Open Mic: Normal by a long shot

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daydizzle89 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 21 February 2017 at 4:26pm

I dial in the wind and the silence is primal
A tribe full, i lock eyes on my rivals
recite the bible, pull the trigger on his vitals
My hearts at idol, The target is final
this heavy hitter is harnessed nd rifled
Im configured for this market, a heartless psycho
When i depart for a mission its all about survival
bullets whistling as i siphon up more courage
The deserts high winds, the grounds a furnace
Sizzling hot mags pumping rounds into the Kurds with--
A Browning 50 Cal killing these clowns for certain
Im surfing the tidal sands hunting for Turbans
Dont Tread On Me tat with a fucking serpent
Ive found my way through Urban Combat skirmishes
I do it for that saying...
"Thank you man for your services"
I joined the Elite craving for a purpose
Its the training of the nerves and rankings
A posed frame when bullets are spraying
Smile on my face when the guns are blazing
Raining down hot lead on hot tar'd pavement
Allahu Akbar's what we are engaging with
I sit afar with my cross hairs waiting with
our camouflage tarp trading lead
Sand grazing the skin as i graciously grin
My blazonry kin brazenly screaming for victory
We are the trailblazers shaping history
Every shot i take is a complete mystery
Terrorists think my shooting is witchery
Bounty on my head till ISIS gets it Delivery
Heavy artillery near my stronghold
PTSD trickery as i tear into this bong toke
Been home six months and still feel frigidity
War i know, Normal life is outside my peripheries

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spume corrupt View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 February 2017 at 7:28pm
Mad skills fam
Like you def ain't get that most elevated 2016 for Nathan's
First up with that flow.... Shit was smooth as fuck, I was able to read and enjoy this at a range of speeds! That only happens when the writer HITS that Silk moment..... So really feeling the way you moved through the work also, you took the reader on a journey through various high octane scenarios and revealed at the end it was this guy's thoughts/memories/possible unfulfilled desires, tying the whole thing into the initial picture....

It's high end Topical writing fam
You should jump on Cuba's twist


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote DressToKill Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 February 2017 at 1:41am
I see you switched to a shorter bar style which is hard because you have less space to fit actual content in, but I found you made it work nice. Flow was really cool and the transitions between bars was pretty flawless. I think this topic is cool, I would of tried to describe a single situation vs entire combat role but that's just me. Nice work
The original comeback kid
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote rhetorical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 February 2017 at 1:56am
hey fam, this was a dope little scribe here. i love all things war or even more so. . gun related lol. I love imagining the looks on snowflakes faces when they read your more politically charged types of verses hahaha. . but anyway. . yea man, nice short condensed lines here. Maybe a couple places where they cold have used a word or two in the beginning, but once you got into the meat of it all it really came together. Simply let the image drive the words, and it definitely was a small ride through an ISIS killing soldiers head in that time and place. . good stuff bruh.

HOORAH! 
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daydizzle89 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 February 2017 at 2:05am
thanks for the feeda yall. Much appreciated. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 February 2017 at 9:45pm
I dial in the wind and the silence is primal
A tribe full, i lock eyes on my rivals
recite the bible, pull the trigger on his vitals
My hearts at idol, The target is final
this heavy hitter is harnessed nd rifled
Im configured for this market, a heartless psycho
When i depart for a mission its all about survival
bullets whistling as i siphon up more courage
The deserts high winds, the grounds a furnace
Sizzling hot mags pumping rounds into the Kurds with--
A Browning 50 Cal killing these clowns for certain
Im surfing the tidal sands hunting for Turbans
Dont Tread On Me tat with a fucking serpent
Ive found my way through Urban Combat skirmishes

(Whoa,nicely done with the flow here,aswell as multi's,I liked the inclusion of using the
same sounding vowels also,for me it shows the extent and depth of your vocab,also
i'm liking the theme here of a war torn landscape you've depicted too, although i'm not
a gun fan on the norm,I understand their obvious inclusion here,and still I found myself
enjoying the matter relating to them,as they served as part of the imagery you was
projecting,which I'll say here was ripe,I'm rely enjoying this read as of yet..)

I do it for that saying...
"Thank you man for your services"
I joined the Elite craving for a purpose
Its the training of the nerves and rankings
A posed frame when bullets are spraying
Smile on my face when the guns are blazing
Raining down hot lead on hot tar'd pavement
Allahu Akbar's what we are engaging with
I sit afar with my cross hairs waiting with
our camouflage tarp trading lead
Sand grazing the skin as i graciously grin
My blazonry kin brazenly screaming for victory
We are the trailblazers shaping history
Every shot i take is a complete mystery
Terrorists think my shooting is witchery
Bounty on my head till ISIS gets it Delivery
Heavy artillery near my stronghold
PTSD trickery as i tear into this bong toke
Been home six months and still feel frigidity
War i know, Normal life is outside my peripheries

(feeling the scene of being self absorbed here,and it was expressed real well also,you
did have a little shakiness in parts,but this is just me trying hard to find a fault really,
as your an alias I actively seek out in the OM section,I do like your pieces for their cool
thought provoking subject matter and vibe,and this is yet another verse from you that
i've got a kick from,anyways the displaying of emotion via tension was crafted well due
to the details provided,and by using short lines,so props there as the mental picture
was vivid on reading,ripe!,very well put together verse that i enjoyed reading here,great
work..peace..)
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Exoduzt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 February 2017 at 3:59pm
Absolutely the most improved writer on the site.  Hats off to you dizzle.  You have come a long fucking way.  The short bar rhyming really worked for you here.  Sometimes its hard to go from long bar to short ..I know from experience but you pulled it off.  that tat with the serpent line was really fucking nice.  This was a hard aggressive verse.  Just in your face type shit.  I loved it. the waiting with trading lead was dope.  Very descriptive

Great job dizzle..your really becoming a force on this site.  I can't wait to see what you do in the topical tournament

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 February 2017 at 5:22pm
I dial in the wind and the silence is primal
A tribe full, i lock eyes on my rivals
recite the bible, pull the trigger on his vitals
My hearts at idol, The target is final
this heavy hitter is harnessed nd rifled
Im configured for this market, a heartless psycho
When i depart for a mission its all about survival
helllllllll of an opener

Its the training of the nerves and rankings
A posed frame when bullets are spraying
Smile on my face when the guns are blazing
Raining down hot lead on hot tar'd pavement
Allahu Akbar's what we are engaging with 
I sit afar with my cross hairs waiting with
our camouflage tarp trading lead 
Sand grazing the skin as i graciously grin
Fucking loved this part, it sounded so dope when I spit it..

Been home six months and still feel frigidity 
War i know, Normal life is outside my peripheries

Nice ending man... I thought this was one of your most well constructed verses. Its no lie when people say your are the most elevated on the site... 

kudos!!!!!
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Amgin View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Amgin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 February 2017 at 9:31pm
Crazy opening verse! That was unreal start to finish. I like how you kept the theme/mood the whole way and not getting too off track.
The rhyme scheme in the first verse was tight. Literally made my head nod with the flow
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 March 2017 at 3:16pm
Woah, thanks for the feedback erryone. Much appreciated

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The Law View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Law Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 March 2017 at 5:30pm
This was cool for what it was. Definitely made me want to hop on battlefield and start doing my duty on mothafuckers. A couple little things here or there that I will critique on in a second, but for the most part the flow was nice and I enjoyed the content. The best part was the way you opened off the verse. I think you set the tone well and put the reader in the mindset of the soldier. 

"Raining down hot lead on hot tar'd pavement
Allahu Akbar's what we are engaging with 
I sit afar with my cross hairs waiting with
our camouflage tarp trading lead "

This section created a hiccup in the readability for me because of the repetitiveness. It wasn't as smooth as the rest of the of drop.. hot/hot, with/with as end rhymes, lead/lead. And the spot where you placed the description of the tat, I thought could have been transitioned better. Aside from that, I think you did a great job on this piece. 

Definitely will be playing battlefield at least a little bit tonight now. 
Go my Minions!


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