Open Mic: My Sickness

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AshleyKaos View Drop Down
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    Posted: 10 August 2019 at 10:51pm
Stuck in this routine religiously like a seventh day Adventist
In the streets knowing what needs to be but life is so expensive
When. I'm high inside im numb enough to just not pay attention
So I tell myself that shit to somehow get my own permission
To live without admitting change really comes with free admission
So I twist myself into this position wishing id made good decisions
Still no difference since my choices I now have to live with
Product of my own invention but still keep bitchin i feel sickened
Watch as I keep slippin loosing sight of a better vision
At rock bottom nobodies around anymore to listen
Only God so I prey to be lifted up on his forgiveness
NUMBER 1 FEMALE MC TILL THE DEATH OF ME
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Neek View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 August 2019 at 1:28am
hey Ash - long time no see. I def see improvements on your word placements. the syllabol count has become alot smoother and intricate.


I did however, feel this coulda used a reworking..even tho it felt "freestyled" so im not sure you went over it and just wrote to satisify the mood.


Product of my own invention but still keep bitchin i feel sickened 

I felt that "invention - yet im still bitching and feel sickened" tightens up the fluidness of your piece.


overall tho, really cool quick drop. always good to see familiar faces in our little community.
#Bananas
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Crimson Juice View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 August 2019 at 12:12pm
Hello Ash, nice to read something from you again, i must say i found this verse
quaint & enduring, life's strife and struggles and hope all wrapped up really well
in just 11 lines, a perspective that easily relatable to digest, it read like a heart on
sleeve piece as i guess/know some of this is written from a place of truth where
your concerned, i enjoyed this short read here it left me wanting more, keep Em
coming Ash as poetry is a release in dark times and doubt.. Nice drop..peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Absolute Abomination View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Absolute Abomination Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 August 2019 at 6:45am
damn nice rhyme scheme
coherent thoughts all the way through
nice read ash
Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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