with honor like a solider is supposed to do
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 December 2016 at 8:32pm
Nice and pacey this,I liked the use of the key words here,had a couple of nice concepts
when gelling two or more k/words together on one line,also the flip on the word whale
was a good touch,your word choices were also nice on the whole good vocab mixed
with ripe contents,plus the majority of this verse was a highlight too so win win there,
all in all a strong entry and solid read..

"Handicapped & the placard is a relic I strongly celebrate
The depravity I consume, the savagery is a tomb
Heavy souls swim weightless like a whale in the ocean
The wails that are hoping float like gravity on the moon"


"Sanguine stains has a certain pulchritude
Wear my blood with honor like a solider is supposed to do"

^^RIPE..peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 December 2016 at 2:30pm
"Tourniquet on my arm from the bombs you detonate
Handicapped & the placard is a relic I strongly celebrate"

^Everything fit, made sense, and was nicely worded.

Heavy souls swim weightless like a whale in the ocean

^Not only is this dope, but it also creates a really majestic image of massive mammals moving fluently through the deep blue sea.

Parody of the gloom, bangin' & boom, sizzle & shot
Onomatopoeia's mirage can paint a picture with pop

^Dope! And perfect execution of the word. Also, the subtle play on "pop art" and the double entendre you cloaked it in was a nice little gem.

Sanguine stains has a certain pulchritude
Wear my blood with honor like a solider is supposed to do

^Hmmm... I wonder if the shot/pop part in the previous lines tie into this section ... perhaps denoting a billet wound? Regardless, this was a stellar closer.

Another dope verse to add to the collection, iLL.

Peace...

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 December 2016 at 2:56pm
Quote Parody of the gloom, bangin' & boom, sizzle & shot
Onomatopoeia's mirage can paint a picture with pop 

^Dope! And perfect execution of the word. Also, the subtle play on "pop art" and the double entendre you cloaked it in was a nice little gem.

Yo i aint even peep that... Shocked... fucking genius lmao...


Thats Crim and Self for feed!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 December 2016 at 3:17pm
LOL

That's what I love about posting online. Sometimes people see stuff in your work you weren't even aware of when you wrote. I feel sometimes that's because the words are coming from another place and the writer is just a vessel used to express their intent (does that make sense lol).
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 December 2016 at 3:18pm
LOL

That's what I love about posting online. Sometimes people see stuff in your work you weren't even aware of when you wrote. I feel sometimes that's because the words are coming from another place and the writer is just a vessel used to express their intent. Does that make sense? lol.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote rhetorical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 December 2016 at 6:26pm
this was dope man. great way to utilize the challenge words here. i havent seen every wd verse, but so from the onces that i have thumbed through, this is one of the better executions for sure. your highlight to me was the onomatopeia line and the first two lines made for a great opener. . nice work here for sure 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 December 2016 at 6:49pm

Ok, you used 4 of the words in the first two bars....
Dope. Liking the use of placard and relic segment. Nice
Heavy souls swim weightless.... god damn i like that right there. Dope
The ending was dope. Great use of the words. This is another nice little gem
from WD7. Liking the vivid descriptions here. It was nicely written and the
multis nice. Flow consistant and over i am digging the theme you have got
here. The war/soldier theme fit these words well.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 December 2016 at 6:51pm
I liked the use of imagery to incorporate the words...allowed you to rattle through a load of em in a short space of time & it not come across forced at all. Both in simile and metaphor form. Real nice.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote HI-Z Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 December 2016 at 8:30am
This is one of the best WD7 entries I've read as of yet. The concept was clear and percise, your use of the 10 given words was flawless. I'm not about to pick this apart, that would be an injutice. From the first line to the last You out shined every one. I think this has gotta be the winning submission right here. Unless someone comes along and steals your victory over night. I say that with no disrespect to the other contenders myself included lol. Great job and I think it's pretty safe to say congratulations. Catch ya later bro
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Beans Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 December 2016 at 3:20pm
This is dope
1-2 Season 1 Final Champ

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 December 2016 at 4:44pm
Appreciate it everyone
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote -Que- Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 January 2017 at 5:22am
Tourniquet on my arm from the bombs you detonate
Handicapped & the placard is a relic I strongly celebrate
^^Flow on point most Def!!
The depravity I consume, the savagery is a tomb
^^ Ha Ha!! I used the same two words ...How cool is that!
Heavy souls swim weightless like a whale in the ocean
The wails that are hoping float like gravity on the moon
Wail/Whale dope 
Parody of the gloom, bangin' & boom, sizzle & shot
Onomatopoeia's mirage can paint a picture with pop 
^^Sounds like some cool street shit bro
Sanguine stains has a certain pulchritude 
^^ My favorite line ...just solid word usage
Wear my blood with honor like a solider is supposed to do
Good shit ILL

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