Open Mic: [OM] Blurb

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Absolute Abomination View Drop Down
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    Posted: 10 June 2020 at 3:43pm
im an open book
at the wrong chapter
everything i earned i took
no gimmicks im a bad actor
now lets take a quick look
no witness for my character
i left em all dead or shook
its best to fear the rapture
i write verses, but cant string a hook
guess i aint really that good of a rapper
hell i cant even cook
so the fuck am i supposed to do after
i dont know why the fuck i am the way i am
get in the way of my own happiness every way i can
push my loved ones away til they cant stand
to be around me, give a fuck if i ever gain a fan
write to get this shit off of my chest
dont even record and still think that im the best
definition of blessed, yes, ill wreck any pad with the pen
reality i hate everything that i am
a shell of a former man, whos degressed into something less
only thing im positive about is whether or not im depressed
yes digest sedative enhancers
im hard pressed to find answers with closed eyes
for so long i thought i was the disguised fourth wise guy
but why would i hide from the spotlight
when i could have my name up in the skyline
if i tried, but the thought of dying is possessive
if i were to skydive, its no question
i could not neglect it
dont get it twisted, i was not neglected
but my mental was, and i regret it
not believing my own perception
mind over matter, but my mind is reckless
6 pack to sleep or im up stressin
thats no way to function but i dont know any better
nothing else i tried worked, i just wanna be better
without putting in the work, im scared to be better
wonder whether or not if i was dead would i be better
but i cant do that to those i love
whether theyre here with me or up above
so even though i find livin tough
its tough luck, ill buckle up and continue the ride
cause truly i know that theyre better off with me alive
Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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alicewonder View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote alicewonder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 June 2020 at 12:10am
I was just dropping by on here and felt like this deserves at least some kind of feed, so for what it’s worth:

Core/concept is nice as it feels authentic and the kind of tone you were going for had an interesting contrast to it. Not sure if it’s done intentionally but I liked the slightly boastful and ironic approach (don’t record/stills the best) with the obviously self deprecating tone. There were also some unique thoughts that I felt like could’ve been expanded on like the “thought of dying is possessive” one. That’s the highlight of the verse to me, very simple in wording but really powerful and just a unique thought overall. Enjoyed the last fewer lines more than the beginning as it felt less random than your opening lines (not a good rapper/cook).

Technicality was just somewhat ok to me though, some lines didn’t really continue the rhythmic flow and the patterns you used consistently were rather simple, but this kind of piece doesn’t need a “fancy” scheme. It felt genuine and got your thoughts across. Thanks for sharing.
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Crimson Juice View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 June 2020 at 11:14am
Well looky here, AA's in the house and dropping an OM, it's been awhile eh,
i really enjoyed this offering, it had this slant like a cause and effect senario
kicking off, kind of like a reflective look during a mid life crisis vibe with a lil
sprinkling of self hype to boot, i really liked the fact you wrapped this verse
with an environment of questioning of one's own morality and shit, and then
coming to the realisation that you've let things pass you by, the opportunities
missed ect ect, i also found the rhyme schrme in the first half to be a cool
slant to come from, it read like you had freedom to be creative and to man-
ipulate all whilst sticking to a ridged theme, Ripe work and enjoyable read..
peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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spume corrupt View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 June 2020 at 10:30pm
Go Bush my man, find yourself
Northern Territory
A lot of good people up there saved my sanity once

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Absolute Abomination View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Absolute Abomination Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 June 2020 at 3:34am
Originally posted by spume corrupt spume corrupt wrote:

Go Bush my man, find yourself 
Northern Territory 
A lot of good people up there saved my sanity once 
fuckin terrified of crocodiles
Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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Schematic View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Schematic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 July 2020 at 12:12am
Ki
http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/rapper-t-vs-schematic-horrorcore-02_topic45919.html
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