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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Posted: 22 September 2018 at 10:16pm |
So you believe your now a deitity why grieve,
with your ego reanimate your mom's & form a trinity, I perceive you lack the ability for this to achieve, you need skill but you dont have that capability, Your just an attention seeking cum filled whore, where sleeze drips from every one of your pores, Scribes rhymes that are filled with smut & gore, dissing me is like your sex life its all premature, So up iLL's ass I only see the soles of your feet, trying to be wordsmith with the vocab of a parakeet, Ya up shits creek the out come for you is bleak, like Jesus when carrying a Cross through the street, This will be my only cum back'like ya bitch fact, after a 15 - 1 creampie g/bang sleeping in the wet patch, Talkin of flicking bugs i don't want a ping pong match, when you bitch barely cause a rash or scratch, |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Smoothtung
Standard Member Joined: 09 December 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-8-3 Form: WWWLWN |
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Don't use vocab like "scribes rhymes" or "perceive you" unless you can maintain a fresh fuckin style the entire way through. If you use that lingo to set up a punch line that sounds akward then it's now corny. Not saying this piece is corny, I think you show promise but you need some work. And you need to evaluate who you are as a writer. Are you someone who's gna write what people wanna read? Or are you someone who's gna write what you want to read? Find your style, stay true to you no matter what, and perfect it. That's an artist. That's how you create.
Stay up! |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Thanks for your time there DJ,and you know i'll return the favour,cool breakdown...a
like is coming your way.. Smooth,i'm more in for reading poetry than dissing/battling,as these elements don't come naturally to me,i guess i'm just to nice for my own good,but i do have a good grasp of poetry because i'm well versed and schooled,i use poetry like a pressure valve really, it's a hobby in truth,i understand w/play synonyms verbs multis ect ect,i like to do topicals really,and i've only really just started on that trail,i drop from time to time that's all,and i tend to write on the fly,but i mostly mod post and feed and as of late some flak..hmm,but its is what it is, all good though,thanks for feeding though.. peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Smoothtung
Standard Member Joined: 09 December 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-8-3 Form: WWWLWN |
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I'm not saying that though. I'm not a battler either. Most of my pieces vear to the more poetic side of things. I dig poetic pieces. Prefer them even. So if that's you, go with it. Don't shy away from it
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