Open Mic: [OM King] The Story of Moses

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Venomonology View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Venomonology Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: [OM King] The Story of Moses
    Posted: 28 February 2016 at 8:55pm
...

What up. Name's Moses, was adopted at birth
Real parents left me on the curb for the foxes and birds:
Next set wanted the brother that their daughter deserved,
But this set off some resentment; kept me from bonding with her.
Third set, lucky charm. No cause for concern.
The Reed's were real nice people. They were entrepreneurs.
This rubbed off on me a lot, I was rewarded for working
Hard in school and in their office and my confidence surged.
I stayed sober, never smoked much in my collegiate years,
Was focused more on chasing grades than moving onto the skirt.
But then the skirt moved onto me man, I got me a girl
And it felt like Hallelujah when my heart mixed with hers.
But still, I've lived my whole life up on orange alert.
Owned a car for just a day before the constables searched.
Showed my license, was polite enough. The officers weren't.
They came with weapons at the ready and provocative words.
It turned my stomach how the cunts were just so prompt to assert
Themselves and how a word of mine was never properly heard.
That's just not the philosophy we're taught to observe,
'Cause when the law turns a profit, then it's profits we serve.
Truth has gotta be learned if there's to be cop repentance.
When a wrong sentence could result in the wrong sentence.
When a kid gets sent away for getting baked in the car,
You know that Reagonomic shit has gone & plagued us too far..
We've lost our way, the day is run by dominant firms
Who dictate all the rules, ensuring profits will surge.
They say the law is black and white, so why's it constantly blurred?
Unless the law is 'black' and 'white'.. then there's a conflict in terms.
I mean, look what happened when the Black Panthers hit nerves:
The feds Hoover'ed up when Freddy Hampton emerged.
People can't rise in violence, lest the pattern returns,
So here's 10 commandments based on what I have learned:

Thou shalt not arrest or suspect an unarmed man
In the street because you feel his skin's too dark tanned.
Thou shalt not wage a war on the possession of drugs,
Thou shalt wage a war against the men a few levels up.
Thou shalt only use a firearms as a last resort,
After all non-lethal methods that you can exhaust.
Thou shalt not run divide and conquer tactics in the press
That cause whites to see a black presence as a threat.
Thou shalt not transfer these abuses of power
Onto any other race that may suit you at that hour.
Thou shalt treat crimes committed by law enforcement
In the same way you treat those committed by the poorest orphans.
Thou shalt not allow law makers of the nation
To receive any funds by way of corporate donation.
Thou shalt not use religion as a weapon in politics.
Thou shalt focus on an issue and how you plan on resolving it.
Thou shalt arrest all employees of Fox News
For inciting racial hatred by spreading false truths.
Finally.. thou shalt kill Donald Trump
And use his wealth to distribute free healthcare for a month.
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daydizzle89 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 February 2016 at 5:55pm
Really Vermon?
 
 
This was fucking nice. I love where you took this. The intertwining between the old school version and you version is fucking awesome. I love creative shit like this. The vocabulary, content, flow, concepts and delivery was smooth. Your transitions between each line and scheme were hella nice. Your slant rhymes were well placed and easy to pick up with assonance. The creative aspect with throwing the ten commandments in there is some flavor and style really helped take this from an OM to ART. Dope work here THE VERMONATOR
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Exoduzt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 February 2016 at 6:45pm
Your writing game is top notch on the site rite now in my opinion.  That flow you create is fucking smooth as hell.  I absolutely love the rhyme scheme you used to write this.  Every single line just connected with impeccable flow.  Onto the message you were portraying and how you related to the topic was incredible.  I felt you took a different path than what the rest of the masses would usually take.  It was different but still you brought it to the next level.  The second section was just the same.  Strong message getting across with great writing.  It's very rare I read an OM and it actually inspires me to write and gets me out of my funk.  Great job rite here Ven.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Endeavor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 March 2016 at 9:26am
King Ven strikes once again. Big dog, big nuts.

A lot has been said and I'm just here to stroke your ego a bit more. This is the best I've seen from you and the messed up part is that what I wrote was actually similar to this, except I kept my story in the middle ages. I love the second segment with the whole preaching aspect and shit. Donald Trump line killed me haha.

Quote 'Cause when the law turns a profit, then it's profits we serve.

^ Word.
#Bananas

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Venomonology View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Venomonology Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 March 2016 at 3:19am
Thanks for the feed guys, there was a lot more I wanted to bring into this piece but left it too late in the day to get it all done. Will have to make an earlier start on the March one.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote King Jehu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 March 2016 at 4:53am
Love this. The concept was well executed.

"'Cause when the law turns a profit, then it's profits we serve."
[Insert fire emoji here]
"When a wrong sentence could result in the wrong sentence."
Amazing.

"They say the law is black and white, so why's it constantly blurred?
Unless the law is 'black' and 'white'.. then there's a conflict in terms."

I'm glad I read this.

You had twelve commandments, but the bible only has 10 commandments because you have 10 fingers and thus have a base-10 number system
Insert something rappy here
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 March 2016 at 12:36am
Wow

At first I wasn't really feeling the story all that much. To me it started out just a tad bit too slow. However; me being familiar with your work, I knew that eventually it would pick up.

And bro

When it did I was floored. This was a very creative and sociopolitical piece. The angle you took truly embodied the whole "Modern Prophet" concept. It's like instead of getting all preachy about the typical biblical dialogue of right and wrong or being a prophetic messenger of impending doom, you decided to flip the concept on it's head and deliver to us divine law as it applies to the present and current events. In my opinion that was pretty clever. You were able to make a point but, in an indirect way. You used the creative and mystical platform this theme provided and laced it with hard hitting perspective and social commentary and consciousness.

At one point

You had me just nodding my head as I read along.


Great piece Ven!

Peace...
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