Open Mic: Nothing breaks like a heart (girl in the mirror) |
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 29 March 2019 at 10:36pm |
That green is envy, it’s cost me plenty, like my future past Left to reflect on image of myself whose truth is cast Orange tear secretes from my hollow eyes Dead sober, the exact opposite of volatile Horrified, when I learned the news at last That tumour, big as a lime, terminal as Dulles port Like a warped reality when I learned it would cut me short Callously, like a homicide, left my whole view aghast What of my child though? She better flower fast Sands of time slipping down my figure as an hour glass Felt like I was in a casket and they were tryna close the lid Powerless to stop it like watching a sadist grope your kid How’d I get exposed to this? Like watching the sky fall Trust it’s an eyesore when cancer gets in your eyeballs All I see is colours and patterns, sunken and flattened Like they’d succumbed to a magnet, pulled from the planet Trippy as hell, disfigured, dishevelled, it’s bleak and sullen Transformed like Guernica to a real life Weeping Woman Edited by Cuba - 30 March 2019 at 7:17pm |
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Dntplywelwitothers
Groupie Joined: 30 November 2013 Status: Offline Points: 172 |
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Yes! Nothing like reading something fresh from one of my favorite pen slingers!!!! An absolute treat and, you sir...do not disappoint.
Starting off, you re shaped the whole view of this painting and turned it into art within art, molding it into something completely different, absolutely amazing. You gave abstract a form and did it wildly..."that green is envy" ...sets the tone...the reflection intermingles, at first I think the narrative is coming from the perspective of the first image, but it's really the reflective image. The description in this is cohesive with the picture and it actually gives more details to the pic than just looking at it. It seems as if the story belongs to this image..."what of my child? She better flower fast. Sands of tyme slipping down my figure as an hour glass" ... whooo! Delima! Perfect... imagery! Perfect...definitely pulls on the heart strings. The Whole ending was definitely a highlight the mention of the cancer and then go back into the detail of the picture describing it "colors and patterns, sunken and flattened... like they succumbed to a magnet" all that shit is DOPE! Then you compare to two other paintings at the end... the real life "Weeping Woman"...you pulled this whole piece together. So glad to see you still do this. And you still do it so well |
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"My name has the most shout outs in the history of rap...."
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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im usually not a fan of similes but it was nicely played here. reminds me of kabal from mortal kombat. weird and strange but effective.
That green is envy, it’s cost me plenty, like my future past Left to reflect on image of myself whose truth is cast Orange tear secretes from my hollow eyes Dead sober, the exact opposite of volatile hollow eyes and volatile was dope. What of my child though? She better flower fast Sands of time slipping down my figure as an hour glass also wicked! dope imagery. Powerless to stop it like watching a sadist grope your kid wasnt so thrill about thi line lol All I see is colours and patterns, sunken and flattened that was nasty! great multies this verse is reminsicent of Scorpion as well. there's an underlying potency hidden in a veil of trans-mutative lexicon that was well out of view of the common thread of convention. in other words, its one of the illest piece i've read since the trailer of Mortal Kombat 11. i don't understand how you can take this long hiatus but still not rust. well done, sensei. |
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