Open Mic: Only For My Son

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    Posted: 19 October 2006 at 3:07am
Aight, before anyone reads this I just got a lil to say.  First if u got anything disrespectful to say about this in anyway...I dont wanna hear it.  This is very long, 3rd verse might not appeal to yall much but its probly what I had the hardest time writin. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
hook
tryin to escape but he'll hold me when i run
never let me give up, console me when im done
puttin pain into words, and its only for my son
cuz every second, i been feelin lonely since he gone

verse 1
so much stress and despression got me feelin mad sick
my girl so innocent, but the good ones can never have kids
and the apologies and condolences'll never help
How can you explain the deepest pain that I ever felt?
I could never find the words to express this pain
did he test my strength? Why God got me feelin blessed then blank?
I keep my faith in God, but at times I wanna deeply hate him
tryin to do right, while so many worthless fathers be leavin babies
what a shock, my mind stopped, the news severed my heart
I'm wit u where ever u are, and I know deep inside ur never too far
but drivin to the hospital, the definition of real fear
God wanted u wit him too early, but in my heart ur still here
I remember wishin and hopin I'd never make u cry
now im tellin myself that im gonna have to say good bye
my heart aches but I, know u in a better place
and Im so thankful that tears never met ya face
my heart in human form, no one couldve cared like I care
and I keep seein vision of u runnin around, wit my hair
and u had my feet, I cry every night before I sleep
tryin to be strong for ur mother but the tears in my eyes creep
prayin everyday that ur watchin over me, so I hope u can
and I need u to give me strength cuz now im just a broken man
I trust in u God, So i wont even blame u now
just make sure we've got our own lil angel now
I lost my son and it just ripped my mind quick
ppl tryin to talk to me, but I just wanna sit in silence
cuz I cant stop myself from thinkin what shouldve been
and everytime I see his picture I see nothin but good in him
Dear God, I dont know why u did it but I've gotta send him to u
Anthony, I'd gladly trade my life for 5 seconds if I could spend it wit u
wouldve been a better man than me but my lil mans deceased
a million times better, I love you my precious lil baby boy Anthony
 
hook
tryin to escape but he'll hold me when i run
never let me give up, console me when im done
puttin pain into words, and its only for my son
cuz every second, i been feelin lonely since he gone
 
Verse 2
wishin i could hold u, but I know u lookin down on us son
it brings a smile to my face to know u around some loved ones
God i wish u could give me reasons for what u chose to do
all i need is for u to promise us ull always keep him close to u
seein scenes every night of me kissin u on ur forehead before bed
my heart cant afford death, but now im facin even more stress
What kind of man would u be, I cant help but think
since I lost u, every night I'm drinkin myself to sleep
im sufferin here, ever since I lost my son its too much to bear
everyday I come home lookin for my boy and theres nothin there
plus im scared, how can I cope if I cant see his face
my only beautiful son, you could never be replaced
I wake up at the hospital the next day prayin that u came back
but ull always be my baby boy and nothin can ever change that
So I pray to the Lord and I ask him what happened
It's so sad when we sayin goodbye to Anthony before we had him
even though his life wasnt planned we anticipated him
imagine the pain in my brain when I heard my lil man isnt makin it
I broke down right away, began cryin on ya mothers shoulder
just cant stop thinkin bout u..lookin down at ur face, I loved to hold u
now all I could do is keep my head up and stay as strong as u would
Im so sorry Anthony, I had to let u go but I held u as long as I could
I know u wouldnt want me to suffer but the stress on my mind is hard
You never did nothin wrong, u never deserved it my lil shining star
Later in life, if we decide to conceive again, would u feel jealous and betrayed?
Dont be scared baby, ur still my boy but just give me a sign to tell us ur afraid
Did u pass away, go to a better place?  I'd rather call ya free
but u also free from me, so Im kissing ur picture before I fall asleep
Ill always know u in heaven watchin us, wishin for better
I love you more than life itself and Ill miss u forever
 
hook
tryin to escape but he'll hold me when i run
never let me give up, console me when im done
puttin pain into words, and its only for my son
cuz every second, i been feelin lonely since he gone
 
Verse 3
When U heard a ring, would U look at the phone and smirk?
Would u have been there smilin everytime I came home from work?
Would U have been wakin us up every two hours?
Would u need me wit u every time u showered?
Would I have to watch u every minute wit a concerned glance?
and when u played with all ur toys would u learn fast?
Would u have laughed everytime u dropped a bottle?
If I was in another room, would u think uve got to follow?
Would u just sit and watch me any time I cleaned ur mess?
When I finally picked u up, would u give all ur screams a rest?
Would u laugh and smile when I act like ur harmin me?
If someone else was holdin u, would u hold out ur arms to me?
When ur a lil older would u tell me what ur aimin to strive for?
Would u have tried to crawl away from me when I'm changin ur diaper?
If u runnin around the house and fell down and hurt urself, would U start cryin?
Would U think I was a bad father If I made u get up, even though my hearts dyin?
I cant stop thinkin, What kind've man were u?
Would u have carried the name of my family thru?
Would u imitate what u see on TV and try to wrestle me?
Would U need to be so close, u gotta sleep in bed wit me?
Would u give me strength when Im about to quit?
Would u embrace me willingly when u learned how to kiss?
Would u brag and boast if I let u beat me in a game worse?
But before that baby....Would u have said my name first?
Would U have held me real tight whenever I was huggin u
Would I have cried the first time I heard u say "I Love you too"?
but none of that'll never happen, cuz God took u too early
I wake up cryin cuz I cant stop havin nightmares of u hurtin
Nothin I do seems to work, Im powerless to hold back the tears inside
Nobody has any idea what I'd give up if I had the chance to hear u cry
Anthony ur my beautiful baby boy and u represent the best thats in me
but I'll only have the strength to keep my head up if I know ur Restin In Peace
 
hook
tryin to escape but he'll hold me when i run
never let me give up, console me when im done
puttin pain into words, and its only for my son
cuz every second, i been feelin lonely since he gone
 
 
 
 
I love you Anthony
R.I.P.
Anthony 09/13/06
 
 
 
NO HATE, just feedback/criticism


Edited by Stalin - 01 July 2010 at 9:14pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote frank white Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 October 2006 at 7:35am
Will read this when i have time this week as it diserves a propa read man.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote 2smooth Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 October 2006 at 12:17pm

damn son... that was some of the deepest shit i ever read in my whole life, bro... you can just feel the emotion, and, unfortunately, the pain... i'm sorry for ya loss Dave, my heart goes out to you and your loved 1's bro...

as a verse, flow was a bit stretched in certain parts, but for the most part, the flow was perfect... the meaning and emotion is beyond words... very nice post bro...
 
keep ya head up dogg, life goes on...
 
R.I.P.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote sparta Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 October 2006 at 12:22pm
^Agreed...the most touching thing I've ever read on here...just raw emotion...also enhanced the lyrical substance of it, the flow seemed perfect

My condolences...
Не все потеряно пока...
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Demonic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 October 2006 at 1:51pm
Read through the hole thing... as said condolences go out... i cant imagine having anything like this happening to me and i never want to either...

Very sorry for the loss.

The drop its self was very deep and full of the emotion i'd expected when i read the title... was a good drop... unfortunate its about real circumstances


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote frank white Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 October 2006 at 5:13pm
Wow. Now that is real, that had anger and love sorrow and joy . This was your heart man and noone can ask more than this . This wasnt rap this was life this was knowledge and this was a letter to god.The only think i can see is that your lil boy must be proud of his father where ever his is now man. He smiling and hese gonna be on the next 16 man. He still gonna collab with you one day. Im not on this god shit but your passion resonatesd with me man. I talked to you for years now man and now i can truly says there goes a man.Peace and respect.And what you on about man the third verse was ill as fuck that poetry right there people. That had a poets soul man.

Edited by frank white - 19 October 2006 at 5:17pm
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bad boy 4 life biggie smalls was the illest
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Kay B Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 October 2006 at 5:44pm
Firstly, Sorry about your loss man

Secoundly, this was truly an amazing peice man seriously....Had so much feeling in it and was probbaly one of the most heartfelt drops iv read..... ever, I felt everyline hit me as a reader and made me feel as if i was in the situation This was one of the most origonal peices simply because of the fact no-one could write this but you....it was personal, it was deep and it was real...Seriously one of the best iv ever read
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Stalin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 October 2006 at 8:48pm
thanks yall,ill try to find time to return the favor eventually
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote King Jehu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 October 2006 at 12:18am
oh shit, what the fuck...

Yo, Dave, I'm sorry for your loss, man. Last time I spoke to you she was due in about a month. Damn, hope everything gets better for you, man. With that said, this was powerful. It expresses the pain, frustration and sorrow well. I almost shed a tear reading this, yo. Bless you and your girl.
Insert something rappy here
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote I-kontinue Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 October 2006 at 2:00am
Not sure, but from what I read, seems you're Christian...(I am too...) Keep ya head up... And though it's hard, He does everything for a reason... Maybe when you meet him and ask why, you'll see why he did what he did, and that though it hurts now, it was probably for the best...

If the piece hadn't touched me, then I wouldn't have been motivated to state that, so you know it was heart felt^...

But really... I've Never felt the passion within a piece like I have before in any other written on a rap board... The flow was on point, so that made it even better... You did a great job of expressing yourself on this one...

My condolences Dave...1
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Freeda5thDawg Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 October 2006 at 10:32am
this was deep indeed...these type of pieces dont deserve much criticism, cuz its basically ya heart in it, which makes da piece greater than a normal rap...u were def able to express yaself well in this, and i definitely felt alot of ya emotion through da words alone...great job and keep at it...
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote DressToKill Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 October 2006 at 8:57pm
I just read this shit and your mixed emotion in it was amazing...was a very powerfull subject..loved the way you expressed yourself and it takes a real man to be able to show some personal shit like that to cridicts...im telling you man stay up I hope the best for you..I cant say I understand what ur going through but I do have an idea..dope ass peice of work here keep it up and keep ur head up
 
-1- R.I.P.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote D Mob Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 October 2006 at 9:39am
im sorry for your loss man. Your stuff is dope though, Keep your head ^. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Stalin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 September 2011 at 4:53pm
Sorry, My son wouldve been 5 yesterday.. I still feel this shit
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Manc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 September 2011 at 5:02pm
Sorry to drag this up out of the archives but I seen it bein checked when I scanned the user list.
 
Okay - firstly, I CANNOT imagine how you musta felt and still feel havin gone through this. My eldest was born with a rare heart disease and it was always touch n go with him for the first year or so. Then - when my youngest was 2, we nearly lost him to meningacocol sceptazemia (worst case meningitis) - but that dont even come close to actually losing your son. That would fuck me up !!!
 
When I read this - I go the feeling that it was obviously heart wrenching to write - but at the same time, you needed to let it all out, and penning it was the perfect outlet for those feelins to flood thru.
I'll be straight with you Stal - reading this gave me goosebumps n a big arse lump in my throat. I really and genuinely feel for you n ya girl - n I know that dont make a difference, but thats honestly how I feel after seein this.
 
Shit man. I'm so sorry if I woke resting ghosts - but this was probly the most upsetting thing I've read for a long long time. It had to be fed kiddo. U gotta be a strong dude to stay sane after suttin like this man. Dayum.


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 September 2011 at 5:52pm
Not gonna lie Stalin
This got me crying man
fa a minute I had ta stop reading
I really felt yo pain
The writing was passionate an driven
I got kids! Sumethin like this
Would tip me over the edge
I understand this won't ever go away fa yo
I just hope yo are coping real

God bless yo lil angel
Peace

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Young-chukky Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 September 2011 at 10:44pm
Hmmmmmn,am emotionally speechless,after reading this I felt this strong blast cuz I also lost my dad about two months ago,so its all coming back to me. To lose someone you love so much,it feels like your life is done but this is the world of fortunate and unfortunate possibilities,every livinthing is bound to die,some at the right time some at the wrong time its so sad she left too early,I guess I've ask God why my dad has to die now but to later hear of a family that died in an auto crash, then I realised that earth is no home,we are all visitors that will surely return to an unknown destination religiously believed to be Heaven or Hell but we hoping for the first H.
So take heart stalin for God will see you through your pain.
             R.      I.        P.      
   Little girl
             R.      I.        P.     
    Dad
Killed my nightmare with bare hands
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Lax Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 September 2011 at 9:24am
Wow man. This is really deep. Deeper than anything I have ever read before. First I gotta say that I'm sorry for the lost of your child and I hope that you've felt at least a bit better throughout theses years. As far as the piece goes, flow's a bit stretched but it really doesn't matter when you're reading something like this. beautiful piece
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote J504 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 September 2011 at 7:41pm
Agreed on this, Stal my heart goes out to you for real. Just know that if this verse makes just one person go home and hug their kid extra tight and know how blessed they are, it was worth all the effort it took for you to share this. 
 
glad you shared and Happy Birthday to your angel.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote CHAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 September 2011 at 10:05pm
up!
+Sick-Witted+
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