Open Mic: Not A Day Goes By (Three 16's)

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Freeda5thDawg View Drop Down
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    Posted: 25 February 2008 at 9:09pm
not a day goes by - without me writing a rhyme- -
finding the time to climb in my mind - designing a line- -
trying to bind the crying for life - to literature- -
a sinner who's cured by the purest scripture he turned...
to when he written a verse - used to listen and learn...
from niggas who worked to fit in the worst position in earth- -
fishin' for words in addition to descriptions of dirt...
they lived in, it hurt - to vision a victim hit with a bird- -
whistle or chirp through the nerves - it's the way we fight- -
in this game of life - play despite the "might" for the day we die- -
praying might soothe the spirit - others use the liquid...
in liquor or choose to mix it with two more spliffs and...
this isn't the way - but shit, if it fades a bit of the pain- -
i rather hit it and blaze than stay grippin' a gauge- -
wishin' a day will trip in my way - where i'm hittin' a stage- -
liftin' the praise for the lyrics i state - spitten with grace- -

not a day goes by - without me smilin' for somethin'- -
though the while i'm just frontin' when this style is for nothin'- -
pilin' my junk in a sheet - sunk in a beat- -
touchin' on deep subjects that mean somethin' to me- -
'fore i stumble between a tunnel that gleams- -
my tongue will concieve a lung full of dreams the sun couldn't cease- -
it's for the rumble in streets - leave'em humble in peace- -
no more struggle to breathe or hustle to reach a bundle of green- -
we are crumbs who will link to fill this crust- -
they've killed enough - i spill this skill to build a trust- -
real enough to heal the lust drilled in us- -
cause we revealed the dust - but concealed the brush- -
so i peel the dutch to fill my lungs with reasons to fight- -
it's weak but it's right to beat these demons inside- -
a beast on the mic - but teaching the right lessons- -
keeping the mics blessed with meaning in my message- -

not a day goes by - without me wanting more- -
for i've seen a lot of poor painted in the art of war- -
on the floor - hearts are torn from the start of scorn- -
bodies thrown like garbage so afar in shore- -
we are the forms of life that tarnished more than rights- -
like daughters born with lies and start as whore than wives- -
the pardon Lord invites with has spiked kids with a mind- -
they'll always be forgiven so they get in the rivet of crime- -
their vision is blind - the men and women who tried...
to fix it were tied in gimmicks for riches grippin' their lives- -
and this is just a bit of the rhyme - nothin' more, nothin' less- -
i come to pour from the chest - somethin' for what is left- -
we're stuck in war, lustin' sex - drunk and poor, bustin' techs- -
clutchin' swords, cuttin' flesh - must i sort up the rest?- -
what i warn must progress -  throughout this land- -
even if i threw out my plan and blew out the chance- -

...
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SpellBound View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SpellBound Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 February 2008 at 10:14pm
This was ill man, flow was dope as usual. I liked how you tied the title into the beginning of each verse, and how each one had a different direction. You gonna record this by any chance?
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Freeda5thDawg View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Freeda5thDawg Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 February 2008 at 10:27pm
it was written to a beat...so it's 99.9 possibility...but recording is tough for me cause i get lil opportunities at the moment...thanks for the feed man...
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SageOne Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 February 2008 at 11:40pm
Freeda...record this shit! I'll buy you a mic and mail it to you, shit.
This was dope...Not too many opens I see ever have a flow like yours...I can appreciate a good flow when I see one, and this...my dude...was ill. I tend to obsess over multies in my shit, and it looks like I'm not the only one. Big ups Freeda....Big ups.

i rather hit it and blaze than stay grippin' a gauge- -"
"this isn't the way - but shit, if it fades a bit of the pain- -
 
Probably one of my favorite bars...you're always comin correct freeda.
 
Each little "chunk" of this was dope...I tend to knod off with some of these open mics, but I actually enjoyed this one from the first to the last word. Keep em comin, and I'll be watchin for the audio. 1


Edited by SageOne - 25 February 2008 at 11:42pm
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Freeda5thDawg View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Freeda5thDawg Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 February 2008 at 1:42pm
haha, send it now man...thanks alot for the feedback...yup, multis is a big obsession for me, glad you liked it...
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote teken8996 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 March 2008 at 8:12pm
Hey Freeda 5th where do you live?
if US.. whats ur address
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Fatal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 March 2008 at 12:56pm
^Wtf?....
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Rameez Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 March 2008 at 1:00pm
LOL ??? shake head.. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote teken8996 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 March 2008 at 5:29pm
y u hatin i want to hear him on the mic.... 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Rameez Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 March 2008 at 6:04pm
lol its not hate, it's really weird askin someone's address like this.. 

Edited by Rameez - 09 March 2008 at 6:04pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote teken8996 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 March 2008 at 7:05pm
haha yea i guess but yea my intention is to buy a mic and send it to him if he needs it and hear him on a track
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Freeda5thDawg View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Freeda5thDawg Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 March 2008 at 8:44pm
i got a track out in the audio section...it was my first recorded and first try recordin...and i'm in jersey, but lmao, i dont think i'll give my address...

Edited by Freeda5thDawg - 09 March 2008 at 8:45pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote U.N.L.M. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 March 2008 at 11:39pm
lol, Tekken ya can send me that mic if ya want :)

Flow was dope, thought this was a cool idea as you start off each verse with the same line..
Added a section i favored in each verse..Either had great flow or good message that i interpreted from it
praying might soothe the spirit - others use the liquid...
in liquor or choose to mix it with two more spliffs and...
this isn't the way - but shit, if it fades a bit of the pain- -
i rather hit it and blaze than stay grippin' a gauge- -

we are crumbs who will link to fill this crust- -
they've killed enough - i spill this skill to build a trust- -
real enough to heal the lust drilled in us- -
cause we revealed the dust - but concealed the brush


the pardon Lord invites with has spiked kids with a mind- -
they'll always be forgiven so they get in the rivet of crime- -
their vision is blind - the men and women who tried...
to fix it were tied in gimmicks for riches grippin' their lives-
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote I-kontinue Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 March 2008 at 7:32am
It's good. I don't know if people will be appreciative of it audio though because through text you have a chance to read it and analyze it, but in audio, the pace is much quicker. I know everyone has their styles, but it's mine to make lines simpler with heavy load behind 'em... If you can keep this flow and make things easier to pick up by the average listener, that would be Don shit. Flow should be secondary to content. Remember dat! I'm dropping a piece called Flow soon so you can see what I mean... The flow is still bananas, but the content will be easier to understand... Not necessarily dumbed down, but put into conversational terms where it's easier to pick up. Good read though. Stay up..
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Freeda5thDawg Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 March 2008 at 2:59pm
i see watchu sayin...yea i agree, but doin so much text, it became a habit to jus write how i feel...but this particular piece wasnt meant to be audio actually...thanks for the feedback, i'll keep that in mind for the audio shits...hopin to be consistent wit them...
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Smoothtung Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 April 2014 at 2:35pm
Yo I know it's been a couple of years man but I sooooo fuck with this script man.. that ENTIRE stanza is so on point is crazy.. absolutely love this shit. 
Imagery so vividly intrinsic you might miss it..
Though you never even had the chance to witness it
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote AshleyKaos Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 April 2014 at 9:00pm
This shit wSas off the fukin hook freeda rhymin wad fukin insane..... mad fukin skills and the topic was still deep that shit hit home....

Like right here

is isn't the way - but shit, if it fades a bit of the pain- -
i rather hit it and blaze than stay grippin' a gauge- -
wishin' a day will trip in my way - where i'm hittin' a stage- -
liftin' the praise for the lyrics i state - spitten with grace- -

And here
trying to bind the crying for life - to literature- -
a sinner who's cured by the purest scripture he turned...
to when he written a verse - used to listen and learn...
from niggas who worked to fit in the worst position in earth- -
fishin' for words in addition to descriptions of dirt...
they lived in, it hurt - to vision a victim hit with a bird






Nice piece

not a day goes by - without me smilin' for somethin'- -
though the while i'm just frontin' when this style is for nothin'- -
pilin' my junk in a sheet - sunk in a beat- -
touchin' on deep subjects that mean somethin' to me- -
'fore i stumble between a tunnel that gleams- -
my tongue will concieve a lung full of dreams the sun couldn't cease- -
it's for the rumble in streets - leave'em humble in peace- -

NUMBER 1 FEMALE MC TILL THE DEATH OF ME
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Excel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 April 2014 at 11:34pm
Dude i can think of mass beats this could go to, this was a really good verse, need help with beats let me know i will send you the links to some good ones this could go to, but overal nice verse, especially flow and lyrical
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